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Old 10-08-2012, 12:00 PM   #11
GyMila
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 23

S/C/G: 165/150/130

Height: 5'4

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Hey there!
For me high school felt like that, I felt like I was going to be bullied for some reason (I never did), and just felt very uneasy with myself, my body, my life. I was not particularly big back then, by the way, just uncomfy in my body, my hair was not shiny, my breasts were too large, I had no fashion sense to speak off (still don't!). I was a hot mess and if I didn't like myself very much, how would others?

When i started college it was like a magical door opening itself up and suddenly there were all these people, all looking for new friends and most of them not-judgemental at all. I finished my undergrad 6 year ago now and my best friends are still mostly people I met in my freshman year!
But you need to be able to put yourself out there and talk to them, and I can totally see how being shy or feeling particularly bad about yourself would totally be in the way.

A few things:
1) your body does not define you. You are you at 500 pounds and at 110, and people will see that, if you let them in. You are honest (from your post), you are very cute (from your avatar), you are able to express yourself nicely... none of that has anything to do with your weight. I totally understand by the way, I also find it hard to feel confident with myself when I am at my highest weight, I feel like people look at me and think "there goes fatty", but I don't think that when I meet new people... so why would they? My best friend is pretty big but I love her because she is fun and loyal and hilarious and kind. Her size does not have anything to do with our friendship.

2) I totally second trying out clubs and societies. In my first year I joined everything and it was a hoot. I joined a lot of things I had never done before, and to be honest, I was no good at them (I joined climbing and belly dancing for example) but I met a ton of people who were also trying it for the first time and we had good laughs over how rubbish we were. And then I joined a few that were things I felt confident in (like choir, because I had done that before, and volunteering, because again I had some experience in it). Some of my closest friends today are from those clubs (very few are from my actual classes, heh). And a few were not for me, i went to debate club only to realise that English not being my first language, it was near impossible for me to participate and I joined the gospel choir and found the praying to jesus was not something i felt comfortable with, since I do not believe in him. So I stopped going and nobody judged me for that either. Uni is a time of trying out stuff, and trying out means finding things you love and finding stuff you hate.

3) I don't like going to the gym by myself either, and the first day i went back to gymnastics, after having stopped for several years and gaining a lot of weight I was mortified. I thought everyone will think "how is she planning on tumbling, that little elephant". But I don't think anybody thought that. And I am not the only one who is not in top form there. And I have fun, when i have fun, I forget about my size and I stop comparing myself to others. And I gain confidence when I am there, because yeah, I am not 100 pounds like some of them, but i freaking landed that jump, you know what I mean?
Nobody will judge you at the gym, and if you enjoyed running, go back to it. My best friend plays netball with me, she runs 10 k runs, **** I have even coached her in some beginners gymnastics. Yeah she is big but it doesn't keep her from doing things and I really love that in her.

4) You won't be superskinny by tomorrow, so I say have fun now, knowing that you are on your way to a healthier and more comfortable weight. Love yourself today, because you are awesome today, and in a few months, you will be just as awesome, but less heavy!

So, my advice is, sign up for some clubs, something you already know and like and maybe something new you always wanted to try, look in the mirror and find something you love (your hair? Your eyes?) and go into the world with your head up high. Most of those other freshman are also trying to make new friends, so maybe find someone else who looks the way you are feeling and talk to that person! You might find a great friend!
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