This might be long but I need an outside perspective.
I've been currently on/off with my currently ex boyfriend since the past year. He is 36 now and I am 21, we've been together for 2 years. His bad qualities are BAD. He'll "Joke" and say hurtful things and say i'm just twisting things around. He'll curse at me, He made me put my guinea pig upstairs in a cold room all alone because he didn't like him, he also made me do that with my tarantulas and several died due to the cold. He won't take me out or hang out with me unless it's on HIS schedule because my jobs don't matter.
So months ago he agreed I could get a kitten while he was out of town but the moment he came back he threw it around and started cursing at it and trying to scare it. He also had a obese kennel-outside-kennel lab that was untrained and I asked him to not introduce them without me there in cause of an accident, which he did anyway. It was the last straw and I moved an hour away to live with my aunt to get away from the bullshit. Since then I think we've split and got together 3 times due to lack of effort and him being rude.
When I'm mad and try to leave he begins raising his voice and restraining me to the wall or bed to try and hear him out or stand in front of the door and wont move. When we're doing ok he feels entitled to my body and often tries to get sexual and grab at me or try pulling at my clothes..
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This other boy (28 now) I met around the same time I made it official with my boyfriend. This said boy is like a brother to me...but moreso. He treats me like a woman and builds me up when my boyfriend brings me down. He revealed he has feelings for me a while ago which I already figured, and he's remained faithfully my "friend" respecting the boundaries and helping me through hard times. He helped me move, stayed out with me all night while I was upset, woke up at midnight to hear me cry. He's been like my rock, i've been concerned that he'd feel I was using him but he claims he does nothing unless he sincerely wants to do it.
The more I hang out with him, the more stuff I realize we have in common. We have the EXACT same complex spiritual views, we both love animals -tarantulas too!-, we like the same shows, games, hobbies. He'll take me out on adventures, road trips. My parents LOVE HIM, he's always talking to them and trying to help out. I feel like lately he's everything i've been missing out on. I get along with his friends, he with mine. The only thing is that, I feel no spark. I'm not sure if it's his appearance, and I know thats shallow because he is working on it every single day... I just cannot picture any intimacy whatsoever.
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My boyfriend is opposite. He works, comes home, gyms, and goes to sleep. Even after I've driven a long hour+ to come see him for the week. We watch HIS shows and eat when HE is ready (sometimes at 8-9pm...ugh!). Every time we break up he says he'll change. He doesn't. He's trying to dictate what I do, wear, and hang out with in public. He HATES my buddy. He hasn't met him. I've invited him SEVERAL times throughout our relationship to meet him. He won't and tries to make me feel guilty for having fun and he won't be apart of it because "He works and he's tired" and "Maybe he should be a jobless fat f*** like my friend so he can see me more". It was like pulling teeth to get him to even MEET my mom and dad. His mom doesn't even know I moved!
As of now we aren't talking and I have him blocked on social media and my phone, that restraining event actually happened yesterday night after he lied and said he was going to the gym so I hung out with my friend longer, only to have my boyfriend-thing say he was lying and pissed I was an hour late...
I'm afraid if I give things a shot with my friend, it won't work out and i'll ruin the friendship. I feel like me not feeling attracted is getting in the way... but he's an awesome guy and he's lost so much weight already and wants to get his teeth done... I feel shallow!!!
I feel like I shouldn't be dwelling on that **** when he's such an amazing guy.
I mean technically I wouldn't be jumping into a new relationship so soon, but I imagine we'll be hanging out a lot... I need outside input.