I don't think I've ever been so low...way too desperate...
Hi folks.
I'm not new here, but it's been a while since I've been on. Honestly, I don't know where else to go. I don't know what else to do. I am so tired of fighting.
I've done Weight Watchers. I've done low carb. I'm seeing a therapist specializing in my problem (binge/compulsive eating). Intuitive eating, OA... I feel like I've tried it all and I am just about ready to give it. I hate losing the same pounds over and over and over again. I hate thinking about weight and my body from the time I get up to the time I go to sleep. I keep waiting to "hit bottom" so I can turn it all around...but so far, nothing.
I hate coming in here sounding so negative, but I guess I'm just hoping I'm not the only person feeling like this. I need support, but I don't know how or I'm just too scared to find it. I just don't know what to do anymore. Will there ever be any hope?
Have you ever talked to your therapist about an SSRI? They are commonly used to treat binge eating disorder, allowing your body to utilize more serotonin rather than turning to food for it. Many of us who binge eat do so because of the chemicals food produces in our brains, and an SSRI can help prevent the withdrawl symptoms when you stop using food as medicine. From experience, I can tell you that it's very effective.
You might also want to consider Overaters Anonymous. It's an excellent resource for binge eaters in that it provides a system of fixing the mental/emotional problems associated with binge eating, as well as sets you up with a program for changing the way you eat (an actual diet plan is an option). It's free, and the best part, for me anyway, is the emotional support that comes from the other members and your sponsor, whom you can call at any time, day or night. Some people are confused by the faith part of OA, but it's open to people of all faiths. I personally am an atheist and have found nothing but support from OA. You can search for a meeting at the link below, or join an online meeting.
You are a true gift from God do you know that? I say that..because i myself was just about to write the very same thoughts down tonight. I myself have been struggling. Im sick of the dieting..Im sick of it all..but i dont know what to do..and to see that there is someone else in the world besides me who is fed up and frustrated..makes me feel..not alone..
Im sorry that i cant give you an answer or a soloution to the problem..because quite frankly, im there with the same problem..with no soloution and i too keep waiting to bottom out so i can somehow climb back up but its not happening yet..and i dont know when or if..and i dont know what the future holds, but i just wanted to say..that you are a true gift..and one way or another..we will get through this.
Location: Glasgow, Scotland usually but Afghanistan at the mo
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Hey there,
Ohh I have been here aswell- Think ive been on a diet since i was about 5 haha well feels that long anyways- Feel like I have always been watching what I eat or going through the same mental problems that comes with being over weight - Its a Freeking Nightmare !!!
But We just need to keep going- I don't have the right answer or solution for you - I wish I did.
Maybe stop being so hard on yourself- Easier said than Done- and should listen to my own advice..
I don't know what else to say- Except I know you can do it!
You need to believe- But its just another goal in life- Like a goal to go see a certain country or become whatever profession etc... You need to work at it and it will happen over time..
I want the quick fix that makes me nice and thin overnight.
I think it's great that you are seeing a therapist. So many people avoid that way of getting help, and it's shame that they do. Food addiction is a real thing, and habitual ways of coping by abusing food are pretty common.
With weight loss, it's not enough to try things short-term and then give up. When you say you tried WW, tried low carb.... How long did you stick with them? Did you give up after you went off plan? Did you just get tired and decide you "deserved" some kind of food that wasn't on the list?
I'm someone who lost successfully and thought I had the answer. But after a couple of years, I started to struggle, and then I slowly regained a chunk of weight back. The old way that I used to lose didn't work for me any more--and I gave it a good try!
Once someone is overweight/obese, that person is probably going to have to pay attention to food long term to successfully keep their weight down. I think it's best to accept that. And then one has to learn how to do that. It may not mean tracking every single calorie, or conversely, it might--it depends on the individual.
But one thing I can say is true for me: Way too much food is available out there in the world, and the "old days" of eating anything at any time in any quantity, whenever I felt like it, have to be gone forever. There are no outs for that, no exceptions, without consequences.
I hope you can find out a way that works for you. Good luck!
Jay
Once someone is overweight/obese, that person is probably going to have to pay attention to food long term to successfully keep their weight down. I think it's best to accept that. And then one has to learn how to do that. It may not mean tracking every single calorie, or conversely, it might--it depends on the individual.
But one thing I can say is true for me: Way too much food is available out there in the world, and the "old days" of eating anything at any time in any quantity, whenever I felt like it, have to be gone forever. There are no outs for that, no exceptions, without consequences.
^^This^^ is SO true. Once I accepted that I will never be able to eat as much as I want, whenever I want, I turned a corner. Now, I feel more at peace with the plan I'm on but also with myself. That doesn't mean that I never give in to the urge to eat more than I should, but I realize that I won't use that as a reason to throw in the towel and eat everything in sight. I've accepted the reality that if I do that, I might as well face the prospect of being overweight/obese forever.
It's a mindset change, and I really, really, feel for you, OP. I have been where you are (many of us have), and most recently, it took me five years to get to the point where I am now. One thing I know, though: No matter what happens, giving up is not an option. I am already 43, and I refuse to live as a middle-aged obese woman, with all the problems that come along with that. So, if I get burned out on what I'm doing or it stops working for me, I'll try something else. Again, giving up is not an option.
kelly315: I've been on SSRIs for a while, so far haven't found one that specifically works for the binge eating. I may just have to keep looking.
I've tried a couple of OA meetings. What I've seen has been really supportive. I just don't know that I'll meet their definition of "abstinent", at least for a while. Going from binging several times a week to never doing so again...I just don't know how realistic that it. It sounds like you've tried it, though. How did it work for you?
JayEll: Depends on the thing. I've been doing therapy for about three months. Weight Watchers, which I was most successful at, worked for about six months. After that, I think it just may have been lack of support. Sometimes it's hard for me to feel like I have a place to go where I can trust people and where people actually care about me and what I have to say.
But I think you're right about coming to terms with the fact that I will probably not be able to eat the way I'd like to in a world where the calories don't matter. For me, I think there's always been this fear that I'll be missing out on something...which sounds stupid, now that I think about it. I mean, it's food for heaven's sake. But I have to remember how much I already am missing by the choices I'm making- the ability to be as healthy as I'd like, the ability to feel confident knowing that I have overcome something. Those are hard things to remember when the binge feeling sets in.
I've tried a couple of OA meetings. What I've seen has been really supportive. I just don't know that I'll meet their definition of "abstinent", at least for a while. Going from binging several times a week to never doing so again...I just don't know how realistic that it.
I think the greatest thing about support groups is that you don't have to be perfect to keep going. In fact, when we make a mistake... the support group is the very first place we need to go. They know it's not the end, they know how it feels, they know there's light at the end of the tunnel, and they know next time will be better. (3FC does those things for me. My WW meetings did those things for me.)
You don't have to immediately be their definition of abstinent for the rest of your life. How about... just one day? Or just one meal?
Most people on this board can point to a time on their weight loss journeys when it really was all about just doing what they could manage one day at a time. They couldn't think about tomorrow, or the week. They certainly couldn't think about the rest of their lives this way.
But, taking it one day at a time, making the best choices possible... just that day. And sometimes...just that meal. It was an improvement. It was good. And it helped them get through the really tough times.
Maybe you wouldn't be able to go from binging several times a week to absolutely nothing, but what if you could go from binging several times a week to binging only every other week? And then less... and less... and less... All by taking it one day at a time.
There's no deadline for this, and nobody here as ever nor will ever reach perfection. There's no such thing. There's only better than where we are now.
I can totally relate to your post. And don't give up hope. One thing that helped me to overcome binge eating was Overcoming Overeating. I really had to change how I looked at food and eating, and it didn't happen overnight, and it's a work in progress too. I worked with a therapist who specialized in eating disorders for a while.
Once I got over the binge urges, it became more of a process of honing my habits, the foods I ate, when I ate, how much. I incorporated exercise, which helped me a lot mentally and physically.
I'd just add that there are lots of enjoyable aspects. I love going to farmers markets and trying new fruits, vegetables, and recipes. I feel so much healthier, and love to exercise.
The weight hasn't melted off me, I can still go up and down. And I can overindulge -- but I don't binge, and getting back into a healthy eating routine and back to losing the weight much quicker. I don't spend all my time counting calories, though I check my diet from time to time on fitday.com. I do eat fairly repetitively, basically the same breakfast and lunch. But it gets mixed up on the weekends, and dinners vary.
I also had to work on not eating out of stress/emotionally, which I see as a different issue than the binge eating, though they're related.
You've probably made progress in lots of areas, if you took an inventory. But I get that feeling of tiredness and wanting to not have to deal with it anymore, and to just be a healthy weight. Good luck, and post with specifics, I'm sure you'll find people here that can relate and give you options to try.
I've made peace with the idea that I need to pay attention to eating healthy, and that I'd like to exercise to help my health and weight. But I can still feel the tug of the little girl who wants to sit on the couch watching tv and pigging out on Doritos -- it's just the results of the little girl behavior that I'm not willing to accept!!
I don't think I've ever been so low...way too desperate...
