I was browsing the weights section today at Target, minding my own business looking at the dumb bells, yoga mats what have you, and then I noticed some weights were on sale so I pick them up to get a feel for them and these guys walk by (who are amazing shape btw) and one of them says to me in this MAJOR condescending tone "You know that won't get you out of your obesity right? better take a look at that instead (pointing to a cart filled with food items next to me)" and his friends start smirking in the back. I had no idea what to do, my eyes welled up in tears and I just muttered "not my cart" and darted away.
I was so humiliated. The cart next to me wasn't even mine! How can a complete stranger feel that it's ok to talk to someone like that? or even phrase it that way? I feel like I've come to a point now where I just can't stand the remarks I get like this from people. I understand he was maybe maybe trying to be helpful but there are a million other ways to phrase it, and his little attitude just made it seem so rude.
Literally everything from that point got worse, I had tears coming down my face and just wanted to get out of the store. I was walking towards the exit, and those things by the door start doing their little siren noises because I'm walking out the door with the yoga mat and forgot to pay for it! But I apologized and when the lady saw me (she recognized me since I'm there all the time) and asked me if I was ok since she saw me crying and I couldn't even get myself to tell her because I thought I would burst into tears and make a scene.
So I leave Target, go home and decided to go out with my family for a family get together to get my mind off my horrible afternoon. I get there and all is well until I start talking to my aunt about birthday cakes. My mom used to make cakes professionally for weddings and such so she's asking me if I picked up any skills from my mom and then my uncle walks by and says " oh no can't you tell this one just eats them!!" and my aunt laughs and I try to laugh it off, but I just felt worse and excused myself to go to the bathroom. It literally took every ounce of me to hold back those tears. I just felt so beaten and sad especially after the earlier incident.
I am not one that has had days like this often, I read about them on 3fc now and then and they are just awful but this weekend had to be the worse. The first time in my life when I feel like I'm making big changes, people feel like they can just knock them down whenever they want. And this morning I was 2lbs heavier probably from all food I ate the night before, ugh just one of those weekends
Anyway, I'm gonna stop writing now because it's making me all sad again, but just had to vent. I had mentioned this to a friend and he told me I was being a little overly sensitive, am I? Because I really don't think I am.
OMG! No way! You are not being too sensitive. Those comments were horrible. A. The guy in Target was NOT trying to be helpful. He was trying to show how much of an @#$hole he was...he succeeded. Big tough guy! Tool. And B. Your uncle MAY have been trying to let you know he would like you to lose weight and the only way he can do it is by being mean....maybe you'll get mad and lose weight. Whatever his reasons were...you have to find your voice. Crying and being sad is a victims response. You're a fighter!!!!!! Tell your uncle that his comments aren't helpful or funny...you are working everyday to become the person YOU want to be. Not who he wants you to be. You are going to get there....no thanks to people like them. Those comments are NOT about you. They are comments made by unsupportive, insecure people that need to knock you down to have a moment for themselves. You are better than that.
Last edited by kmac1196; 05-20-2013 at 06:18 AM.
Reason: spelling
I'm so sorry you had those mean comments directed at you. Please don't take them to heart; focus on the positive- we've all got your back!
I wish I could say that it doesn't happen once the weight is off. I've had some nasty remarks after losing the weight that really hurt my feelings. One lady in our religious community asked if I kept any of my fat clothes, saying I bet I could wrap it around me five times now. She also said, when I mentioned I was doing a half marathon [3rd one next week, woot woot], that that must be for people who can't do a whole one [have a full in October!]. Ugh, made me feel like crap, but then I realized that she probably couldn't run a mile, and even though she's relatively trim, shes' mean. We can always adjust our lifestyles to help with weight and fitness; it's much more difficult to change personality.
Keep on going, and know that for every bad comment, there are many more of us cheering you on.
It sucks that happened, and I hope it doesn't happen again, but if it does, look the person right in the eye, smile and say, "yes, you ARE an asshat" just as if they asked for your opinion.
Seriously, those people don't matter. Don't give them the power to ruin your day or derail your efforts. You are making terrific progress on a difficult task. THAT is what matters.
Location: Home of the Pirates, Steelers and Penguins
Posts: 12,395
S/C/G: 217/179/142
Height: 5'2
Quote:
Originally Posted by hhm6
. I had mentioned this to a friend and he told me I was being a little overly sensitive, am I? Because I really don't think I am.
Anyway, thanks for listening 3fc peeps!
No, you are NOT being overly sensitive, those people were being overly rude. Why do people think it's OK to do this? If the Target guy wanted to be helpful, he would have given you some pointers on how to use the weights, such as safety issues etc and admired you for taking a step in the right direction. And your uncle....well I have no respect for him, even if he is a relative.
Ok memorize this comeback, it will work for all kinds of insults: "Haha you're so right (sarcastically). I might lose weight, I might gain weight, but you'll still be an ________!" (insert favorite insult)
Honestly I probably would have reacted the same way at Target. I'm never prepared for insults. But I know that if I was at dinner with an uncle who said that I would have walked out and left. Life is too short to pay any attention to jerks, especially ones that you have to see again.
Hugs, sorry that happened to you. People are just rude. There is no explaining it really. It is hard not to internalize stuff like that but there is no reason to. It had nothing to do with you personally. People really are just rude.
I'm sorry you had to deal with that, especially twice in the same day. Family members have a knack for thinking they have the right to say certain things by virtue of being family. I have an aunt who feels it is her job to find something about everyone in the room to "help them improve". Weight, gray hair, and new wrinkles are her personal favorites. I choose to ignore her because the reality is that she is miserable and wants to make others miserable. Now, as for the guy in Target...I just can't understand what would posses a perfect stranger who is not even engaged in conversation with you to come up and say something like that. What goes through a person's mind that makes them think being downright mean and hurtful is okay? I would have been tempted to say, "If I do get in shape like you will I become a raging a--hole too? I'm just curious if that's a side effect or if you've always been a heartless jerk." Of course, it's easy for me to be a Monday morning quarterback and say what I would have done. I think you likely did the right thing by walking away and not escalating it...you were the better person in that moment for certain.
You're not being over sensitive. People like that have big problems with themselves when they feel the need to make others feel bad. Their problem, not yours. Hugs.
The Target guys, unfortunately are just what happens when a$$holes have kids and raise their kids to be a$$holes. I always pray those kind of people are sterile...as mean as that sounds, at tleast I know that kind of heartlessness will end with their passing and not be taught to a new generation. Their behavior comes from some kind of short coming in their own life. Maybe they have crappy jobs and any decent girl won't give them a second thought, or maybe they were short changed in the manhood dept either way, something makes them seek out degrading others to make themselves feels better, which is a very immature, some thing typical of children, which speaks a lot about their emotional development...and which is probably why they will never advance in their life, career or relationship wise, so they are stuck putting down others in a Target to feel like they are worth something.
As for your uncle, my dad is kind of like that...kind of..he will only make openly insulting comments about being "too thin" which to me is just as hurtful. He will make those types of comments about over weight women, but never too them, only if they are not around. I hate to say this about my dad, but his life has had a lot of short comings as well. I don't think he has the insight to see that those comments are coming from a place of insecurity. I also suspect that my grandfather was the same, though I can't be sure because he passes when I was a kid. I know that eating disorders are rampid in my family, and I think poor body image/judgment was passed down to my dad & aunts.
Regardless, of the root of insults, you should not allow someone to talk to you like that. I have found that often if you simply just call out someone that has made a rude comment on their rude comment you will catch them off guard, and they will think twice in the future. Most people that make these remarks do so with no thought of their victim and typically don't expect their victim to speak up. I've noticed for me, I get basically no rude comments from anyone I have ever met, because people realize pretty quick I'm not someone they want to piss off. May dad has said a few things but he is really the only person that I have never unleashed my attitude on.
People will however make rude comments to those that they think will take it. And if your uncle expects her can say whatever he pleases without you ripping him a new one, he will probably do just that.
I'm not saying to be mean, but let people know you wont take their ****. You don't deserve to be treated that way.
I'm sorry these things happened to you. Those are not people, they are subhumans!
It's about respect, these morons were disrespectful to you. Of course, it's easy for idiots to be disrespectful to you or me, but if it were a 6"6" tall guy, obese or not, they would think twice before making such comments.
I just don't know why some people react by crying/being hurt, reserve those things for those who do care about you! These idiots are inferior beings and have no say whatsoever in your life. What if you WANTED to be obese, it is none of their effing business either way. I would just tell them, in a laid back manner to 1) go eff themselves and mind their own business and 2) unless you pay my bills who the **** do you think you are to give me unsolicited opinions.
Have to say I feel sorry for the guy, what kind of buffoon goes around assuming things about people and addressing them like that, have to feel sorry for whoever has to share living space with it (it because it is a thing not a human being).
Have to say I feel sorry for the guy, what kind of buffoon goes around assuming things about people and addressing them like that, have to feel sorry for whoever has to share living space with it (it because it is a thing not a human being).
Agree! I also think "wow their mother must be proud!" but typically their mother isn't the most upstanding person either. If my son's turn out like that, I'd just die of embarrassment and well truth be told, feel like I failed as a mother...but that's my opinion.
What w*nkers. Disgusting behaviour. Just do what you have to do to get the weight off but people like this obviously have issues of some sort so the most important thing for you is that it not put you off track. Bet they have both got small willies.
I'm sorry these things happened to you. Those are not people, they are subhumans!
It's about respect, these morons were disrespectful to you. Of course, it's easy for idiots to be disrespectful to you or me, but if it were a 6"6" tall guy, obese or not, they would think twice before making such comments.
I just don't know why some people react by crying/being hurt, reserve those things for those who do care about you! These idiots are inferior beings and have no say whatsoever in your life. What if you WANTED to be obese, it is none of their effing business either way. I would just tell them, in a laid back manner to 1) go eff themselves and mind their own business and 2) unless you pay my bills who the **** do you think you are to give me unsolicited opinions.
Have to say I feel sorry for the guy, what kind of buffoon goes around assuming things about people and addressing them like that, have to feel sorry for whoever has to share living space with it (it because it is a thing not a human being).
As someone with moderate general anxiety and social anxiety, crying isn't just about being sad. Really, any intense feelings can make me cry, but a lot of anger is pretty much a sure thing to make me cry. I rarely cry when I'm sad.
Why are people so rude??
either way, something makes them seek out degrading others to make themselves feels better, which is a very immature, some thing typical of children, which speaks a lot about their emotional development...and which is probably why they will never advance in their life, career or relationship wise, so they are stuck putting down others in a Target to feel like they are worth something.
If my son's turn out like that, I'd just die of embarrassment and well truth be told, feel like I failed as a mother...but that's my opinion.
