Trigger - ex boyfriend has a new girlfriend - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

Palestrina · 01-03-2013, 07:54 AM

This might be a little off topic but I've become really depressed after finding out (through facebook) that my ex boyfriend has a new girlfriend. It's kind of ridiculous because we haven't been together in a decade and I've been happily married for over 6yrs and have a beautiful baby. I have no idea why I've reacted to finding out about this, he's someone I loved very much but who wasn't very good to me or for me.

More importantly, ever since finding out I've been broody and bingeing. I can't seem to get myself out of a funk. Is this just an excuse to binge? I feel like an idiot.

WannaB2cute · 01-03-2013, 08:16 AM

Shake it off. Remember how happy you are now and stop focusing on the past. We tend to remember the good times with people even when the bad times well out weighted the good.
Take a look at your baby and hubby and think about why you started your weight loss journey.
YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

coffeeshopgirl · 01-03-2013, 12:49 PM

You may be looking for an excuse to binge. How has everything else been going for you lately? You said that you haven't been with him in over 10 yrs, and married for 6. So you seem pretty happy in your marriage. I'm wondering if there's other stress going on that was triggered by your ex-bf having a new gf?

Maybe take an emotional inventory and see what's going on. Let us know what's up, so we can help

Bellamack · 01-03-2013, 12:53 PM

I think it is human nature, esp. if you loved him very much, but the relationship was somewhat toxic... totally understand. You will shake it off in a few days and like the above poster said "look at that beautiful baby and good husband" Take a deep breath, forgive your binges and move forward. Good Luck

MissJeanLouise · 01-03-2013, 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wannabeskinny

More importantly, ever since finding out I've been broody and bingeing. I can't seem to get myself out of a funk. Is this just an excuse to binge? I feel like an idiot.

Calling yourself an idiot isn't going to help!

Would you call your best friend that?

It's hard to find out that someone you love has a new love interest. Even when it's been someone I ended things with, there's always a hint of 'what if things had been different...?" In your case, it might also be wondering why he is (ostensibly) treating someone else well when he treated you poorly. But don't fall into the trap of comparing their outsides to your inside. Maybe they're happy; maybe they're not.

In the meantime, you not only have a good life, but you're working hard to make it better. Living well is the best revenge, no? You deserved better than him then, and you deserve to keep reaping the rewards of your hard work.

I'd also suggest not looking up former flames on Facebook...but I've been known to do it a time or ten myself.

Radiojane · 01-03-2013, 03:32 PM

Totally get this. I have an ex, I still see him occasionally, and although it's been years and I'm very happy where I am, when he has a new flame or even just goes on a vacation to a place I've been with him... It hurts a little. I loved him very much, I never really stopped. We just didn't fit together.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that part of why it may be triggering a binge is because you see it unconsciously as something you failed at. You didn't fail. It wasn't meant to be. Your husband and child were. Look at your successes.

Palestrina · 01-03-2013, 03:40 PM

Thanks for the support, I know it's only normal to wonder "what if" sometimes but I truly don't want to know what would have happened if if if things had worked out so it's weird for that question to pop up.

You're right coffeeshop, other stuff is up. Of course I'm not feeling too pretty lately and I think it has more to do with that than anything else. I'm being reclusive and not enjoying getting dressed up and hubby and I love each other very much but we're settled into a routine now which is not so exciting kwim? Anyway, the root of all my problems is and always has been bingeing so I need to work on that.

freelancemomma · 01-03-2013, 10:19 PM

I agree with the advice not to look up old flames on Facebook. In a similar vein, I used to participate in an online discussion group in which one member was very cruel to me. The topic was of interest to me, so I kept coming back, even though being verbally abused by this member was really weighing me down. About a year ago I finally made the decision to permanently remove myself from the group and haven't looked back. Sometimes we need to stay away from certain people or places to safeguard our emotional health.

F.

MarjorieMargarine · 01-03-2013, 10:49 PM

I agree that you should move past it...but sometimes that's easier said than done! If you can't stop focusing on it for now, maybe use it as motivation. Think about how you would feel if you ran into him (or worse- both of them). Wouldn't you rather think about what it would feel like if you were fit, way hotter than her, sporting a beautiful baby and a winning, glowing smile? I'd hold fast to that image and work toward being the most attractive, happy, threatening one-who-got-away as I possibly could- whether or not I ever ran into him again. And try to remember that living well is the best revenge!

Palestrina · 01-04-2013, 07:52 AM

Haha, thanks everyone. I feel much better and clear headed today. Sometimes you can't avoid a little self-wallowing in pity once in a while. I truly wish him the best, I'm quite happy in my life and would wish him the same happiness. His new girlfriend isn't very pretty unfortunately..... but she is skinny.

Palestrina · 01-04-2013, 07:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by freelancemomma

I agree with the advice not to look up old flames on Facebook. In a similar vein, I used to participate in an online discussion group in which one member was very cruel to me. The topic was of interest to me, so I kept coming back, even though being verbally abused by this member was really weighing me down. About a year ago I finally made the decision to permanently remove myself from the group and haven't looked back. Sometimes we need to stay away from certain people or places to safeguard our emotional health.

F.

That happened to me on a cooking forum. It was more toxic than I realized and once I left that community I was much happier.

coffeeshopgirl · 01-05-2013, 11:30 PM

Glad to hear you're feeling better wannabeskinny!

It's ridiculous how nasty and negative some (many) people can be. It makes me happy that everyone here at 3FC are positive and encouraging, especially when I need it most.

betsy2013 · 01-06-2013, 10:11 AM

Totally understand and am glad that you're doing better. My ex passed away, and even though we'd been divorced for 13 years at that point, I had several cries that were basically sob sessions that went on for three days. Considering that I was the one who ended the marriage, it took a while to figure it out. Crying for what might have been, not what was.

Keep moving forward, and I'm glad you have so many positive things in your life.