Ok so I wasn't sure where to post this thread so I just decided why not here?
When I started dating my boyfriend I weighed around 170lbs. Not my lowest or healthiest, but not terrible either. Around 1 month ago I was weighed at my doctor's office to be 193 lbs. I know it's my own responsibility when it comes to eating, but does anyone else have problems with eating more when they have their boyfriend/girlfriend around?
On a related note: I've been a bad influence on him as well. He went up from 200 lbs to 250 lbs since dating me. I know he wants to be fit, but he ends up just asking me if we can go get ice cream or cookies on a regular basis. I don't want to be his mother and tell him no...but on the other hand the more I walk into places that specialize in candy and other unhealthy things the harder it is for me to resist them.
I'm not sure how to avoid the pitfalls of gaining weight while dating. And now how to keep from sliding off track when I'm around him. And lastly, how to motivate him to get on track also. I've gone down to around 184-185 again and I want to continue to lose, but I feel really frustrated because I know he wants to eat a lot more than I do, and he loves it when we're sharing food that we have exactly the same amount. He doesn't seem to understand that I CANT eat the same portions that he can. It's just frustrating.
It's not about being his mother. If you don't want to eat cookies and ice cream, there's nothing wrong with saying "No cookies for me today, but you have fun." Or better yet "I don't really want to go out for dessert, but would you be interested in a walk after dinner?" Sometimes you could substitute less-bad food-oriented options. Self-serve frozen yogurt works for me, because I can take just a couple of ounces with fruit or nut toppings. Or go out for a cup of tea/coffee, or a single really good chocolate.
When you've had enough of something, you can just say "Oh, I've had enough of that, feel free to finish it." Or eat more slowly. Taking smaller bites, skipping a bite here and there, taking extra time to wipe your fingers or your mouth - unless he's watching intently to see how much you eat, you should be able to discreetly eat less and still end up finishing at the same time.
I DEFINITELY know how you feel. I've been dating someone for 1-2 months and we're still in the "go out to eat every other day" phase. I'd be interested in tips as well, because I don't want to decline dinner invitations but at the same time i can't afford to eat at restaurants 4 nights a week and lose weight. So far the only thing I've done is try to make healthier choices at restaurants (i.e. getting a grilled chicken salad instead of chicken fingers and fries).
I really like the above suggestions, especially suggesting you go for a walk or some other form of physical activity that you can do together. I may do that too!
With respect if this is a conversation you're not capable of having with your boyfriend you should just give up on having any kind of a solid relationship.
The above is an example of how blunt you need to be when speaking to men. We're very simple. You just need to tell us what you want/need us to do.
My boyfriend is a healthy weight and he definitely inadvertantly affects how I eat. The other night we sat down to watch a movie, afterward I counted the calories in all the snacks he ate, about 1000! But all I had to do was say to him, please don't eat so much around me, it makes me feel bad and he said yeah, no problem.
You have to be able to say it directly!
Some things I have also done are if he really wants to eat out I suggest cooking for us instead which he loves. Then I can control what calories I eat and he can eat the rest, no problem! If he is really he'll bent on going out, we wait and do it once over the weekend, delayed gratification is the best!
My bf has also gained 30lbs since we've been together. He was very skinny before so he's actually still at a normal weight. Seeing me working on being healthy had made him want to do the same on his own. He's cut out soda almost completely and has started working out again. He still loves his treats though. I'm thankful we don't like the same type of snacks or I'd be in trouble constantly lol.
As far as talking to him about it you're just going to have to be honest about not being able to eat like him. I'm sure he will understand. Maybe you could suggest saving money by not going out to get treats so much and using it for something else.
My boyfriend and I are long-distance, and truthfully it makes it easier. We always go out to dinner, but as I only see him once a month, maybe twice it doesn't affect my weight loss. Usually I'm good with portion control, but when we spend the day together I usually end up eating just cause he is - like popcorn while watching a movie even though I don't like theatre popcorn.
I think it is mostly about saying what you want, not what he needs to do. In our 3 years together he's gained 30 pounds. Yes, he'd like to lose, but it isn't my job to tell him "no". My job is to offer healthier choices and let him decide. I have to stand up and say "sure, you can have ice cream, I'll have some fruit instead" or "let's go to A instead of B because they have healthier options" or "Not tonight, but if you want to, go ahead".
I don't nag him - we've talked about my weight loss a lot, what I do, what anyone would need to do to lose weight, but he's an adult, and so am I. I always felt guilty for my eating growing up and I definitely wouldn't want anyone else to feel like I'm shaming them.
I had the same problem with mine. Just be blunt. Tell him you want to lose weight for health, and if his BMI is over a healthy one, tell him he should think about eating better too. Its kinda fun when you can be 'healthy together' so encourage him to join in with you on better eating/exercising. Just make sure it doesn't turn into a healthy eating contest.. Men can get very competitive about these things. I would know.
Well, you certainly cannot eat the same portions that he can - I mean, HE cannot even eat those portions and not gain! That means they are WAY too many calories for you.
It is super typical to gain weight in a relationship - I can imagine most of us here did as well. I did! Welcome to the club!
I'm still learning how to eat with my boyfriend. Things have been getting better. One thing to do: find a fun sport that you both can share and do this most evenings instead of simply watching television or going to the movies. My boyfriend got me into jogging. Now, that is our thing that we do together.
In my opinion, try to look at the situation a bit more positively. I mean, yeah - his presence definitely helped you gain 20 lbs. But, you also have wonderful partner in crime now that you can go to the gym with, etc.
When I met my boyfriend, I was a leaner 148. Then, within no time I blossomed out to 180-185. We started jogging together when I was feeling low. I recently started calorie counting and am slowly down to 158. Still a ways to go. It happens to the best of us.
When my husband first met, we were 118lbs & 190lbs, we're now 135lbs & 240lbs (he gained more weight in pregnancy than me!).
Some of the strategies we are using is to avoid restaurants (we go 2x a month to a fantastically romantic restaurant rather than 2-3x a week to "okay" places), not sitting down with junk (movies = 1 bag dry popcorn), and finding bonding activities other than eating (working out together with our son rather than food).
Believe me, this bad habit developed before our son came along became a million times worse after. Replacing bad habits with good habits is really the way to go, rather than lecturing, as you seem to already know.
With respect if this is a conversation you're not capable of having with your boyfriend you should just give up on having any kind of a solid relationship.
The above is an example of how blunt you need to be when speaking to men. We're very simple. You just need to tell us what you want/need us to do.
I've been married for twenty years for someone who likes to cook gourmet meals loaded with butter, cream, etc. Our schedules are different, so oftentimes he is home before me and starts dinner. It is very hard to come home from a long day of work and resist a gourmet meal that has been prepared. The thing is that he has never had a weight problem (he only eats twice a day----doesn't snack at all), so he doesn't understand why I can't have "just a little" of what he has cooked. To remain within my calorie range, I would have to eat miniscule portions that would never satisfy me, and besides, if it tastes great, I want MORE.
So, I've had to make adjustments. If he prepares some fatty pasta dish, I just skip it altogether and eat some veggies instead. I may eat the main dish he has made, if it isn't too fatty. Otherwise, I broil my chicken, for example, and just tell him that I'll have a taste of what he has made. Also, I do most of the cooking now so that I can control what goes in my food. It's more of a pain in the neck, but at least I've lost weight.
Listen to John P. Just tell him you don't want to go. It won't be "mothering" him to say "I don't want to get ice cream."
While calorie counting allows me to eat what I want, I've been craving healthier things. My fiancee will sometimes suggest places that don't have healthy options and I'll just tell him that I want to go somewhere else. We generally find somewhere where he can get what he wants and I can get what I want (we don't live together and we both still live with our parents. Going out is sometimes the only way we can get alone time).
My Boyfriend Eats a LOT
