You've found a great place to come and vent, share or ask for prayer support.
This is a great group who will be very encouraging, caring and loving....
....anyone is welcome to join!
A Servant's Prayer --
Jesus, My Jesus....How marvelous are your ways....
Far more splendid than my mind can envision.
What an honor to be chosen by you.
A lowly child I am, but empowered by the Holy Spirit
to fulfill the great hope to which you have called me.
I give myself totally to you, Lord.
Take my imperfect heart and make it perfect.
Peel away the hardness.
Close the doors I have opened to the temptations of this world.
Gently remove the roots of painful memories, sins, doubts and fears.
Discard anything that separates me from you.
Lord, fill the emptiness with the light of your love that I might be a
beacon calling the lost back to you.
To love as you love.....
To serve as you serve.....
To forgive as you forgive.....
Always mindful of my nothingness while doing great
and marvelous things in your name and for your glory.
This I pray, Jesus, in YOUR name ...
Amen.
================================
Thank the LORD, that the is finally here this week; and the buds are coming out on the trees. The daffodils are in full bloom and the tulips are close behind. We also have some tiny purple/blue flowers that look like miniature Irises or snapdragons; they are very pretty though. I think spring has truly arrived. Have a Marvellous Month of May everyone ...
WOWIE ~ not much action in our Christian Encourager Chat Thread lately. I know that we all have been going through so much lately; and spring and summer are always a busy time of the year for all of us. I have been busy a lot myself with our doctor appts, DH in the hospital & visiting him; and all chemo appts, etc. Plus with spring finally here, there are just the everyday stuff to get done in the house and outdoors too.
I am trying to get some good rest while DH is in the hospital for his assessment with the Community Access Team; they have such good programs here -- I wish we had this available all across the province. He just loves the structured activities that are offered each day (morning, afternoon, and evening). The whole team works together to help find the best personal care, medications, counselling, food, and daily activities so they can improve the quality of their lives. DH loves it there but will have to go home eventually if he wants to be near family; I am sure he will decide on that when the time comes.
My chemo drugs (esp the steroids) are causing me to gain weight, esp water-weight and some other lbs becuz they make you so hungry you feel ravenous, so you eat / munch too much. Plus we have had so much stress here with DH's issues; one cannot describe how much work it takes to look after someone with advanced Alzheimers each day, esp someone with DH's kind of personality -- very active, not sleeping, confused & lost, having hallucinations, wandering, depression (which is a bit better), anxiety, paranoia & fears, and of course, anger & frustration, and acceptance issues. He's a going concern for sure -- so it takes a village, esp in Alzheimers & Dementia cases like his.
The Owen Sound hospital has a wonderfrul Geriatric Unit that specializes in this kind of care and the Access Team has been wonderful helping us out. We go next Thursday for the family consult to find out results of the tests and what recommendations are for medication and programs to help us here and later on, when we can go back home when my chemo treatments are done.
Sooo, they don't want me to lose any weight until I am done my treatments, so that means no dieting. Instead, they just want me to change what I am eating, adding in more protein, dairy foods like milk & yogurt, veggies, salads, and fruit, of course. They are getting me to eat more at my meals to stave of snacking issues; it seems to help a bit but not right after taking the steroids. As they wear off, I feel less hungry. I really think that my body is rebounding after losing so much weight so fast from the tumor just before the surgery -- they also think I am carrying 15-20 lbs of extra water-weight which are caused by the chemo meds too, but they say that should go away after all the treatments are done. I pray they are correct about that.
It is upsetting to have worked so hard to lose that weight and keep it off for over 7 years only to gain it back becuz of these chemo meds -- it is very frustrating for me. I will have so much work to do when I get home in that area; and I pray that the weight will stop coming on very soon.
I did some hemming some pants today; one pair of dress pants a day will do. I have 3 more pairs to do; boy, I have had a really hard time finding pants in my size -- either they are too small or too large. I seem to be in a very popular size range and availability is a problem in this area. Maybe when I get back home I will have better fortune in that area.
Anyways, it's time to go see about dinner, so take care; and I hope you are all enjoying the spring weather where you live. We finally had some today. It's been very dry here except for some snow in April; maybe the spring rains were just a bit late. Lots of flowers blooming right now: Daffodils, tulips, crocuses, mini-snapdragons, some flowering bushes, chives, and of course those dandelions are growing like crazy.
Last edited by Justwant2Bhealthy; 05-10-2013 at 06:16 PM.
... HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY -- to all you Moms out there ... hope you have a nice one!!!
My sister and I are just having a quiet relaxing day here at home alone, with BIL at his mother's place (he took her out to lunch today); and DH is still in the hospital but he is doing fine. The snow is letting up a bit now; it has all melted but it is still quite windy out there yet -- crazy weather we are having during our springtime right now, eh? Maybe the sun will peak out this afternoon, who knows?
I did some laundry yesterday and went for a walk in the late afternoon, but may have overdone it a bit as my legs hurt and I was exhausted last night. So, I fell asleep very early in the evening; but it was probably good for me to get a good, deep sleep as the chemo symptoms/side effects kick in at this time -- the sore skin, swelling & tenderness, sore muscles, fatigue, and acne, etc. Praying that the side effects will stay milder like they did in round #3; that would be excellent. Just two more rounds and the recupe to do now; after that, they will do a few more tests and a cat scan to make sure everything is OK before we go back home.
Praying for my sister, NUMPSTER, that her teeth surgery goes well tomorrow (Monday) and that she will have minimal pain and swelling; and heal up real fast. Plus that our meeting goes well on Thursday for DH and that we find the help that we need for now and when we get home. Hope you all are doing well and that you have a great week coming up ...
Last edited by Justwant2Bhealthy; 05-12-2013 at 02:52 PM.
We had some lovely yesterday; it was a bit windy and cool, but it was still a perfect day for a drive, so we went out and got a MR. FREEZY Ice Cream Cone -- this is about all my sister can eat at this time. I had never had one before (first time), and it was a treat for sure -- the man makes all his own ice cream for his summer shop.
WE picked up a few specials and some fruit before coming back home in the early evening; it was nice to get out & about, and have some fun for a change. Plans are being finalized for my niece's wedding on June 1st. We will be driving up there a few days before -- just after my fifth chemo round. It should be a good time to travel then, but I may be a lot more tired on the way home (around the 10th). It is a very long trip -- a 13-hour drive each way. We are praying for travel angels for the entire trip, of course.
We have never been that far west in this province, so that makes it more special as well (only DH has been there before: to Thunder Bay, Ontario). We are all looking forward to it, esp our youngest sister who is coming all the way from the far northern area of Manitoba (Flin Flon) for the wedding. We haven't seen each other since our mother's funeral 20 years ago (although we do communicate on the phone and through computers).
Lots to look forward to with the rehearsal dinner, the wedding & reception; and my sister, NUMPSTER, is putting on an after-wedding brunch for Sunday morning which is a nice extra gift for families and some special friends.
This is the second week of chemo where the meds really kick in to do their stuff, so the acne, sensitive skin, and sore muscles are here for the next few days at least. Prayers they don't get any worse, and that my blood platelets rise back up over 100 so the fifth chemo treatment stays on schedule.
We have an overcast sky today and had only a few light sprinkles early on today. We have lots more birdies coming to our feeders here: Baltimore Orioles, BlueJays, Rose-breasted Grosbeaks (both male & female), gold finches, purple finches, warblers, sparrows, and chickadees, etc. Many of the blackbirds, sparrows, and junkos have moved on leaving only a few that are nesting in the area.
Thanks to all of you for your prayers and well wishes. Have a great week, everyone ...
Hi, everyone-I'm going to vent big-time here, so if you want to skip over my post, this is your warning
I mentioned a while back that my mom had gone off her bipolar/schizophrenia meds. Unfortunately, she's back to her paranoid and rambling state of mind and it's driving me insane!! After listening to her rant on the phone for half an hour last week about how 'those people hacked' her medical records and 'put chemicals in her furnace ducts' to make her sick, I dared to tell her that 'those people' are not after her (in fact, the ones she names are now dead) and that nothing's actually happening. I reminded her that we had talked about his when she went off the meds and she had agreed to see a doctor if she started getting paranoid again. She actually insisted that if 'those people' are dead, then it's their children who are after her now &, of course, she hung up on me-when she gets like this, she won't listen to ANYONE about the truth-it's just what her mind comes up with.
She's now talking to me again, but still ranting about the 'chemicals' that were put in her home and she's thrown away all her curtains and food and has all the new foods sealed in ziploc bags. This is typical behavior for her when she's off the meds. I'm just trying to keep the boys away from her as much as I can, but they still mow her lawn, so I go along to keep watch and try to steer the conversations away from her rants.
I'm feeling very stressed and have no idea what's going to come next. DH is no help at all and my sister, who lives 6 hours away now, is moving to AZ, so she's no help either. My MS is acting up again and I feel like I want to scream. I never know if Mom's going to attempt suicide again or if she's going to threaten someone, but there's nothing anyone can do unless she actually states that she might cause harm in front of a doctor (and she NEVER does that-she's learned how to manipulate the process). The most that might happen unless she demonstrates that she's a threat, is a 3-day stay in the mental ward-3 days on the meds and she quits them immediately when she comes home.
There are days I wonder why God hasn't taken her yet....and the guilt I feel saying that is immeasurable. I don't understand why we've had to deal with this for the last 46 years! Why couldn't I have had a normal and nice mother?! I feel like I lost my mom a long time ago and have had to live with this mean, unstable impersonator all these years. Just when we were starting to have a good relationship, she found out that the court-order was expired and went off the meds again.
I can see why my dad drank. He had no one to talk to about her. He couldn't leave her, because he knew (in the 70's) that he had no chance of getting custody of us and he told me several years ago that he felt he had to stay to protect us from her. She had attempted suicide and I wonder if she had threatened to kill us too. Dad's gone, so I can't ask him for clarification. I'm scared to leave the boys alone with her, even thought they're both over 6' and much stronger than her, but her words cause more harm than anyone would imagine.
I need someone to talk to who would understand, but my pastor is worthless (that's a vent for another time) and I just don't have many friends-too many moves and my best friend died a little over a year ago. She's the one who understood everything and didn't judge. I miss her so much...
Thanks for listening if you got this far...I really needed to get some of this out before I exploded or imploded. Funny thing is that I'm not losing control of my eating-yay! I know God's in control, but I need Him to let me know what to do and soon, before Mom's too out of control. Thanks, friends....
RONNI ~ we feel very sad for you that things have turned out this way for your mother; we are all sending up prayers that GOD will intervene in a positive way to help her and your family. Don't feel badly about ranting; sometimes ranting helps us feel better, as does crying (my DAD said that just today: this helps him feel better when things go wrong).
I wrote a song once called HEALING TEARS -- that GOD would always let every tear that falls be a healing tear. I really believe that works for us if we let it. Crying isn't a bad thing; it a great healer. Journaling (or ranting on paper) can be very therapeutic for us too. I also like to write poems and songs; and singing them helps lift me up, esp songs of hope and praise.
Although we don't understand why some of these things are happening in our lives at this time; and why they are being allowed for such a long time -- we still need to trust GOD that He is still in control. Remember RONNI, that GOD will not force himself upon anyone; and He may allow something to happen for several reasons: that person isn't listening to Him; they haven't asked him for help or intervention (your mother may feel she doesn't need help); for a life lesson for your mother and/or others that know her; or the time for her healing is yet to come. We may not find out the reason for awhile.
MY BIL pointed out today that JOSEPH was in prison almost his whole adult life for a crime he didn't commit; and he was a very GODLY young man. He must have wondered why GOD took so long to answer his prayers to get out of prison, but there was an important reason why he was there -- two nation's survival were depending on it. This clever young man was being prepared for a very important job in the distant future: he would save two nations from extinction, and would be running one nation as the 2nd top man in command in Egypt (like a president; only the Pharoah was above him).
Look at JOB -- he must have thought the same thing; look at all the tragedy & suffering he endured for quite some time -- he lost all of his children, his home, his fortune, and his health. Look how long the Jews roamed in the wilderness before being allowed to go into the promised land -- like homeless gypsies for over 40 years. I think that most likely there were/are lessons to be learned for everyone involved, so ask the LORD for wisdom and strength on how to deal with this situation. When the issue doesn't go away, you should always pray for help to endure it and/or manage it in a better way.
Prayers continue for you, your mother, and your family as well.
BTW ~ I totally understand some of the things you are feeling; and have similar thoughts at times (they are a normal human reaction to a very stressful situation). DH said that he would rather be dead than go into a nursing home (he still remembers that his mother was abused in a nursing home); so we don't mention that name around him, nor Alzheimers either. He does and says very hurtful things at times (esp to me as I spend so much time with him). He called my BIL a moron one day and that has stuck like glue; there are some things people say and do that once said, and no matter how much you apologize, the hurt still remains for the person you have offended. Like DH introducing his newest girlfriend to me when I went to visit him; it was hard to hear and watch that as his wife of 24 years who has done so much for him, but it is the disease that causes this. He had told her I had died; but they both apologized. I told them I don`t mind them being friends at all, just to behave themselves and to censor their friendship when I come to visit.
It is the same for your mother: that is not her, RONNI -- that is the disease talking. So protect your sons as much as possible; maybe they could cut the grass when she is out or put earplugs in (pretending the noise of the mower bothers them). I am not kidding, sometimes I put earplugs in so I don`t have to listen to DH`s rantings becuz he says things that are hurtful and very negative. We try to distract him as much as possible, but we don`t have a whole team of medical and social staff to help us here. I think we have been doing very well considering the circumstances and our limited help, but that should change soon; and DH is doing better with more sleep and new meds. I think with the 3 days a week of social activities and some personnel support help, we should be able to manage much better.
EDIT2ADD: also DH remembers that I am his wife now that he is back at home; so being away for that short time (2 weeks) has had some good benefits (that was another reason I didn`t want him to be there too long). We are continuing the schedule just like at the hospital (my brother`s idea) and with the help we will get, I think things will be much better. He learned how much freedom he had at home and how much he didn`t have there; so that is making a difference too, IMHO. He just told us how glad he was to be back at home and with his wife again, so that is answered prayer. We just have to keep praying and looking for wisdom whenever anything comes up.
Last edited by Justwant2Bhealthy; 05-19-2013 at 12:05 PM.
Rosebud-glad your DH is now home with you! I know it's stressful, but must also be a comfort to know he's with you and you know what he's doing. Thank you for the reminders of how God is there even when we aren't sure about that and how He can use our circumstances for our & other's good. You and your DH continue to be in my prayers
Well, the situation with Mom has stagnated. Basically, since there's only one person HERE who's heard her say anything potentially dangerous (that she had quit eating), there's nothing that can be done. The court can't take a statement from my sister unless she can come here in person, which she can't do, because of her recent surgery. I can call the police to do a 'welfare check' on her, which will probably set her off in a big way and then they'd have to take her to the ER for referral to the psych ward, but, as of Sunday, she was back to eating and 'behaving,' sort of.... I found out that she had driven 2 hours one way in the middle of the night to the state capital (and slept in her car in the middle of the city) and filed a complaint with the state criminal investigation dept. about the local police (in her delusion, they are the ones who are 'poisoning' her now). They informed the local police chief about the complaint, who let me know that he knew Mom was having problems again-he's a good, kind Christian man and confided that he had a mentally ill relative, so he knows what I'm going through. Also found out that Mom claims that she's been 'cleared of having a mental illness.' Don't know where she thinks she heard that one.....
Anyway, basically, NOTHING can be done at this time. There should have been a hearing when the court order was due to expire, but, in some kind of personnel changeover at the mental health clinic, her case was forgotten. There was no hearing. The court order expired. And, now, we have to start all over from ground zero to get an order back in place. Mental health treatment in this country really stinks
RONNI ~ OH, how ironic that all is; in our country (as you have seen) we don't have any problem getting the government bodies involved -- at times, they get involved too much, IMO. That is what happened in our case. Too bad there isn't a happy medium where you can get help when you need it; and none when you don't ...
We will still pray for you & your family; plus that your mother will get some kind of help before there is any severe harm come her way; and may GOD's angels protect her always ...
UPDATE ~ our worker from the CAC came today and we found out why there was such a humongous mix-up with our case. One or more of the team members misunderstood the circumstances of our situation. They thought that DH was all alone and had no-one to take care of him. There was a foul-up in the communications between the different workers. They thought I was away getting chemo treatment in another place, and that DH was left to stay with my relatives, when in fact, we have been together all the time.
I still don't know what this means for us as far as the financial trusteeship is concerned; but he recommended that I still try to apply for POA on my own, just in case that is needed. I explained our whole situation to him in detail; and it was nice to have someone finally talk to me personally about our issues. If this step had been taken in the beginning, this mistake would not have been made.
We approached this team for some specific kinds of help, some of which we have received and we are grateful for that; but they offered some kinds that were not appropriate for our situation, so we declined those -- like the safety occupational therapist that wanted to visit today. We have already taken measures in that area on our own. You know, this is a learning experience for us too, becuz everyone is different and everyone has different needs.
I had already arranged for some long-term care for the distant future before I left our home just in case, becuz my surgery was a very risky one as you all know. I knew that GOD had promised me that I would make it, but not everyone has our kind of faith. I told the mental health worker that I thought they were just waiting for me to drop into my grave ... ... not so funny really!
My oncologist is confident that my cancer is totally curable; and more tests will be done when the therapy is finished. I will ask for regular follow-ups to make sure that nothing is missed in the future. I met a lady this week who had the same kind of cancer as me (and a tumor removed as well), but she felt the follow-ups and treatments should have been more consistent and longer as her cancer came back a few years later. Her name is JACKIE, and we are praying the chemo she is taking now will work and put her into full remission.
DH is doing really well at home right now; and he loves the day-away program where they meet people and do all kinds of activities. I am so glad that he loves it so much as boredom was huge issue for him. His whole demeanor has changed; making him much more cheerful too. I figured this might help him a lot.. Thanks for our prayers and kind words of support ...
Rosebud, there seems to be a ray of hope in your situation. Praise God! I am a little dubious when I hear a cancer is curable. I did all the right things and after 20 years it came back Oncologist says this is a lttle unusual but not rare. I can only speak for my case but you may understand that I am a little skeptical. I am told I am not curable but am treatable and that is where I am now and strangely enough I am OK with it.My trust is in God .I only bring it up as I don't want anyone to get overconfident at the promises we get from our Doctors. I will be praying for Jackie and of course am still praying for you not only physically but other areas as well.
BARGOO ~ yes, I understand what you mean and even told that to the CAC worker today; that is why I mentioned JACKIE to you all today. She had a similar kind as me (ovarian tumor), except that mine had not spread to my body and JACKIE's did. My microscopic, inactive cells were contained in my tumor but hers were not. So, while that gives me a little more hope in that area, like you, I know how this can come back in some cases.
My DAD's cancer has come back but he is 80 years old now; so it was a long time later and his doctors are optimistic that they can get it out and with chemo, he will have an extended life again. I mean, the longer we live, the possibility is still there; and I am not as naïve about that as I may seem. We can only hope and put our trust in GOD in these kinds of situations ...
Great strides have come in the treatment of cancer over the years. I thank God for the progress that has been made .
Truth be told there are worse physical conditions that one can have. I think of the lady at church with Lou Gehrig's disease. This has attacked and killed five members of her family. She has a rare genetic form of the disease.
Christian Encouragers ~ MAY 2013 ...
Welcome Friends 
is finally here this week; and the buds are coming out on the trees. The daffodils are in full bloom and the tulips are close behind. We also have some tiny purple/blue flowers that look like miniature Irises or snapdragons; they are very pretty though. I think spring has truly arrived. Have a Marvellous Month of May everyone ... 
WOWIE ~ not much action in our Christian Encourager Chat Thread lately. I know that we all have been going through so much lately; and spring and summer are always a busy time of the year for all of us. I have been busy a lot myself with our doctor appts, DH in the hospital & visiting him; and all chemo appts, etc. Plus with spring finally here, there are just the everyday stuff to get done in the house and outdoors too. 
today. It's been very dry here except for some snow in April; maybe the spring rains were just a bit late. Lots of flowers blooming right now: Daffodils, tulips, crocuses, mini-snapdragons, some flowering bushes, chives, and of course those dandelions are growing like crazy. 
... 
... not so funny really! 
