Hi everyone.. I thought I would share a little of my story, warning, this could be long
My name is Amanda, I am 32 years old and am married to my high school sweetheart. We have 3 beautiful children, Christian 12, Haleigh 11, and Noah 10 months. I am embarrassed to tell you all that I am currently at my highest weight ever and have only 1 or 2 articles of clothing that still fit me. I am even more embarrassed to tell you that I lost over 50lbs in 2006 and have gained it all back plus about 30 more over the last few years. I know exactly why I am fat, and yet I feel powerless to do anything about it, most days.
Last April, my oldest son was diagnosed with pulmonary hypertension, and i have stuffed all of my fears and anxiety about his condition with food. Since I was pregnant at the time, it was easy to write off the initial weight gain as pregnancy weight, but when I kept gaining after I gave birth, I knew I couldnt deny that my "coping" mechanism was/is at fault. Some days I just want to sit and cry and hide from the world while I feel sorry for myself and for my son. I know there are children MUCH worse off than my son is, and I am so grateful that Christian is not as symptomatic as he could or even should be, but for us since he didn't have any of the symptoms, we felt as if we walked into UVA with a healthy 11 year old, and left with a fragile, seriously ill child. Pulmonary hypertension is progressive, it will get worse, and we have been told that it is probable that we will live to see our son die from this disease. Over a year later, we are still in a state of shock.. I was sad, angry, scared.. and I stuffed all of these feelings with food so that I could go on with our lives while trying to adjust to our new "normal" which includes several medications, oxygen, and restrictions on Christians physical activity.
I have slowly come to terms with this hand we have been dealt, but the evidence of my denial stares back at me in the mirror and mocks me when I am getting dressed. My knees scream under the stress of this added weight, and my lungs burn when I walk up stairs to bed, and I have heart palpitations pretty regularly. I feel horrible and I feel OLD for my age. I am ready to make a positive change in my life. I HAVE to lose weight and get healthier. I need to be here for my kids, and at the rate I am going right now, I will be either dead, or very sick within 10 years. This is not an option. I have to be here to take care of my kids, and I want to be able to keep up with the baby. I don't want to be the fat mom, and I want to be the hot wifey again, and I don't want to end up with high blood pressure or diabetes like my dad.
Currently I weigh 260 pounds.. Currently my goal is to get below 200, and will go from there. When I lost weight before I got down to 180 and was pretty happy with that. My plan is to cut out soda, and keep my calories between 1400-1700 per day. I will exercise a minimum of 30minutes 5x per week. Exercise will be the easiest part of this for me because I actually enjoy working out, but I havent exercised any since I found out I was pregnant in Nov 2010.
If you were patient enough to read through all of this I appreciate it very much
I look forward to getting to know everyone.
Hi everyone
AMANDA ~ We sure can relate to a lot of what you have shared. We have a "Regainers Relosing Thread" in this forum that you may want to check out for support and encouragement. Sending up some ^prayers^ for CHRISTIAN for his health issues too. 
