[clarabr]

I don't know what to do. As you may have read in one of my whiny posts, I've been in my healthy weight range for 16 years, but I haven't been at goal for 11. I gained 12-13 lbs all those years ago and have never managed to lose them. I follow this pattern where I lose some, usually 7 or 8, and then when I'm getting close I get diet burnout and convince myself I look ok and why bother and I just don't have the same motivation/determination to skip the peanut butter (heck, why did we have to import that from you guys?? I was so happy without it!), the chocolate in my milk, the square of chocolate after lunch, and tell myself I'm gonna "maintain". After 3 or 4 months I'm back where I started. THEN I maintain. It's funny (actually, it's good), but I never allow myself to go ABOVE healthy range. It's like I let myself go to the limit, but when I realize I'm actually going to be officially overweight again if I don't stop overeating, then I do something. And stop gaining. Questions: why can't I at least maintain what I've lost BEFORE regaining those 7-8? And more importantly, why can't I LOSE THE REST??? It's so frustrating! I know part of the problem is that I lose super slowly and get discouraged, but while I'm losing I feel so good! I've been at it this time for 3 months now and I haven't been too hungry, I haven't felt overly deprived, I'm fine. Then one day I wake up and that's it, I just wanna eat whatever I want and not in moderation, and, and... I just don't get it.

I'm sorry this is so rambly and I know whoever has the answer to this problem will get rich, but I thought it wouldn't hurt to ask the pros before it's too late this time.

I feel like such an impostor for posting here

[bargoo]

clarabr, your question is the exact reason this thread was started. Dieting and maintaining is a challenge. I struggle with it and want to know the answer, too. When I figure it out I will write the book, get rich and go on DR. Oz and tell the world about it.

[clarabr]

But bargoo, you're at goal, right? Haven't you just got there after relosing some? My question is simple: why can't I do the same?

ETA: And another thing: why is it that in those first 5 years I was able to catch a relapse in the first 2-3 pounds and now I have to gain 10 before I do something? Sigh.

[bargoo]

clarabr, this morning I am a little bit above goal, I want to get back to my ticker weight . I know I can do it, I've done it beore....it is staying there that is the problem.
I haven't changed my ticker because I want to be reminded of what I can do.

[alinnell]

It's frustrating and we all deal with the same thing from time to time.

I'm currently re-losing weight that I've lost time and time again and I'm having a rough time getting back to goal. It's slow going, but I'm getting there. Hang in there, you'll get back eventually.

[krampus]

I'm there too - I bounce between 129-134, feel good at anything under 130, but can never get under 129. I was 124-125 at one point and felt GREAT at that weight. It's just a couple kg but it feels like an impossible mission to achieve.

[singing]

I'm there too clarabr.I've been maintaining since Dec 2011 but slowly and surely,the weight is creeping up.Being a Lifetime member with Weight Watchers does give me that deadline I have to meet (weighing 2lbs within my goal weight every month).So why is this happening? I really don't know,sorry.Human nature maybe? As to how,I know that part,in my case.An extra glass of wine or two,an extra chocolate or two, an extra slice of bread or two, an extra measure of olive oil in the vinaigrette,just because..the list goes on.
The good news? You and I,and countless others, are on 3fc to share our stories an find a renewal of strength to keep on track.So let's keep our chin up and do what we know is right for us.

[lin43]

I think this happens to many people. Deep down, you know you look pretty good at your current weight. In fact, I'll venture to say that you are probably the only person who knows the difference between how you look at your current weight and how you would look at your ideal weight. Thus, the sacrifices you must make to get to your ideal weight are just not really worth it to you, deep down. Besides, who doesn't like peanut butter and who wouldn't want to eat a bit of chocolate each day? To me, that's part of life's enjoyment.

I think there is a weight that is healthy for us to maintain (and I'm not talking about a doctor-approved weight or the BMI chart weight). Sometimes, that weight is higher than our ideal weight. Even if our ideal weight is just a few pounds below the "healthy" weight, we might have to struggle and put so much effort into it because it's not really where our bodies want to be.

I've been thinking about this lately as it concerns my own weight. When I was losing, my goal weight was 145, which is admittedly high for someone who is 5 ft 3. But I didn't want to make all the sacrifices that I imagined would be required for a lower weight. I didn't even weigh myself the entire time I was losing (not even a starting weight). It seemed effortless because my focus was on habits rather than the scale. However, when I finally did weigh myself, I was below my goal weight (140). Then, in the process of trying to figure out my maintenance calories, I dropped five more pounds. Now, I weigh myself twice a month to ensure that I don't gain. But now it feels like a "diet," like more of a struggle than it did when I was losing. Sometimes, I wish I had never stepped on the scale and would just be happy with the way I look and how my clothes fit.

[RedPanda]

Originally Posted by lin43

I think this happens to many people. Deep down, you know you look pretty good at your current weight. In fact, I'll venture to say that you are probably the only person who knows the difference between how you look at your current weight and how you would look at your ideal weight. Thus, the sacrifices you must make to get to your ideal weight are just not really worth it to you, deep down.

Lin - you always put things so well!

I agree that it's often a trade-off between settling at a realistic, maintainable weight and making extra sacrifices and/or effort to get below that "red line" - and other people may not even notice the difference.

[paperclippy]

I agree with Lin and Panda. If you can maintain the weight you are right now, and you are healthy at that weight, why is it so important to you to lose more? Why not just say that your current weight is your "goal" and leave it at that?

[clarabr]

Originally Posted by lin43

Deep down, you know you look pretty good at your current weight. In fact, I'll venture to say that you are probably the only person who knows the difference between how you look at your current weight and how you would look at your ideal weight. Thus, the sacrifices you must make to get to your ideal weight are just not really worth it to you, deep down. Besides, who doesn't like peanut butter and who wouldn't want to eat a bit of chocolate each day? To me, that's part of life's enjoyment.

You know, you have no idea how many times I've said those things to myself. And to my therapist! But since I was able to maintain 130-134 for 5 years, I find it unacceptable to weigh more than that. I know it sounds ridiculous when compared to people who need to lose 100+ pounds, but that's just the way I feel (Jessica, I guess that answers your question about why it's so important to me to lose a little more. Sigh. Sometimes it doesn't even make sense to me!)

Thanks everyone for your replies. I'm trying not to obsess over this too much today. I'll see how I feel in the near future.

Oh, and for the record, I do eat chocolate every day, even when I'm losing! I just eat more when I'm not.

[clarabr]

I just want to complete my thoughts from yesterday (I was in a hurry): I realize that maintenance is not static and that my weight will fluctuate. I just want to fluctuate 2-3 pounds, not 10-12! 10 pounds is not a fluctuation, it's a gain!

[bargoo]

Originally Posted by clarabr

I just want to complete my thoughts from yesterday (I was in a hurry): I realize that maintenance is not static and that my weight will fluctuate. I just want to fluctuate 2-3 pounds, not 10-12! 10 pounds is not a fluctuation, it's a gain!

It is a gain, right, but you can stop right here. 10-12 doesn't have to become 20-24. Keep going.
BTDT.

[Desiderata]

Originally Posted by clarabr

But since I was able to maintain 130-134 for 5 years, I find it unacceptable to weigh more than that.

It's very understandable to think this way, but how much time has passed since then? How has your body changed? Bodies change as we age - hormone levels shift, etc. Getting to that range now might require a very different level of intensity or restriction. Nothing is impossible, of course, but it does sound like your body 'likes' a slightly higher weight now. I commented because it sounds like perhaps self-compassionately re-evaluating your mental map might help you find more peace with where you are - or help you reframe/shift your goals just a bit, to a level that can be achieved without herculean efforts.

I hope that came out the right way... You sound incredibly self-aware already -- but I know for me, personally, objectively knowing these types of things doesn't lessen the struggle to fully internalize them. (Sorry to intrude on all you maintainers, I lurk here often. )

[freelancemomma]

Originally Posted by lin43

Deep down, you know you look pretty good at your current weight. In fact, I'll venture to say that you are probably the only person who knows the difference between how you look at your current weight and how you would look at your ideal weight. Thus, the sacrifices you must make to get to your ideal weight are just not really worth it to you, deep down.

This rings true.

F.