[guacamole]

I found two threads that really spoke to me in the 20-somethings and 30-somethings forum (the links are below). I thought maybe we could try to do this here on the 40-somethings and see if our responses are similar or different based on age and experience. The only rules are to be honest and not to judge anyone's confessions about their weight loss journey. You can post more than once. I feel like most of my confessions have already been highlighted in the two other threads, so this may be more of a copy and paste exercise for me. Here are some of my weight loss confessions -

~ I always got mad at my doctors when they suggested that weight loss would resolve some of my health issues - I felt it was "fat discrimination" and an easy way for them to shirk diagnosing and solving my health problems. To my chagrin, since I have begun to lose weight, some of my health issues have been resolved. I know that I still have some health issues that would be resolved if I would lose more weight.

~ On a related note - I confess that secretly I wish there was a clinical reason for me being so fat.

~ I would love to be able to look good in a bathing suit again.

~ I am afraid of what my tummy and breasts will look like when I am done losing weight.

~ I constantly feel like I am just passing time until I fail, again.

~ I worry that the closer I get to goal, the easier it will be to get lazy and go back to old ways.

~ I confess that I automatically look around a room/event/whatever to see if I'm the fattest person there. I'm thrilled when I'm not.

~ My goal weight is 130lbs, but my super-secret goal weight is 115lbs.

~ If the scale goes up at all it discourages me and makes me want to give up the weight loss battle.

~ I confess that I sometimes wish I would get a curable sickness that would just make the fat fall off.

~ I confess that I feel like fat is "contagious," meaning that if you surround yourself with heavy people, it will cause your own weight to rise. I feel this way because I was very thin when I married my overweight husband (his entire family has weight issues). My friends at the time (exercise buddies and very skinny themselves) used to tease me about why I was dating someone overweight when I was so fit (what can I say - I loved the guy despite his weight!). I wound up being influenced by his negative eating habits and now, many years of marriage later, we are both overweight. I also logically know I have no right to blame him for my bad choices - but emotionally, I still secretly do.

~ I almost never get on the floor to play with my 6 year old because I can't get comfortable on the floor and I can't get back up without stumbling, huffing, and great effort. This becomes more difficult to avoid when we are at playgroups, children's museums, or doing mom/kid classroom activities.

~ I am afraid of the attention I might attract when I am thin - both from women (jealousy/cattiness) and men (flirting/suggestive comments). Since getting fat I have become invisible - and sometimes it's kind of nice. Strange, how the larger we become, the less people notice us!

~ ETA - this is probably the most important and secret confession for me. I am terrified that my daughter is going to become overweight. She has put on a great deal of weight over the past year since hitting puberty, and I am afraid she is going to keep piling on the pounds. She eats a lot (she is a growing girl!), but how much of it is emotional overeating? I don't want to become the food police and make her self-conscious or think that I am calling her fat. So far, I have not commented on her food intake. I was so much smaller/thinner than she is at her age, and now nobody would guess that I had ever once been thin! Had I started out at my current weight during my youth, I would probably be twice my size today (at the rate I have gained weight throughout the years). If she keeps up this weight gain, I am afraid she will be obese during her teens and 20s - a time when she should be looking her best! I don't want her to suffer, and also - shamefully - I don't want to feel embarrassed about her weight or have people blame me for it ("Why don't you put her on a diet?" "Well, what do you expect from her - look at the mother!").

That's it for now. Is anyone brave enough to add their own confessions?


Weight Loss Confessions 20-somethings


Weight Loss Confessions 30-somethings

[mgruce]

After being in an abusive relationship when I was young and going through purging and not eating, I have always been obsessed with my weight. I confess it has taken over my life and has affected it negatively at times. I feel I tried every OTC product, WW, South beach.. I realize I have no idea how to lose weight. I try to eat right and I have started exercising every day. When I look at myself in the mirror I see someone 200's heavier. I feel like a failure because I dont know how to lose weight. When you face the battle alone, you only beat yourself up. Thats my confession

[guacamole]

mgruce - ((hugs)) That was a brave confession!

You know, I told myself that I would delete this thread if no one responded today. I was feeling pretty vulnerable with all this stuff hanging out there and no one participating. This topic really seemed to take off in the 20s and 30s forum, but I guess us older ladies aren't as forthcoming! Thanks for responding!

[magraba]

- when (if!) someone pays me a compliment about the way i look, i automatically think he/she is making fun of me.
- i feel better among people who are bigger than me: i love the feeling of being thin!
- i only buy clothes to cover myself, not to get dressed! i don't enhance myself when i am overweight

cant think of anything else now, but i am sure there are other issues... will post them as soon as they come to my mind!

[guacamole]

I can relate to all the things on your list! Especially the part about dressing to cover up - kind of like putting drape cloths over furniture when you are painting the house! I liken myself to a sofa!

[mgruce]

Oh yes... I buy clothes to cover up!

I always think when we go places or do things "am I going to be the fattest one there", 'is everyone looking at me' .. I have very poor self esteem. I am trying to work on that, but years of being mentally and physically abused, doesnt change over night..( or in 20+ yrs)..

I love this post. Sounds terrible, but hearing people do some of the same things I do or feel like I do at times, makes me feel I am not alone..

[magraba]

ok, here is something connected to my being a mother. Confession of a fear.
I had my first diet when I was about 14 – did not need it but I felt I was enormous. And everything started… the famous yo-yo effect which made me gain a lot of weight, the continuous dieting, the starvation Vs the binge… and it went on for years and years.
I could reach my goal after my daughter was born and kept it for over 10 years, then I stopped smoking and I returned to comfort food... I gained a lot of weight and here I am again.
My confession? I wouldnt want my daughter to start a diet.
She is petit: 13 years old, 4.8 tall, about 73 pounds, not even developed yet. And a few days ago she said to me: “mum, my bottom is getting really big”.
I was nearly getting a stroke!
Ok, she is not me. She might not make the same mistake, but I am terrified that she might become fat by trying to lose the weight which is only in her mind….
p.s. - and I don’t even want to think about eating disorders. Even worse.

[Candi44]

My confessions
- I monitored my son intake of food because I didn't want him to live his youth as a fat kid
- I have no thyroid so I take a higher dose than necessary in hopes I will lose weight easier faster
- I hate the way I look naked
- I think men only want to be with me is because they think I am easy because I am fat
- I don't think I look good in anything I wear
- I have stopped communicating with any friends I had because I don't feel comfortable at social events

Those are just some of my confessions

[kirsteng]

Originally Posted by Candi44

My confessions
- I monitored my son intake of food because I didn't want him to live his youth as a fat kid
- I have no thyroid so I take a higher dose than necessary in hopes I will lose weight easier faster
- I hate the way I look naked
- I think men only want to be with me is because they think I am easy because I am fat
- I don't think I look good in anything I wear
- I have stopped communicating with any friends I had because I don't feel comfortable at social events

Those are just some of my confessions

Hi candi,

You and I are in the same boat! I also have no thyroid (did you have thyroid cancer too?) and have taken too much in the past as well in a misguided attempt to kickstart my weight loss. I just ended up with heart palpitations.

[kirsteng]

Some of these really rang true for me too... like the not wanting to get off the floor when playing with my kids when other adults are around so no one will see that it takes a bit of effort... like monitoring my daughter's food intake so she won't end up a fat kid...

Also:

* secretly dreading airline travel as I am never sure if my a** will fit in the seat. Now that I have 3 children I can use some of their space, but I always hate the take off and landing, when you have to lower the arm rest.

* eyeing up chairs with arms to make sure I can fit in them before sitting down.

* not wanting to wear a skirt in sticky weather because of the thigh-abrasions I always suffer...

* I dread going to the beach when I will be wearing a swimsuit. Even worse if there are other inlaws, friends or extended family also in attendance. I hate the feeling of the coverup being removed and the breeze touching my bare thighs.. I feel like all eyes on the beach turn to me and think 'whoa, would you look at the THIGHS on HER!"

* wondering if people think I look enormous next to my husband

Those are just some.. I bet I could come up with lots more!

[Moondance]

Everyone has touched on mine, espcially you Guac with the sickness one.

*I confess I'm afraid if I lose the weight and someone doesn't like me, I can't blame it on the fat. They really don't like me.

*I confess I like it when I'm not the fattest one in the room (and I always check).

*I confess I feel inferior to thin women; as if they look down on me because I'm fatter than they are.

*I confess I'm afraid my husband doesn't really desire me anymore and if I don't lose weight, I may lose him (he has not said ANYTHING about this...just a secret fear I have).

*I confess I'm afraid I will fail again and I'm destined to be fat forever and not live long enough to fully enjoy my children as adults and their children.

That's enough for now. Phew!

[Ashley777]

what a great thread, thanks guac for starting it.

When I don't overeat I feel really good and have a lot of energy and my anxiety level can be high. many times I have binged because I am afraid of feeling this good all the time and I don't know what to do with myself.

I am afraid when my husband goes to work or aa meetings that when he leaves the house that can be a trigger for me to have a binge.

I am afraid to have looks from men like I did when I was younger and thinner. I don't know why but it really pissed me off.

There is something theraputic in giving voice to our fears, I believe it helps to make them not so big anymore.

[HikingChloe]

I confess that I thought I as got closer to my goal I would automatically feel happier.

I confess that even with the weight loss I could stand there are list many things I still don't like about my body. Aging + weight-loss makes from some interesting body talk. I can't say I much care for my body naked.

I confess I am sick of going out with a group of girls and listening to them talk about their bodies and weight issues.

I confess my dog doesn't care what weight I am and sometimes (often) that makes me not care either.

I saw this thread when it first came out - I just had to think long and hard about whether or not I wanted to type some of my fears.

I don't have kids, but for those of you with kids: I think I have heard just about every parent I know say roughly the same thing. Some of them are overweight parents, some of them are not. Interestingly most of my friends fear their daughters not ever getting married. Hard to hear when you are not married yourself. But that is off topic.

I would be willing to bet that some of you are setting outstanding examples for your children. The key is figuring out how to diet and deal with the stumbling blocks of dieting without it becoming an obsession they pick up on. In that regard I admire you, because it is hard not to get obsessive in my opinion.

Take care.

[rukiddingme]

-I assume everything is about my weight and take offense to the stupidest things.
-I have avoid family functions because I will be the fatest person there.
-I dont eat out because Im afraid I wont fit in the booth and/or people will stare.
-I dress in the biggest baggest clothes I can find and the shirts have to be long so the cover my hanging belly.

I could go on for days...

[twinieten]

This is a really good thread! My secret confessions:

~ I fear that I will never be (or stay) thin. This is my 3rd major diet since I was in my 20s. I'm always successful, but end up gaining it all back, and more.

~ I fear I will feel superior to fat people once I'm thin, because I feel so inferior to thin people when I'm fat. I don't want to look down upon or be prejudiced against fat people.

~I compare myself to others constantly. I'm so much more aware of the weight of those around me than I used to be.

~I compare myself to other mens' wives. Am I the thinnest (therefore the prettiest, and most attractive)?

~ I scan a room to see if I'm the fattest person there, or how I compare to the other women there.

~ I don't mind standing out as the only thin person in a room, but I hate being the fattest.

~ I fear my children will become fat. My younger son eats and eats, and we used to make a big deal out of it, which made him proud and eat more. "Oh my gosh, do you have a hollow leg?" "Wow, I can't believe how much that kid can put away!" But I noticed he was getting pudgy and told my husband we need to curb the comments. I don't want him to eat a lot to impress us. I want him to eat a lot if he needs to, and eat less when he doesn't.

~ I love the fact that I'm thinner than my sister, who was always thinner and prettier than me growing up.

~ I love the fact that out of my family, I'm one of the thin ones.

~I love the fact that out of those who have openly talked about losing weight, or who have actively dieted, I'm the one who has been successful.

~ I spent so many years as the fat friend, I relish the idea of being the thin one.

~ I fear I will never be thin enough to attract the attention of men. I'm married and I don't need the attention of other men, but I can't help but feel flattered if I'm noticed. I hate this about myself.