I've lost control of EVERYTHING.
I don't know where my head went but I let things get me down and gained an "I don't even care" mentality which apparently isn't how I really feel because I feel so ashamed of myself.
Nothing I do makes me feel good about myself for very long these days.. I just keep getting bigger, less attractive, less happy, less healthy.. I don't know how to make myself as motivated again without hitting rock bottom first.. and if this isn't the bottom, I don't want to know what is.
I am ruining my life, my friendships, my everything.. I just want to get a grip again.. I avoided the scale for 3 weeks.. when I hop on it.. I am up 15lbs.. is that even possible? I replaced the batteries, reset it.. and still.. 15.. I guess i'm in denial.. But I CAN'T hit 220.. I hit 200 and said no to 210.. now I'm 214.. and if I get any higher I don't want to know that girl because she will not be good company.
I am a happy person, I can handle most things with some ease.. but this is tearing me apart... I feel like such a pathetic loser. I work in a damn donut shop.. I never do anything active anymore.. I despise the thing that I used to love.. and I question things with everyone and everything.. Ugh.. I want out of this miserable place. I need my confidence back.. or at least my happiness.. that would be nice.
The best thing you can do for yourself is get at the root of what you're feeling. First--It's ok to not care!!! But if you want to lose, I believe it starts on the inside. Think about what happened before you developed that I Don't Care attitude. Were you upset or stressed about something?
Thank you ladies I know when things started getting rough, I developed this appetite that doesn't quit.. I come from a long line of alcoholics and sometimes I feel like food is that for me.. nothing tastes good to me anymore.. it always seems like a disappointment so I have no idea why I'm still eating like its going out of style.. all I know is if I don't find some self control I'll be worse off than I was at the beginning. I know school and work adding to the stress of things ive built up in the last year are just hindering my ability to straighten things out faster.. but obviously I can't really quit those, I just have to learn to jungle those things and everything else in my life. I feel like I know the problem is there and I want ti fix it.. I just don't know how.
Maybe start with mindful eating. Choose foods you really like and slow down and enjoy it. Like you're trying wine. Give your body time to recognize that you're full and stop when you're full--you'll eat much less.
What are some of the habits you've fallen back into?
Fast food. I eat it like its going out of style, I am a vegetarian too so mornings are when I probably salavate the most.. because I'm a lacto-ovo vegetarian so I eat eggs and dairy to get the protien I don't get from meats. Most places don't have vegetarian friendly foods so I eat a lot of pizza, subway, fries, ect. I am in school full-time and work between 26-30 hrs a week at a Donut shop. Keeping my mind off food isn't always the easiest. On top of that, I'm hardly ever home so my healthy groceries spoil and I despise carrying lunches because they are a pain to carry around across campus, and I have nowhere to store then properly. I feel like if I start carrying a lunch and stop carrying my debit everywhere my bank and my health will thank me.. its just figuring out a way to di this without making it inconvienient with my current lifestyle.
Hmm... well these are habits you can definitely transform.
What about carrying water? It helps with cravings and shedding pounds. Get some of those Propel flavor packets to help stave off your cravings. They're not super flavorful but do the trick.
So maybe break down what you normally do for each meal and we can see how you can change those things.
Ugh, I totally understand where you're coming from. I've been there and actually am just recently trying to snap out of it. I had an I don't care attitude for a very long time and meanwhile my 20's disappeared and I'm now 36 and wonder what happened to my life. I think the fact that you're questioning the I don't care attitude does mean that you care about something. And that you're doing it younger than I did is a great thing.
I'd honestly recommend therapy if you can afford it. I avoided it for a very long time. And I started it about a month 1/2 ago and I think it's already starting to help. She's helped me to realize how much I put myself down and am really hard on myself. And until I can let that go and see the positive in the little victories with the things that I am doing then I probably can't let go of the weight. I say the things that you're saying. I also thought that I'm worthless and a waste of space. I'm extremely hard on myself and have never been a positive person. But the first step really is admitting there is a problem which is what you're doing.
And then, after that, you need to make the sacrifices to change your lifestyle. It's not going to work it's way into your daily life until you allow it to. I made the same type of excuses (except 15 years older), I didn't have enough time, I didn't want to carry a lunch bag, I only have fast food available to me....for the past few weeks I've spent half my Sunday shopping and preparing food for the week. It's seriously helped me out to get set up for the week, but it takes time and energy. And then I accepted the fact that I have to lug a lunch bag to work. And that I need to eat snacks during the day which for me means eating during meetings which I hate. Plus taking the time to go to therapy and the gym has been really tough. But it's these sacrifices that are showing some results for me.
Not really sure if I helped, but that's about all I have to offer. :-) Again, I think that you admitting that you don't care means that you care about something. Try not to be so hard on yourself. I'm sure there are 100 little things that are going on that you're doing well, but you're just too frustrated to see them. Sorry for the annoying pep talk (I hate it when people say this stuff to me). But I think once you start recognizing that, as I am starting to, then things will fall into place.
You actually helped a lot you seem like you have a very level head and will have no problem reaching your goals. I think I have a big problem dwelling on the past. In fact, j know I do. Since I have posted this, I've had a better frame of mind. I will accomplish Ny goals, I have to just keep telling myself that. all of you have helped a lot. You keep reminding me why I lost so much in the first place, he support I found here kept me going.
Definitely, working on forgiving yourself for whatever happened in the past and leave the past in the past. Only look back to make sure you're going in the right direction! Therapy helped me a ton to learn to love myself. I really didn't realize how hard I was being on myself and how that was affecting my mood. I used to be proud to be pessimistic and a "realist" until I realized how damaging it was. Now you can't convince me not to be positive, happy and excited about moving forward and making changes.
Start out taking it one day at a time. Try taking your lunch one day a week and even if you're doin fast food, choose the healthier options. Small things really really add up.
How do I get back on my feet?
I know when things started getting rough, I developed this appetite that doesn't quit.. I come from a long line of alcoholics and sometimes I feel like food is that for me.. nothing tastes good to me anymore.. it always seems like a disappointment so I have no idea why I'm still eating like its going out of style.. all I know is if I don't find some self control I'll be worse off than I was at the beginning. I know school and work adding to the stress of things ive built up in the last year are just hindering my ability to straighten things out faster.. but obviously I can't really quit those, I just have to learn to jungle those things and everything else in my life. I feel like I know the problem is there and I want ti fix it.. I just don't know how.
