When I look at "before" pics, those are really pictures throughout my whole life, (because I've been up and down this weight roller coaster ALOT), mostly I feel frustrated that I couldn't seem to learn any lessons about how to STAY healthy. Years, and years, and years of NOT learning.
You pretty much described my 20s. yo-yo from 150-180..with 160ish being the place I settled when not binging or starving off the weight.
It depends on where I'm at, I, too, have been up and down over the years, I feel like this fitter version is the real me, at least the me I want to be, I know the bigger version was me, too, but not happy with myself, I guess that's why I ended up losing again.
I have 3 pictures together on my dresser of 3 different size Kelis, the pics motivated me to get back to where I was when fit and to not get back to where I was when fat.
Some pictures make me cringe, some make me smile.
I do remember looking at pictures of my thinner self when heavier and wonder "why did I think I was fat, or how silly I thought I had a big butt then"
When I see old pics of me at my biggest I feel ashamed that I let myself get so out of hand. It motivates me in that I'd never allow myself to climb up to that weight/size ever again. But sometimes I feel like it damaging to me because I start to think that all the work I have done so far isn't good enough. I try to correct my thinking pattern but it's happening fairly often now anyone else experience this!?
My first thought was that I have always been "chubby" but actually when I started law school I was about 145 and looked very good. Looking back at the few pictures I have from that time I am actually confident that I can get back there someday. It doesn't make me feel too badly about where I am now, but it does reinforce my need to keep on track.
Had you posed this question a month ago, I probably would have been all woe-is-me, but I am solidly on the train now and feeling more optomistic.
When I see old pics of me at my biggest I feel ashamed that I let myself get so out of hand. It motivates me in that I'd never allow myself to climb up to that weight/size ever again. But sometimes I feel like it damaging to me because I start to think that all the work I have done so far isn't good enough. I try to correct my thinking pattern but it's happening fairly often now anyone else experience this!?
I feel this way. I've been overweight since childhood. My last "normal" photo was in 2nd grade. When I look at photos of myself, I know it was reality, but I'm disgusted with myself. (Gosh, that seems harsh, but that's how I feel) Having been so big, I know I judged myself harshly. I envy the new generation that loves their body no matter what size. I've never felt that way.
I keep a packet of particularly disgusting photos (to me, anyway) for inspiration, and I think they were motivating at one time. However, I currently think they're harmful. I still see myself as I was in those old photos. There I am smiling on vacation, but I think I looked awful. I know it was reality at one time, but I'm having a hard time convincing myself it's not reality now.
I guess I'm looking for validation that I've changed. I mean, I know the numbers have changed and physically I feel better and can do more - even though I always feel things would be "better" if I lost more weight. I just don't SEE myself as changed in the mirror. I still see that girl from 100 lbs ago; that's me. I spent a long time as that girl.
I always read that losing weight really doesn't change anything - it's not like all your problems are immediately solved, prince charming will walk in, and you'll be offered the job of a lifetime. Life is still the same - you just weigh a little less. Maybe I expect too much.
I have to go back to middle school or younger to find pictures where I'm not overweight. Where I'm at now is a HUGE improvement from my high school years, so I don't really look back on old pictures with regret.
I feel this way. I've been overweight since childhood. My last "normal" photo was in 2nd grade. When I look at photos of myself, I know it was reality, but I'm disgusted with myself. (Gosh, that seems harsh, but that's how I feel) Having been so big, I know I judged myself harshly. I envy the new generation that loves their body no matter what size. I've never felt that way.
I keep a packet of particularly disgusting photos (to me, anyway) for inspiration, and I think they were motivating at one time. However, I currently think they're harmful. I still see myself as I was in those old photos. There I am smiling on vacation, but I think I looked awful. I know it was reality at one time, but I'm having a hard time convincing myself it's not reality now.
I guess I'm looking for validation that I've changed. I mean, I know the numbers have changed and physically I feel better and can do more - even though I always feel things would be "better" if I lost more weight. I just don't SEE myself as changed in the mirror. I still see that girl from 100 lbs ago; that's me. I spent a long time as that girl.
I always read that losing weight really doesn't change anything - it's not like all your problems are immediately solved, prince charming will walk in, and you'll be offered the job of a lifetime. Life is still the same - you just weigh a little less. Maybe I expect too much.
Wow, this is a really thought provoking topic! I honestly didn't really think about it too much before reading this, because I don't make it a habit to look at old pictures of myself, but honestly, when I see myself when I was in my teens, before I gained most of my weight, I see someone who's pretty care free; I see someone before life hit them in the face. And that's a pretty hard thing to realize.
There was a point for me when life was simpler and a lot easier to handle, and it's physically noticeable. But, luckily I'm slowly getting back on track. Things are getting easier to handle and things aren't AS rough as they were when I gained all of my weight.
I hate my before pictures. It's not just because of my weight, but for me personally, at my highest weight of 352 lbs, I quit loving myself all together. I quit doing my hair and my makeup. It's like I was trying to make myself disappear as strange as that seems. I'm also reminded of a lot of bad moments in my life....the teasing, not fitting into seats, clothes not fitting (not even being able to find my size in plus sized), feeling like I was going to suffocate when I sat down because of my weight pushing up into my esophagus, passing up promotions because I lacked confidence in myself.
I also can't stress how true the "trying to disappear" was! I literally worked at the same job for 13 years and it wasn't until my last year there when I lost a significant amount of weight and started loving myself again that people noticed me! Some didn't even realize that the OLD me and the NEW me were the same person!
I left my weight turn me into a sad lonely person. For me personally, it's been a journey away from "her".
I did think of something that made me laugh a bit at myself....At my highest weight I was forever trying to hide to make myself appear smaller....LOL ANYTHING was fair game! People, chairs, couches, pillars (peek-a-boo!), cars...I'd always appear to be popping out from places. If I had a hoodie on I'd put my hands in my front pocket and push out to stretch the fabric and in my mind make my tummy look flat!
I think my previous post seems so sad I focused so much on the negative aspect of it all. I will say this....I'm pushing 40, I am 190lb ish, I have a far from perfect body or face, but honestly, I feel more confident now than I have in my entire life! Why? Because the control I lost so many years ago was taken back! Do I still struggle with food and self image? Absolutely! But I'm finally at this wonderful confident place where I've learned to love myself again.
I didn't really gain "a lot" of weight until a couple years after college when I hurt my knee and couldn't afford knee surgery (no insurance). When I was in high school, I was 5'6 and weighed 125-130 lbs, and I thought I was "big." Even in college, I was around 170 - not great - but not huge. Of course, I thought I was absolutely HUMONGOUS.
Now, at 150'ish, I notice the bulges and whatnot, but I NEVER think like that anymore. Ever.
Looking back at photos of myself when I was 13-17ish is SO HARD because I was healthy looking and beautiful but I never felt that way. There's never been a day in my life where I've been like "oh I'm thin now". NEVER A SINGLE DAY. Not even one. And now that ages 18-24 have been spent at varying degrees of legitimate obesity, I regret that I couldn't see how nice I looked then. Like when you think you're just a fat slob you don't care, you don't see the point until it spirals out of control. I stepped on the scale one day to 351 lbs! NOW that is definitely a problem and now I have forever damage to my skin and what not. But yes, those "before" photos are hard for me to look at. I just wish I could go back in time and tell myself that you're beautiful and look great and to take care of myself and not let people's nitpicking get to me.
Being overweight made me unhappy but sometimes fat worked in my favor. I'm thin now but my face looks older. :/
Most pics don't bother me but the two pics I DO hate are from a particular night because of what I was wearing, and the way I was sitting make my upper arms look enormous. I was about 155p and want to burn those.
I found another picture in a pile the other day from 2003 when I weighed 174p a year after having my son. I just said "wow I was fat" and moved on. It didn't bother me nearly as much as being able to see my arms at a much lesser weight. Strange how we have hang ups.
I feel sad when I look at my 'before' photos because I didn't see it at the time. That's not what I saw when I looked in the mirror. It's strange. And sad.
Isn't it awful!? I didn't see it either. I only saw the tiny little bulge in my back under my bra, and thought I was still not thin enough. And because I am more chesty than most of my friends, the whole "boobage" situation would not let me see how thin, healthy, and beautiful my body was, because in my mind "big boobs=fat" or "big boobs=old lady." Also I was always aware that my bone structure was a little thicker than other girls' and I would compare myself to them, instead of looking at myself, and my own body, and my own body frame, and what looked good on MY body. I am working in loving myself bigger, and loving myself in the process, and learning to see the beauty in me regardless of my weight, so that when I finally achieve my goal I can see myself for who I am, and not for whom I wish I were.
I hate my before pictures. It's not just because of my weight, but for me personally, at my highest weight of 352 lbs, I quit loving myself all together. I quit doing my hair and my makeup. It's like I was trying to make myself disappear as strange as that seems. I'm also reminded of a lot of bad moments in my life....the teasing, not fitting into seats, clothes not fitting (not even being able to find my size in plus sized), feeling like I was going to suffocate when I sat down because of my weight pushing up into my esophagus, passing up promotions because I lacked confidence in myself.
I also can't stress how true the "trying to disappear" was! I literally worked at the same job for 13 years and it wasn't until my last year there when I lost a significant amount of weight and started loving myself again that people noticed me! Some didn't even realize that the OLD me and the NEW me were the same person!
I left my weight turn me into a sad lonely person. For me personally, it's been a journey away from "her".
This is so good! I totally understand where you're coming from in terms of your feelings for yourself. It is important to love ourselves and not to give up on our outward appearance regardless of our weight. This may sound shallow but it is not -- we need to take care of those are things that we CAN control and that don't change much regardless of our weight. In terms of appearance I have not once given up because of my weight. I refuse to. I don't want to not like this body I have because it is the only body I will ever have! I need to love myself at my worst and see the beauty in it even if it's not a standard beauty. I need to learn to appreciate the beauty in my in my own eyes, and that is a long process. I always do things about my body that make me feel good, for example I always dress it for my size even if my size is XXL, I always do my nails to make my hands look pretty and feminine, I always do my make up because I think that my face is my best feature, I always do my hair in a different way because I love my red locks. Those are things that make me feel in control of how I look regardless of how much I weight, and believe it or not, they have helped me love myself more now that I'm 68 lbs overweight, than I did when I was almost at my ideal weight. And I feel more confident about who I am, and I believe it is that confidence and that love towards my body what are giving me the drive to do this diet.
Thank you for sharing how you feel. It's good to let it out even when we may feel it sounds negative because there will always be someone in here to understand you.
I focused so much on the negative aspect of it all. I will say this....I'm pushing 40, I am 190lb ish, I have a far from perfect body or face, but honestly, I feel more confident now than I have in my entire life! Why? Because the control I lost so many years ago was taken back! Do I still struggle with food and self image? Absolutely! But I'm finally at this wonderful confident place where I've learned to love myself again.
