[penmage]

Recently I was diagnosed with both a thyroid condition and insulin resistance. It is important to note for this post that my mother is a nurse, and has been since I was a child (I'm 24).

After the diagnosis Mom immediately went to the bookstore and bought books on Insulin Resistance, diabetes, and "If you eat anything other than lettuce and apples you will be 900 pounds and DIE!" type books.

She knows that, even prior to the diagnosis, I was limiting carbs from bread products because they give me stomach issues. My brother made spaghetti today for dinner (regular white spaghetti noodles) and I went to Panera instead. I'm struggling with no bread this week- bread is a comfort food for me- so I got it in a bread bowl. Brought it home, and was all set to take it upstairs and enjoy my tasty soup.

Cue Mom. She sees the bag and follows me into my room. I say "Yes I know I shouldn't be eating this", and.... start fixing it. Mom turns into Nurse Hulk and starts saying stuff like "I don't think you understand how serious this is." (I'm not sure how the bread I had was more evil than the spaghetti that was for dinner, but whatever.)

Yeah mom, I get it. I'm not stupid. I know I'm overweight- that's why I've been trying to LOSE weight, and have lost 21 pounds. I'm also not diabetic. Yes I know being insulin resistant, I could end up there in the future. My entire future is not going to be determined by my dinner on Oct 18, 2012.

At that point I'm aggravated and start putting the bread bowl and soup container back in the bag. Mom gets all huffy and pissy and said "You're not going to eat that because you're mad, aren't you." (They've known this about me for years. The minute either one of my parents comments negatively about something I'm eating, like "chips, really?" I put it back and don't eat it because it makes me irritated.) "You can't rely on me. It has to come from you. You have to want to do it."- Mom is the worst motivational speaker ever. Even her motivation sounds condescending- "If you'd just get off your *** and eat lettuce you'd be fiiiiine! Lazy slob."

So she left, I locked my bedroom door, and I proceeded to stuff myself with a soup/baguette/bread bowl that I didn't even want anymore. I ate til I was full, and then I kept eating. And kept eating. And now I'm a little bit nauseous.

I know it was kind of immature to stuff myself out of defiance, but it was better than saying what I was thinking- "Well I hope you have a good life insurance policy out on me so you can cash in and get those farm animals you wanted when your stupid fat lazy daughter dies from the diabetes in this bowl."

If I'm not supposed to eat pasta, why was there pasta for dinner? If I'm not supposed to eat white rice, why was most of dinner last night rice? If cutting out bread and sweets and fats and animal products and sugar is so important because WE ARE GOING TO DIEEEE OTHERWISE, why isn't she making meals that... fit those requirements?

I don't really know if I want advice or hugs or smacks on the head. I just needed to write it out and hope somebody out there understands. Although I'd greatly prefer the hugs.

[ChickieChicks]

You are peeved and frustrated! It happens to allow us, and those two diagnoses are a major bummer. Lifelong bummer. I, too, have insulin resistant PCOS. It sucks! Your mom should try to find better ways of communicating, too.

That being said, here comes the tough love. you are 24. Well into adulthood. Whoever is making dinner is not responsible for making food that is conducive to your needs. If you were 6 and had no other options, then yes, your family should be taking care of your special dietary needs. Don't let anyone take your power of choice away from you. YOU CHOOSE WHAT TO EAT AND HOW MUCH. And you are going to have to make harder choices with the thyroid and insulin issues.

THAT SUCKS. I really, really get it. Why do you have to be more responsible and deal with this crap? You didn't ask for this! But here you are, and this is your body, wonky as it may seem. There are a lot of great threads on here for advice about diets friendly to both PCOS and thyroid issues. Hopefully they can offer some good food ideas!

As biotchy as your mom was (and maybe is...) it is time to make your own decisions, especially about your health!

[KarenMI]

First, here are some (((hugs))) for you. Change is always hardest at first, and the emotional drama sure doesn't help. Neither does punishing yourself for your Mom's behavior, but you know that. She must be very concerned, but like you said, isn't the best motivational speaker.

You shouldn't really have to be the most grown-up one here, but can you just tell your mom you want to change what you eat, but you're struggling with it at the moment, and when you come home to a pasta dinner, you're not sure what you're supposed to do. Maybe try to get some dialogue going and some honest (but not mean/angry) feelings out there?

[Spiritix]

I kinda understand where you're coming from. My mom's been on a diet for years, having lost and regained weight, and now me and my brother are trying to watch our weight too. But, she does these things called Shops where she basically gets payed for going to stores or resturaunts and makes sure they're up to standard. So, that means we go out to eat fairly often... at least once a week. And that's kind of annoying, even though she says she's trying to help us watch it.
It is nice that your mom tries a lot harder to look out for you, I almost wish my mom was like that, but I'm sure it gets annoying. You are an adult, after all, whom can make her own decisions. They may not be the best, but we're not perfect.

[novangel]

Don't fret over the bread bowl.

Living with a nurse for a Mother would drive me insane, my Mom was a Psychologist so can you imagine the over-analyzing I endured? I know your post was not meant to be funny but your sarcasm cracked me up..

Just know that your Mom means well but she could be a little more effective on making her point with less dramatics. Being rude certainly won't make you want to run to the salad bar. Maybe have a heart to heart with her depending on if she's a receptive person or not..if not, forget it. Come here and talk with us.

I don't know much about insulin resistance but I do know that thyroid conditions are very treatable. I'm positive you will live and not wind up 900 pounds. Maybe see a nutritionist??

Good luck.

[Brandis]

Could you offer to cook one night and make something you all should be eating instead of a high glycemic meal? Or is there nothing in the house within the needs of your diet? Maybe you could work with your mother to write down a week's worth of meals and shop together for the ingredients? I know she doesn't get it. But if you guys communicated more openly, and maybe tell her you need her to help you, this might get easier. I am offering you the hugs you requested, and i hope this gets easier for you. I don't have PCOS, but I have family that does, and I know it sucks.

[linJber]

Here are more hugs (((H))) coming your way, but I'm also going to follow the "tough love" angle. You got in your car and drove to get food. You could have just as easily gone to the grocery store to get lettuce and veggies for a chef salad to beat all chef salads. YOU chose to get a meal you knew would anger your mom and that wan't part of your healthy eating plan.

Now - the solution, as I see it from the outside - and which may not work in your household - is to calmly sit with your mom and decide on menus that are healthy for everyone. When pasta is the main meal, be sure there are TONS of veggies in the sauce and as a side. Load up on them and eat a small portion of pasta. I feel your pain when it comes to bread - I can eat a whole loaf in a day by myself. But I don't anymore. I just can't or it will be a problem.

It would be wonderful to have the help and support of your family, but you're an adult. You can chose for yourself. I don't know if you're a student or if you're working. Or how dependent you are on your parents. but the fact that you went out and got food from Panera suggests you are somewhat independent. Exert your independence in positive ways and see if your parents are more accepting. Good luck.

Lin

[HungryHungryHippo]

Oh, Penmage! Your mom sounds just like my family! I hate when people meddle in my food! Especially when you're doing well--you've lost 21 pounds! Um...you won't live at home forever?

[Arctic Mama]

With your issues, I really have to highly recommend a controlled carbohydrate approach - they will not only not exacerbate your existing conditions, but may reverse many of the symptoms. Dr. Bernstein and Dr. Atkins (the 2002 and earlier material is much better for his work) would both provide excellent dietary approaches for what you've listed.

Beyond that, I agree with ChickieChicks completely. At your age, you need to be taking responsibility for your own choices, even if it means saying no to your mother and cooking your own meals. You control your mouth and what goes in it, as much as your response to her. For YOUR sake make better choices regarding food, and try to glean wisdom from what she says and ignore what bugs you. She's not wrong, but she'll probably continue policing you as long as you live with her and aren't exerting proactive control in the situation.

A mellow, sit-down discussion about your health and ownership of it may be in order. She might not know that she's doing more harm than good in her approach, and the fairest way to manage that is to TELL her. Then the ball is in her court and her response can help inform your next course of action.

But with the health issues you listed I have to advocate for a cessation of the bread and sugar as well. It will make you feel sick, at best, and cause real damage to your body beyond what has already been incurred, at worst. Thyroid imbalances are manageable with medication and diet/exercise choices. Blood sugar issues can be controlled and in some cases effectively CURED by dietary choices. If the cost of long term health is weaning off baguettes, isn't it worth it? You have to live in that body for many years to come, fixing these issues now can net you real quality of life down the road, instead of being sick.

And I know it is hard - I am dealing with some similar metabolic issues (to a lesser degree) and am only 26. I also loooove bread. But when the choice became being there for my husband and children or churros, it was a pretty simple decision. I like being able to get off the floor, sleep without breathing issues, and maintain circulation in all my digits more than I like icecream! But that doesn't mean the day to day struggles don't exist - they do - but the longer term perspective was what made the difference for me.

Add to that the fact that whole foods, low carb substitutes exist for almost all the treats I enjoy? The choice to lose weight and eat in a health promoting way was a no-brainer, in the end. And it IS a choice, one very much worth making, I'd say

Best of luck to you, Penmage.

[penmage]

Thanks for the advice/hugs/tough love everybody! You guys are awesome.

I talked to my mom and she agreed to back off some. We're very different- she's always loved vegetables, avoided most meat and bread, and snacks on fruit. So she doesn't really know how to get her "I'd be fine with bread and meat and cheese every day" daughter to be "Eggplant slices! Yay!" like she thinks I should be, lol.

I woke up this morning a little bit nauseous, either from the bread or the medication. I'm assuming the bread, since I've been on the medication about a week, and haven't had issues yet.

So now I have a vague idea of where I'm trying to head, I just need some "vegetables aren't slimy and mucousy if you cook them like this" recipes to get me there! Onwards to the recipe section!

Thank you again for the support and advice! <3