HS sports: How much say do parents have in your school?
In this town of 1500 people, our school is pretty flipping fantastic. So amazing, that I moved here because of the school district.
However, where I'm from, population 300,000+ and a major city nearby, the social politics were much different.
Back home, we, as parents, were told the school/athletic "law" and we didn't deviate from it. The attitude was, "don't be a squeeky wheel, either go with the program or step up and be the coach". Most didn't have time to coach so we always respected the coach.
Here, it is SO different! Long lineages of family ties to coaching, sports and the politics that go with it, as well as literal ties to actual politics governing our town and state!
So a few parents have a bug in their butt about the hockey coach. They got him fired.
There is no info being passed between outsiders like me. We are all in the dark. All I know is that NO crime was committed and it was completely confirmed that the mad parents are upset their daughter didn't get nominated for an award - an award that went to someone more deserving, IMO.
How does this happen??
Does your town allow parents to influence the school board this way?
No. I am originally from the neighboring town (approx 90,000 people and growing!) of where I live now (approx 75,000). Too many people to start bending rules. (I'm sure it has happened, but not the way it seems to have happened in your town.) I wouldn't be able to live in a town that small. I have a big mouth and I use it when I think someone's wrong. If I were you, I'd be speaking up over this issue, but then again I am not bothered by people not liking me because of my opinion. On the other hand, if you would prefer a more peaceful life for yourself in your town, there's not much to do but let it go.
Glamour,
I'm like you. I have an opinion and if I think I'm correct, I will respectfully state that opinion.
I did.
I simply stated that my freshaman daughter had a fantastic year playing varisty hockey and that unless there was something illegal that happened, I saw no reason for the coach to not finish out his career coaching his (soon to be) senior daughter next year.
The silence was deafening.
What's worse is this: A politically connected woman told umpteen people that my family would pull our kids out of the district if we didn't get our way.
We in no way are pulling our kids out of school for this stupid thing.
We would never.
This is problematic for more than the obious reason. I work within the school district and very closely with those making decisions. While I was able to clear the air politically, I wonder wth is going on socially.
The woman also works at the school. I have not made contact with her about this (too below my standards to do so) and have not seen her face to face yet.
I just can't imagine what is driving this push to get rid of a successful coach!!
I can't even fathom why a rather quiet support vote for the coach went viral with consequences.
I guess, for grins, let's put out there another question:
What would you say to the woman who started an untrue rumor about you that could have consequences beyond the situation at hand?
Also, note that hind sight being 20-20, as far as I know, saying nothing made the rumor go away. Personally, professionally, all is well.
Last edited by fitness4life; 04-30-2012 at 01:41 PM.
Sounds like a real pain in the *** situation. Please keep in mind while reading my opinion, that I am not being funny when I say that my social judgment is a little off center. I'm the kind of person that will blaze a flaming trail of "go [bleep] yourself" when I see injustice happening to me or anyone else. I've gone head to head with management advocating for patients, and I'll never be the nurse that gets promoted to supervisor because I ruffle feathers and don't do politics; but I'll always be the nurse that stands up for my patients and does what needs to be done to give them the care they deserve. Having said that, I have made the desicion in my career that I can live with never being well liked, and always having to be extra careful to cross my "t's" and dot my "i's" because my supervisors would love to let me go. And crumby coworkers? I handle them with more tact, but I handle them none the less. (Why handle coworkers with more tact? Because to me they are in the trenches doing the hands on work, and deserve some understanding for that. Management hasn't touched a real patient in who knows how long, and they wouldn't know patient care if it bit them in the ***)
If I were you, I'd confront that women, and depending on how "dirty" I suspected her to be, I'd hide a digital recorder on myself first....yeah, I told you I was a little off center. Because if she is the kind to either lie to you, or say something and later deny it, you'd want that on tape. If you are 100% sure that it was her that started the rumor (and I mean SURE) I'd confront here in private, off work time if possible, like when the day is over or something. I'd say "I know you started this rumor. Explain."...If you are almost sure it was her, then I would say "I have good reason to believe you started this rumor. Explain." Usually I just give one statement, then tell or ask them to explain. I like to hear their whole story before I say anything more, and it doesn't give them time to think up a lie while I ramble on. So if you do confront her, do not launch into some long story/explaination. Plus, it gives that person a chance to explain their position, and just incase you are wrong, you will hear it from them before saying something.
AlsoI would go to someone , and official maybe, and privately ask why he was dismissed. Is there any chance that he got caught doing something inappropriate and they are trying to make it go away by not talking about what happened? I dont care where this town is, if this guy was wrongly fired there's always a lawyer somewhere that would be happy to take his case, meaning, the fact that the coach doesn't seem concerned (from what I understand) makes me think that he's ok with having been fired....which is why I ask could there be something even bigger here than you are thinking?
I would definitely confront anyone I needed to over this, but like I said, that doesn't mean that's the best choice. I can logically say that doing nothing might ne better for one's reputation, but I've just always been one of those people that can't fight the need to say what needs to be said. I'd piss off a whole town of people to do what I think is right.
I've lived in big cities and tiny towns and by far see this a lot more in smaller towns - especially where SPORTS IS EVERYTHING.
Given that, it's totally against my nature to say or do this, but I wouldn't say anything to the lady nor would I bring up the coach issue. I'd just eat it and move on. Yes, you may gain some sort of victory for you if you pursue it and it might make you feel better, but I guarantee, being the squeaky wheel in a place like that will just make it worse for your kids. The last thing you want to see is your kid kicked off the team or not playing for something the parent said.
It's a shame really. Besides, just keeping your kids there already proves that person wrong, which maybe people will see.
.
TBH, this isn't limited to small towns. I went to private schools growing up and while I lived in a large town, the private schools had that small town mentality.
My elementary school (which has now since closed) fired the principal because a lot of parents complained and threatened to take out their children. A teacher was demoted to part time because of parental pressure.
It's over. Not my nature to not say anything but saying nothing and NOT taking my kids out just says it all.
Here's another twist to the story. I work for a non profit. I dry-land coached the upcoming freshman by the request of the coach (not the fired coach - the youth coach). All was fantastic with that. The youth coach is the husband of carppy woman-rumor-starter.
I am heading our biggest fund raiser. I had to ask youth coach for donation.
He's hemming and hawing. Like, really??? I put in 15 hours of volunteer coaching and you gotta think twice about donating to the organization that supplied all dry land coaching materials??
If he says no, I wonder if it would be wise (more like wise-arse) to say to him, "You know...a donation can make the false rumor starting thing your wife did go away...a non-donation can make it blow up in your face."
But then again, I won't do that. It sounds like extorsion.
Then again (again), isn't that what she tried to do in the first place?
I'm trying to decide what is the higher road.
I'm thinking let it all go. However, I could get $1000 for my non profit with a little pressure.
I'm going to follow up with the youth coach for the donation. If he decides not to donate, that's on his conscience and taking the high road will be on mine.
I'm fine with the high road.
At the end of the day, and at the end of my life (hopefully years and years from now) I think that righteous decisions like this will be something my kids and loved ones can be proud of.
It's just so sad that I'm even tempted. I guess it's kinda fun to at least verbalize frustrations on line here.
I grew up in a small town n(briefly moved back but couldn't deal) and in many ways, it's like some people (not all!) never really GROW UP. They still treat everything like high school and don't really think through the consequences of their rumors and bullying. The same people who were jerks in high school will grown up to be jerks in authority because they never leave the small town and face any life outside the bubble.
Let it go. If anyone mentions it to you, just play stupid: oh gosh no, we love it. We would never pull our kids out. Wonder how anyone got that idea.
If it comes up with the original rumor starter, put on your biggest wide eyed smile and say the same: oh gosh no, we would never pull our kids out. Wherever would anyone GET such an idea!
Also, everyone knows who the pot stirrers are and no one really believes them...though they might go along to avoid being in the line of fire themselves.
It is sad that people can lose jobs over this nonsense but that is one of the hazards of small town life. At least no one is going to jail. I would never in a million years want my husband (who did not grow up in the same kind of small town hot house environment with generations of feuds and complex allegiances) to coach a girls' sport. All it takes is one thwarted kid who has had her way all her life or one angry mama who thinks Princess should always be on the starting team and some poor guy's life is ruined (I've seen it happen).
The best think you can do in a small town is be involved in a distant way, if that makes sense. Stay involved enough to know what's going on with your kids but stay out of the muck raking.
I know I make it sound horrible and MANY things about small towns are wonderful, as long as you have the right connections.
I'm going to follow up with the youth coach for the donation. If he decides not to donate, that's on his conscience and taking the high road will be on mine.
I'm fine with the high road.
At the end of the day, and at the end of my life (hopefully years and years from now) I think that righteous decisions like this will be something my kids and loved ones can be proud of.
It's just so sad that I'm even tempted. I guess it's kinda fun to at least verbalize frustrations on line here.
I grew up in a small town n(briefly moved back but couldn't deal) and in many ways, it's like some people (not all!) never really GROW UP. They still treat everything like high school and don't really think through the consequences of their rumors and bullying. The same people who were jerks in high school will grown up to be jerks in authority because they never leave the small town and face any life outside the bubble.
Let it go. If anyone mentions it to you, just play stupid: oh gosh no, we love it. We would never pull our kids out. Wonder how anyone got that idea.
If it comes up with the original rumor starter, put on your biggest wide eyed smile and say the same: oh gosh no, we would never pull our kids out. Wherever would anyone GET such an idea!
Also, everyone knows who the pot stirrers are and no one really believes them...though they might go along to avoid being in the line of fire themselves.
It is sad that people can lose jobs over this nonsense but that is one of the hazards of small town life. At least no one is going to jail. I would never in a million years want my husband (who did not grow up in the same kind of small town hot house environment with generations of feuds and complex allegiances) to coach a girls' sport. All it takes is one thwarted kid who has had her way all her life or one angry mama who thinks Princess should always be on the starting team and some poor guy's life is ruined (I've seen it happen).
The best think you can do in a small town is be involved in a distant way, if that makes sense. Stay involved enough to know what's going on with your kids but stay out of the muck raking.
I know I make it sound horrible and MANY things about small towns are wonderful, as long as you have the right connections.
Agreed. What's SO sad is (not to toot my own horn - but I will) is that I am so over qualified to train and coach and as an outsider, I'm not shunned, but, well, it has been very discouraging when I attempt to get involved. I'm like, "Don't you people see that my experience can HELP your kid??? I'm here for the greater good and you gotta mess with me?!?! REALLY?"
They're missing out on fantastic opportunity. I'll still keep offering my expertice, though, but it's hard not to tell them to shove it up their arse.
I'm in a new slightly-larger but still pretty small town. The schools are all neighborhood schools so when it comes to school stuff, it's very small town. I have been throwing myself against the PTA wall all year, trying to get involved and it's not that people are actively rude to me, but the same people have been in charge of the same things for years and there's just no space for a new person. I speak and it's as if an exotic plant has suddenly gained the power of speech. Everyone listens politely, slightly puzzled at this rare thing called "an accent from somewhere else" and then they all go right back to whatever they were doing.
I'm in a new slightly-larger but still pretty small town. The schools are all neighborhood schools so when it comes to school stuff, it's very small town. I have been throwing myself against the PTA wall all year, trying to get involved and it's not that people are actively rude to me, but the same people have been in charge of the same things for years and there's just no space for a new person. I speak and it's as if an exotic plant has suddenly gained the power of speech. Everyone listens politely, slightly puzzled at this rare thing called "an accent from somewhere else" and then they all go right back to whatever they were doing.
LOL. EXACTLY.
Give it some time, though. When I first got here, I thought I had it all in the bag with answers that in hind site, weren't right for this region.
For instance, my old school used to have a black tie gala every other year. That would NOT fly here AT ALL.
So I suggested a barn dance or something fun and they seemed insulted.
I'm like, WTH, I went to barn dances all through college days! We all attended wether we were from the city or literally from the barn! Why is this insulting?
Oh yeah, because I'm the rare exotic plant that just started talking.
They just gotta get to know ya and your intentions. Once you're proven good, they'll use ya.
Interesting post note: in the local paper yesterday is a story about the coach "stepping down and not renewing his contract". It is all politically correct bullsh*t.
If it's this easy for those in power to pull the wool over everyone's eyes, I don't even wanna know what really happens in Washington.
HS sports: How much say do parents have in your school?
