Dear friends. I lost 145lbs. I felt good for a while. I added in exercise and am now a bit of a gym nut. However I am bigger. I look bigger, feel bigger and am even more unhappy with my body than ever. I have gained a few kilos. However I am scared by the recent dysmorphic view I have of myself in the mirror. I swear I looked 300lbs an hour ago, when I was trying to plan my clothes for tomorrow. Honestly I am terrified. There's no logic. I have measured myself- things have not changed massively. I don't weigh myself regularly, but know from my last weigh in that I have gained around 10lbs. I am doing everything to lose these again, but there's more to it. My perspective is skewiff ! Please help me regain my persepctive and not undo all the good work.
Look what you have done, you have lost half your body weight!! AMAZING STUFF!! My recommendation is to find a way to calm yourself, and start doing what you know has been successful in the past. Do keep exercising, but maybe look at your portions??
I totally understand about the body dysmorphia. I saw a picture of myself taken a week ago, and I swear, I look 205 pounds in it, not the 155 pounds that I know I weighed that day!
Don't freak out. You've got this. And we've got your back!
Last edited by newleaf123; 04-08-2013 at 01:29 PM.
Thanks girls. It's driving me to distraction. I can't sleep. I'm stressed. I feel bloated to the point where I thought about taking a pregnancy test! Arghh. My DD says it's mental. She knows 100% where I've been and what I've accomplished, but this is odd, terrifying and difficult to cope with. Yet another hiccup in the road that is weightless.
Boy can I relate! Sometimes I feel perfectly wonderful, and sometimes I feel incredibly huge (all in the same day). I had decided to start maintaining. Then was hovering at the top of my range, and went over my "red line", and decided to start losing again. I don't think I have any advice, but you're not alone!
If it's at all possible in your situation, maybe you could see a counselor. I went to one for a couple months and I found it helped me quite a lot.
If it's at all possible in your situation, maybe you could see a counselor. I went to one for a couple months and I found it helped me quite a lot.
I don't mean to go off topic and/or be nosy, but what do you talk to a counselor about in regards to weightloss? I have one available at my doctor's office but I always brush it off. I don't want my high school weight issues coming out now 20 years later because I gained weight (or whatever issue might come up). I promise I'm not trivializing it, I just get nervous thinking about seeing someone to talk about weight (if that makes any sense). I'm afraid of making things worse for myself even though it might be good.
A good counsellor will not necessarily delve into old issues but help you find good strategies for dealing with it today. So Starbrite - there's NO WAY you're looking "huge". No way. You even know in the intellectual part of your head that this is true. You're only 'a blob' in the emotional part of your head. That part of your head is telling you BAD THINGS and LIES. It is exaggerating a small weight gain (that could be muscle or could be fat or even water, I don't know - but it's something you need to assess logically and deal with accordingly). A counsellor might help you be able to let the emotional side of your head match the reality that your intellectual mind knows and the rest of the world sees.
I say this...knowing I need to make an appointment myself. My emotional head tells me all kinds of horrible things...not about my weight...but about all kinds of other stuff. So I know this is hard.
Thnaks people, special thanks Almost me. I've had a better few days. Not perfect but better. I felt slim today, but now as I'm typing see my belly as huge. Intellectually I know I wear a size 8, don't overeat and burn at least 500 cals through exercise a day. What I am still struggling with id the vision in the mirror. I lost weight to be healthy, but I also lost weight to look and feel good. Something that has been lacking of late
Oh my gosh, I can't believe you are doubting yourself! (I don't mean that in a rude way!) You are an inspiration to me, you lost a person! You must have amazing resolve, I really admire that. I'm sorry you were down on yourself, sometimes we all have a few bad days, I hope you are seeing the beauty in and outside of yourself today.
Ah Lecomtes. Thanks I needed that. I think some of he problem is that I have got used to the new me. I spent all my life overweight, and living in a smaller body is weird. I know from one day to the next if I have gained weight. At 300lbs I could have gained 100lbs and not really noticed it. I know it's another mental issue that I was not prepared for. I need time. I need to know that I am not back to 300lbs both mentally, intellectually and sentiently. Oh my, what a complex issue this is.
Ah Lecomtes. Thanks I needed that. I think some of he problem is that I have got used to the new me. I spent all my life overweight, and living in a smaller body is weird. I know from one day to the next if I have gained weight. At 300lbs I could have gained 100lbs and not really noticed it. I know it's another mental issue that I was not prepared for. I need time. I need to know that I am not back to 300lbs both mentally, intellectually and sentiently. Oh my, what a complex issue this is.
I totally relate to this part of your post. I have gained about 10 pounds and though others still see me as slim, I see my poochy tummy big time! I also am frustrated that many of my clothes aren't fitting. Mentally I feel fat again. I know that if I lose 5-10 pounds I'll feel trim again. It is such a tight rope we walk sometimes. Hugs to you.
Aside from the dietary advice for the 10 pounds.....I think you know what to do there..... Extra sleep, water, watch portions and get your work out on...have you tried photographing yourself? I am doing this fairly regularly. It is helping me see how I really am and not how I think I am. Measurement s will also help you keep tabs on fat gain.
Boy do I know this feeling. I gained this fall. Lost a bit, gained a bit. I'm back on track now but in the mirror I SWEAR I see the 275 Melissa, not the 185 Melissa.
Even yesterday, I was shocked that the size 10 shorts from last year fit me. I thought I wouldn't get them over my hips as I'm SO HUGE in my mind. Never mind the fact that my every day pants are also size 10... so how would the shorts be any different?
My mind had gotten used to the thinner me, so ANYTHING extra on me now makes my mind feel that I'm all the way back to where I was.
Instead of celebrating that I've kept the majority of the weight off, I'm mad at myself for regaining ANY OF IT.
My head is in a better place most of the time, but yes... I understand.
Starbrite I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling with these issues. I have similar issues. When I look at my avatar or some of the pictures from our cruise I look like a normal person. Most of the pictures I feel I look like a freak. I also look like a freak when I look in the mirror most of the time and especially the side profile. I just look weird and very freakish and I don't understand why. There's something weird about my jaw and mouth, too. I have looked at some of the pictures from when I was heavier but I don't relate to them either. Something else, when I am sitting, I swear my legs look huge and wide. It's like they are the same size they were when I was 300-400 pounds. I have gotten to where I just ignore it and hope that I will adjust. I don't have any answers, but just know you are not alone.
Thanks, I really appreciate knowing that this is not just me. It has been terrifying me, and although I still eat well most of the time, I do allow the occasional treat to slip in. I don't eat sugar at all, but have had other foods that previously I would't allow. However, I do compensate for this with hours in the gym, which I didn't do when losing. I wonder whether the muscle hiding under the skin that I have left as a result of losing so much weight, is getting bigger, and there fore making me look bigger instead of toned?? Frustrated and angry are two feelings I can seriously relate to at the moment. I am trying however, to keep sane about it all. I've certainly learnt over the time I have been at this, that there are many surprises
Help- things are spiralling :(
and you aren't alone.
You must have amazing resolve, I really admire that. I'm sorry you were down on yourself, sometimes we all have a few bad days, I hope you are seeing the beauty in and outside of yourself today. 
It's like they are the same size they were when I was 300-400 pounds. I have gotten to where I just ignore it and hope that I will adjust. 
I don't have any answers, but just know you are not alone.
