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Old 02-29-2012, 12:07 AM   #1
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: NoVA (Virginia)
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Default Question to mothers/parents of adult children - breaking silence about abuse as child

I'm feeling some strong emotions tonight after reading some painful emails from a few years ago (note: I advise all your ladies and gents on deleting old/painful emails and avoid triggers like the one I encountered tonight).

I'm not a mother. I'm very single (with no prospects), overweight, and in my mid 30s. My parents are good parents now that they are older/elderly and our relationship has gotten better now that I'm in my 30s. As a child, they gave me food, clothes, and thought they were protecting me by not allowing me to participate in sleepovers and participating in sports/activities as a child). They had their own issues and my dad, in particular, wasn't very attentive when I was growing up. I still love him to death though.

I don't want to pain my parents so I'm asking all your parents out there if I should finally tell my parents about their nephew sexually molesting me when he was living with us back in the early 80s. I was only 6 years old at the time and my cousin was 18 years old.

I feel like my weight gain, mild depression, constant restlessness about my life and my future, and my constant troubles with not finding a good man to settle down and have a family of my own with ALL stems from my childhood sexual abuse. I harbor anger, especially at my mother, for not protecting me as a little girl. I'm not a parent, but I would think a mother's instinct would kick in regarding her little girl crying and playing out sexual scenarios with her barbie dolls as major red flags.

On the flip side, my parents aren't too emotionally healthy either. My dad has always dealt with depression and anixety for most of his life (he is on medication to control it) and my mom is a codependent and turns a blind eye (in my opinion) to things because it's her self-defense mechanism kicking in. When it comes to 'fight or flight', she tends to do the latter.

The reason why I'm considering telling them NOW after all these years is because I feel like I need to give them a reason as to why their daughter is such a fat loser. I'm very sucessful in my professional life even though I don't care for the work that I do. Yet, my personal life is a hot mess. Even when I'm out on a date, I can't seem to losen up about a man. I believe this is due to the sexual abuse. In my early 20s, I had 2 relationships, but I would have to drink some alcohol in order to not flinch and/or jerk away when my boyfriend would touch me.

I just feel like if my parents finally saw a real/concrete reason why I am overweight and single, then perhaps they would say they are/were sorry for not being there for me as a child...and perhaps wouldn't would ask me if I've lost any weight and/or if I've been exercising every single time that they call me up.

The stink of it is...they reason I've kept quiet all these years is because they aren't emotionally strong enough to deal with the harsh reality. The parent is supposed to protect the child...not the other way around. I've been protecting them from having to deal with the guilt and anger of their daughter being sexually molested repeated under the roof of their own house by their nephew.

So I ask you parents...would you want to know from your adult child, after all these years have gone by since the sexual abuse last occured, that he/she was sexually abused. Please keep in mind that my parents aren't "strong minded" people.

Last edited by FreeBird3; 02-29-2012 at 12:10 AM.
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