I guess I have been deluding myself into thinking I will ever look like I did before I got fat. I have close to 100 pounds to lose total, and am currently at 24 pounds gone.
I basically feel like I'm trading one cosmetic issue for others....and I don't know how I feel about that. Of course the huge benefit is that I will be healthier.
I have horrible self esteem/confidence as it stands. I always have, even when I was normal weight.
Instead of being huge and fat, once I lose this weight I know I will have saggy skin, smaller boobs (already shrinking) and will hate how I look naked. I know my husband will love me no matter what, but the thought of him looking at me, now and when I lose the weight disgusts me for him.
I hate that I let myself get so big, and for so long. I hate it. Today I'm having a really down day over it.
When I first started this journey, I had only seen pics of people who lost weight either fully clothed, or looking like die hard hard bodies. Now I've been seeing pics of a lot more women who have lost weight on the internet and most of them have definite indicators they lost a large amount of weight.
To top all of that off, my hair has been thinning for years, even before I started losing weight. I've been dying my hair since my early 20's, when I started going gray. I have much more body hair then I feel is acceptable and now I have more facial hair as well.
I do not know how to "help" myself overcome these issues, insecurities and build up my confidence.
My husband has been explaining to me that I will have lose skin, and for me not to be upset over it. But I'm upset. Upset that I have "ruined" my body for good. So many people hate tattoos because it "ruins" the skin. I love tattoos and think they are beautiful and have some myself. I think I ruined my body a milliion times more than any "bad" tattoo ever could.
Am I alone feeling this way? Any self help books you can offer? Advice?
I'm just disgusted with myself. Utterly disgusted.
I am sorry I don't have any advice, just wanted you to know I am in the same boat today and started a thread about it too. My mistake today was trying on bathing suits thinking I would be excited they were too big. I never even saw the suit, I just saw my thinner body and all my flaws. Made me so sad. I know exactly what you are feeling. But we will in fact be healthier thinner people when this is all said and done and that's the important part.
I would suggest seeing a therapist if you can. Seeing a therapist while losing weight can be really beneficial. Many people get fat due to low self esteem and until you fix it, it will be hard to maintain losses.
And don't forget - Skin and boobs can be fixed! If you hate them, you can get things fixed in the future - there is hope. And you may be surprised how much your skin shrinks and catches up with it. Things may not be as bad as you think.
And if your skin is SUPER SUPER bad, there are many cases where insurance will pay for it. So just keep moving forward and vow to cross that bridge when you get there.
Sounds like you have a wonderful husband! I'd love to meet someone who loved me thick or thin, stretch marks or loose skin.
It is true though, as I lose weight, I am more in touch with my body - and thus, more critical. I was in denial before and I think just never looked at it. Now I am horrified at how big I am - even at 25 lbs down!
A therapist doesn't interest me. I have been to sooo many for so long and got no where. Most of them would listen to what I had to say and at the end say, "Okay we will see you next week." I got better results talking to my dog.
I found one who was amazing. She actually gave me "homework" and it was helpful. Then she transferred and I lost her. Sucks.
My husband has been amazing. He does tell me often that he thinks I'm going to lose my weight and leave him. That really gets on my nerves, to be honest.
I know I should wait and see how it all pans out once the weight has been off a bit, but it is so hard. I'm a perfectionist and if I can't be perfect, I feel like a failure. Always have. Ugh....
Aw, Raven. I started out the same weight and height as you and honestly? I am more happier now. While I do have some bad days when I look in the mirror, the good days outweigh the bad. I have much more self-confidence and I can tell the others notice it as well. I still have about 40 more pounds to go and I know for sure I will have saggy boobs, loose hang-y tummy and likely loose inner thighs and all at 27 (or 28) when I reach goal! I have no kids either. I will never have a bikini body, it sucks, yes but over time I have accepted this over being 230lbs again ANYTIME.
Thanks for the replies. I hope I can learn to accept whatever comes. I just can't think of anything about my body I like, and even weight loss won't fix that. Ugh..
Why did I ever get so out of control? I know why. Depression. I am an emotional eater and it sucks. Well, I was untiil 1 Januray. Now I'm an emotional exerciser! LOL! Which is better of course. I head out and walk now when I'm emotional instead of eating.
I need to start upping my strength training to build more muscle, and hopefully it will help some. I've been so sporadic about that.
it used to worry me that im losing this weight and in the end im going to look horrible and possibly worse than before..and to be honest, at times it still worries me. but then i think well either way i have ruined my skin, i have stretch marks everywhere a stretch mark could be, and even when i was heavier, i already had loose skin (bingo wings) and i already felt terrible about how i looked (i always hid my arms and have since i was like 12 because of stretch marks) at 255lbs i had "back boobs" and "side boobs" and i felt like a monster anyways. so even when im fat (currently still am) i feel disgusting and like my body is ruined and i know that if i just stay overweight its a guarantee that that feeling wont go away, but if i lose the weight, who knows? atleast there is a possibility that even in my new (though still ruined with the battle scars from being fat) body, i could be more happy with myself. and if not for how i look than for what i had accomplished. i could be fat and ashamed of myself and hate how i look or i can be thinner and maybe still hate my body, but how would i know if i didnt try? maybe it will turn out alright..or maybe in the end it doesnt matter, because a ruined body is a ruined body no matter what weight you are...and you just have to learn to accept things that you cant change.
My friend and I were discussing this lastnight...and it is a legitimate fear, wondering if you will ever look good. I certainly still see the 200 lb version of myself in the mirror, but I just learned yesterday my trainer who is my height used to weigh 200 lbs so it is possible to look incredible! I think the key is once you get low, it can't be diet only anymore, you must also exercise.
But discussing flaws and what we see....
My friend also mentioned lastnight that I had perfect skin, just as a the MAC girl did a few weeks ago when I went to buy a new bottle of my favorite coverup. The girl in the store was like "why are you buying this?". To me? I have uneven, dull, blotchy, red, huge pore skin, and I CANNOT leave the house without makeup on. I think they're both crazy, but maybe we really are just way too hard on ourselves?
For me, it's not about trading one cosmetic issue for another because I didn't think my body looked very good at 260 lbs either. It wasn't just the fat, I was already lumpy and bumpy and saggy and stretch-marked. And I've spent a LOT of time trying to figure out why I regained most of the 65 lbs I lost a little over a year ago, and I think that being so disappointed that my body didn't look much better a 198 than it did at 263 was big part of it.
So a really big thing for me is coming to terms with the fact that even after I lose ~100 (it may be 80, it may be more than 100, but anywhere in that range), I am still not going to think my body looks all that good, although I think I will be happy enough with how I look in most clothes. But a bathing suit or naked? no way. But I don't like how I look in a bathing suit or naked now either.
Mostly I am focusing on the health aspects. Esp. with my dad having emergency heart surgery a week ago, this is even more crucial to me. I had my kid later in life (when I was 42) and he's only 8 now, and I need to be here and healthy for him for a long time. And what I look like is secondary to that.
So no, you aren't alone with these feelings, not at all. But I have decided to work at making those feelings less important than losing the weight and getting fit and healthy.
Yes my goal is to be Healthy..but I would be lying to myself if I did not admit that losing the weight is Not the End All for me.
I admit I look good in clothes I can wear an Extra Small or Small in the Junior Dept. But that is not enough for me and until I make the total transformation...I will not be Satisfied and feel I achieved by desired results!
Everyone has what is in their mind what's acceptable to them ...and I will keep working to remold by body till I get there!
In for a penny in for a pound as the old saying goes...
This could be exercise and diet, Or diet ,exercise and surgery....
I deserve my very best efforts.
Nice thing is The Hubby agrees that I need to do what I feel is best !
I have gotten,Mircodermabrasion ,Some Laser ,Botox to address some of my skin issues and I am happy and plan to continue with treating issues that losing weight has caused or effected.
I don't feel compelled to be perfect but I do Plan on being Comfortable in My Skin!!!even if a Doc has to TT and Lipo it ,stick a Needle in it and Massage it!!
Roo2
i too thought i just needed to lose weight to look like i used to, or pics of people who lost alot of weight and there was no sign. wrong(( just do what you can to work on muscles and any surgical or skin care options you can afford. and be glad you are one of the lucky ones who has somebody who "loves you no matter what" . i dont even have that, and wont ever have that perfect body to attract somebody who might, short of a miracle chance for surgeries, etc.
Hey guys- just wanted to let you know losing the weight is definitely worth it.
As time goes on I am getting or coming to terms with the new normal.
My tummy may have loose skin and be squishy but when I have my clothes on I look very good. For tight form fitting clothing I have shape wear and my tummy looks very good.
So please give yourself time for the self acceptance of yourself as your body morphs into a new shape.
Thinner My heart ached for you when I read your post.
I believe we need to nurture and value ourselves ...if we don't how can we expect others will. I can 't say I understand what your feeling but I want you to know I have faith that all things are possible , but you have to believe and be willing to put yourself out there.
No matter whether I'm Supersize or Funsize I have always loved and admired my many good qualities and None of them have ever had anything to do with Physical appearances.
Some of the most truly beautiful people I have known radiate a inner beauty...we all have an opportunity to develop and have this beautiful loving spirit.
Roo2
Aww thinner, first of all big *HUG*.
Second of all. That is simply not true. You don't need a perfect body to attract someone who will love you know matter what. It's hard to feel attractive when we are carrying extra weight and are unhealthy. But the closer we get to our goal weights and fitness goals the more confidence we feel, or should feel anyway. There is nothing wrong with being a little worried about our shrunken bodies, but that should not take away from the monumental changes we are making. The type of person who will love you no matter what is not going to be concerned with some extra squishiness. But you need to love yourself first. You are an amazing and beautiful person and stretch marks, extra skin or a squishy tummy is not going to change that.
Concerd About the Future After Weight Loss
and None of them have ever had anything to do with Physical appearances.
