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Old 02-06-2013, 11:08 AM   #6
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Rana's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 2,206

S/C/G: 189/186.8/160 (restart)

Height: 5'5"


I'm angry. Sad? Frustrated? Annoyed?

All of the above, I guess.

Another's doctor's appointment where my doctor was on my case about the weight I've gained and the weight I haven't lost. And then her annoyance that I wasn't going out full-fledged "I'm going to lose the weight today and prove to you that I can reach my goal weight!" because my school is demanding so much of me right now and work is getting overwhelming (as it normally does) and honestly, NO, I don't have time to go to the store after exercise class for 15 minutes (even though that's what I did last night) because going to the store isn't 15 minutes.

And the store doesn't always have what I eat.

And no, I don't eat Turkey Breast.

And no, I don't like vegetables put in the microwaves.

But the reality is that all of that is probably just as easy as she makes it to be, but I just don't have the energy to think about it that way and actually do it.

While food isn't entirely "comfort" in the sense that I don't eat a pint of Ben & Jerry's to feel better after a day at work; food is my "splurge". I don't get manis or pedis. I don't buy new clothes every weekend or even new make up. I don't go to movies or buy myself books. I work and work on my school and food is where I spend the money.

So, I like to make good meals. But to make good meals, it takes time. Time is not what I have. Yes, I am freezing extra portions and those have saved me on tons of time, but when I'm hungry and I need to eat, I'll eat. Even if it's over my calorie limit.

That's why I've gained 5 lbs. I don't want to deal with a hunger headache when I am working on my school stuff.

I don't want to cut down on coffee/sugar.

Yes, I know that eating more will make me gain weight. I'm not stupid! I lost 30-35 lbs eating less and moving more.

And at the end of the day, what REALLY gets me frustrated, is that it's not that I don't want to lose weight. I do. I wish it was that easy and that I could be perfect and I would eat exactly 1200 calories a day of perfect Paleo eating and never feel hunger, never feel tired, never want to stray off my perfect diet and that I could lose 1 perfect pound every day until I reach my goal weight.

But my life isn't perfect, I'm not perfect, and right now my school and work seem more important than losing weight.

Tell me that my blood pressure is higher, or that my cholesterol is through the roof or that I'm about to die from a heart attack and we can talk about putting my school and work in the back burner.

But I have spent 3.5 years on my diet and exercise and RIGHT NOW, I just need to finish my school.
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