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Old 08-01-2013, 09:05 AM   #15
thistoo
Caroline
 
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Knoxville, TN
Posts: 2,317

Height: 5'0"

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I am mad at myself all the time for regaining, so I know exactly where you're coming from.

I get mad at myself when I can't find any clothes that fit (because I refuse to go buy new ones at this weight.)

I get mad at myself when I eat something I know is terrible for me, even though I've had a rotten day and spent hours telling myself 'I deserve it' (whatever that means.)

I get mad at myself when I think of how *good* I felt at 150 pounds, and how easy it was to get back over 200.

But the good thing about doing it once is that you know what works for you, so you can do it again. At least that's what I tell myself.

I think where I really went wrong was that I got down to a 'normal' weight, and I thought that meant *I* was finally normal. I thought I could go out with my friends and eat what they ate, that it was 'just this one time' or a 'special occasion'. But man, suddenly I was having all kinds of special occasions to celebrate!

What I learned is that I will never be 'normal'. Like Kaitie, I will always be on a diet, or I will always be heavy. There's no middle ground for me. That's just the way it's going to work. It sucks and I get mad about that too, but getting mad hasn't changed it.
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