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Old 09-18-2011, 04:28 PM   #1
free1
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 881

S/C/G: 24W/10-12/10-12

Height: 5', 5"

Smile RANT UPDATE (Awakening)

Thanks to everyone who read and responded to my wild "weight loss" rant. Thanks to everyone who reminded me that others have bigger and more life threatening issues. You're right, I have a lot to be thankful for.

As an update, I tried again on Saturday and to my surprise, I found a beautiful and professional 14/16 dress for only $9.99. The victory is that this is my first time buying a 14/16 since about 12 years old. (I've been in this weight battle a long time).

I thought about what really made me upset. The shopping experience shattered the image of myself that I allowed myself to believe for years. I convinced myself that I wasn't as big as I was. When I see myself now, I don't really see weight loss because in my delusional mind....I was always the size I am now. I think the shopping experience really made me face what I've done to my body. And when you really look it in the eye, it is really hard!!!

As a larger woman, I avoided mirrors and allowed myself to believe that I was still the size I was in HS. It was large but not as large as I actually was. The reality is sobering.

The good thing is that I've committed to change. I'm no longer a 24. I can jog slightly. And while I bought a 14/16 dress it has alot of stretchy material. But I'm close....really close. I've tried other 16s and they've fit. I am still claiming an 18 for now because it is more comfortable. But I'm making progress and for that.....I'm grateful.
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Welcome to my crazy life.....http://theythatweight.blogspot.com/

A City Girl's Guide to Faith, Weight and Sanity
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