Sum, sorry to hear you are dealing with TOM issues. I hate waking up with a headache, it makes the whole day difficult to get through.
Sum & Heidi, 20 hours a week plus commuting sounds nice... someday I'll get to that point, but not happening now. My commute is either 30 minutes, or like tomorrow it is 30 seconds, because I'll work from home.
Guac, sounds like the appointment went well and you have plan of action, as well as some incentive to keep working at it!
Carma, I tell clients to organize paperwork one day a month, when their bank statements come in. And I am going to do that this year for my husband, because he doesn't take my advise and then we fight about it. I finally decided that if I'm going to end up fighting with him about it and doing it myself anyway, I may as well do it during the year. Once you get into the routine, it goes smoothly. And we'll see about the animal crackers, because we have less at home than yesterday(because he ate more), and both he & I were at the store we get them at, and forgot to pick them up. He said he's going by there tomorrow... so we will see if he remembers.
Down to 126.5 this am, so that is 2 of the 3 I picked up from the party.
B - Egg, yogurt, cheese stick
L - few pieces of tandoori chicken & shrimp, cucumber salad, 1/2C rice, 1/4 piece of naan bread. (Indian restaurant)
S - Orange, cheese stick
D - Bison burger on thin round, salad, orange, animal crackers
S - ice cream, MRC cappuccino.
W - 8 cups
E - quick/short walk around block (1 mile), too cold to go again
calories before walk - about 1175. Short but thinking lunch might be more than what I calculated, and I'm not hungry anyway.
tomorrow could be challenging. I have a coffee meeting in the am, and then taking DD#2 to a university reception in the evening that is being held at one of the local country clubs. My guess is that they will have yummy things to eat. I think I'm going to pass unless they have something simply too good to pass by... I think I'm going to skip my afternoon snack & eat dinner early so I have some extra calories.
Some movement on my scale, almost back to my late January weight. I want to get out these 140's so bad! Hoping to be done in less than a week.
I had a really nice NSV on Monday. I put on size 10 pants and they were clearly too large on me, yay! I tried on bunch of 10's and all of them were too big. I still have some jeans that are 10's and fit very nicely.
Meals
B - Orange, egg and green tea
L - Salad w/ avocado, tomato, cucumber, onion, grilled chicken and feta. Dressing.
D - Leftover Teriyaki chicken, veggies and a small salad
S - Apple w/pb, string cheese
No junk all day
Exercise
4.7 mile treadmill walk 60 min
Weights 45 min
Okay ladies, I hate to be the Debbie downer here but I need to vent, maybe cry a little. I have come to the conclusion that I truly have a problem. I was bulimic in the past, and feel like I'm heading towards that ugly place again. My party went well and I felt pretty good but was left with a ton of leftovers. I ate all the leftover desserts the day after.....as well as the leftover food. I came from a house where you didn't waste food because my parents grew up poor and there was no room for it in my freezer so I had no choice or so I thought. I had a bunch of leftover garlic knots also ..so lets say the sugar, carbs and calorie consumption was off the chart for a good two or three days. The result: I'm back up to 148. I struggled so much the week before to get slighty below 143...I look back now and say what was that all for? Okay here is when the story gets even worse. The nice man I'm seeing is taking me on a ski weekend with all his friends.....I don't ski, but was looking forward to maybe hiking and tubing....well wouldn't you know he mentions that I should bring my bathing suit because there is a pool. I told him that I don't swim in indoor pools because I teach in one so it doesn't do much for me. He looked a little puzzled and disappointed. Finally I told him that I don't have any bathing suits that fit. He didn't push the issue. I looked up the resort online and low and behold this pool looks like some kind of fantasy land, complete with grotto, waterfalls, trees and plants, and you can tan because of the glass they use to cover it. So while all his friends and he are in the pool i'll be the odd man out, all because I hate my body. I called my friend crying last night and she told me to just go buy a bathing suit in the specialty swimwear store (they fit big sizes on top, I'm a 32F) , but honestly there is nothing that I could buy in a store that will make me feel better about my thighs.....I'm tired of this horrible feeling. Im sure there are bigger girls that would tell me that I am stupid and a drama queen and there's nothing wrong with me...but eating disorders have nothing to do with your body, they start in your head. So here I am dreading this trip.....I should be packing for it now and I don't want to .....I finally met this amazing man that wants to take me to a nice place and I can't enjoy it.
No carbs today, very little food... lots of lemon water, but honestly I don't think it will help.
Oh honey, I'm sorry you're feeling so rotten about yourself. I hate, hate, hate that we do this sort of thing to ourselves.
First, I bet your amazing man thinks you are HOT, including your thighs.
But look, all this pressure is going to make you crazy. Nobody can just suddenly accept themselves (and their body, and their perceived "flaws" etc.) on the shortened deadline you are on (though I think this is worth working on later, when you're not under all this pressure!).
So, deep breath. You've decided you are not swimming so stop stressing, decision made. Pick out the cutest tropical outfit you've got and decide you will rock that poolside. Shorts, a gauzy top, whatever it is, you're going to look great. You don't have to GET IN the pool to have a good time or to be participating! Practice a couple of lines about how "the chlorine irritates my eyes, so it's all yours baby" (or something snarky that I would say is: "Don't you know I'm made of sugar, baby, I'll melt in that pool!)" and have them ready to toss off if someone should ask why you aren't getting in.
Say those lines with confidence. Honestly, if you are there, having fun, I don't think anybody will give 2 hoots whether you're actually swimming or not! You can be the photog for this event, bring your camera.
You're going to dangle your feetsies in the water while they splash about and you're going to look hot doing it. And you're going to have fun with your amazing man.
Side note: you didn't suddenly transform into a hideous monster because the scale registers 5 pounds more. Seriously, you didn't. You are the same beautiful gal the amazing man wants to spend time with. You really are.
So get packing missy, this is going to be a fun vacay!
Zumba, I'm sorry you are struggling so... Mrs. Snark gives great advice above. I don't know why we do this to ourselves either... I know what you mean about struggling to get to a certain weight and then undoing it all in such a short time, making the whole thing seems like the Myth of Sisyphus. I'm right there with you...
crib note here: In Greek mythology Sisyphus was a king of Ephyra punished for chronic deceitfulness by being compelled to roll an immense boulder up a hill, only to watch it roll back down, and to repeat this action forever
Marleen Indian lunch always does me in; I'm impressed by our control! I'm sure your event tonight will go equally well. Looking forward to hearing how your husband handles the impending animal cracker shortage...
Zumba I am so sorry that you are feeling sad! Michelle gave some fabulous advise! -- I think you can totally rock the poolside with some poolside clothing. Go and buy yourself a smoking hot bikini top and wear a sarong with it. To make it fun, you could even bring a large brim hat and to die for big shades, umbrella drink in your hand; a little glam and mystery. Play off your assets (32F will leave everyone drooling) and you have a fab waist.
Zumba, I'm writing on my phone so sorry if it's a bit disjointed.
Firstly, I don't know much about eating disorders but it does seem as though there have been major changes in your life recently which can definitely change your relationship with food.
I love Sum and Mrs Snark's suggestion re the swimming but if you like to swim I say just jump in the pool! (In a brand new bikini, of course). Our society being what it is there won't be a woman there who isn't thinking about her own thighs, or her bikini wax or something and your man friend will be looking at your fabulous curves. You've had a rough time by the sound of things and depriving yourself of something fun because you don't feel like you're in perfect shape seems like a form of punishment. And that, of course, puts you under immense pressure to lose weight so you can give yourself permission to enjoy things
I'm not going to go all new age and talk about how you need to "love yourself as you are right now" but you need to cut yourself some slack and think how far you've come. I look at pics of myself in my 20s before my slim, fit body was ruined by children and wish I'd not wasted time fretting over imaginary flaws. I'm not going to let my real "flaws" - my extra weight, saggy boobs and stretch marks- stop me from swimming and having fun with the kids.
And when you go bikini shopping don't get upset by how you look when you try them on. Everyone knows those changing rooms are specially designed to make your thighs look worse than usual.
Ok personals first then my day.
first and foremost Zumba: i totally love Mrs Snark and Sums suggestion. I lean towards Sum. Might I also point out that what most men want is a woman comfortable with herself. This man has taken an interest in you so take one in yourself. Play up your assets. Buy a cute top with board shorts and say you don't want a wardrobe malfunction on the water slides. Have fun.
Marlene: glad the weight is coming off and thanks for the tax advice.
Sum: great NSV!
Mrs Snark: Baby, i am feeling your vibe. Lol.
Heidi, chubby mum and shr1nk1ng:
So as far as me goes whoosh fairy visited 209.2. I think it must be pre TOM but I will take it. I have been good though. I write this from my stretcher on my kindle. My husband didn't want me to drive on the icy roads so here i am. He's stuck home with the kids so jokes on him.
Have a good night ladies.
Zumba - sorry you are having such a tough time, I kind of understand how down it is making you feel.
Seems like everyone is kind of just going along nicely & getting closer to your goals.
Me, not so much. I am really trying to not beat myself up so bad, but I am having my moments. I do realize I was really really sick, I was taking way to many antibiotics & all the other crap they were giving me since I just wasn't responding to treatment and I do realize you can't just lose the weight over night. So that in a nutshell is me trying to look on the positive side & be realistic. So I had lost 11 pounds since I joined this site, I got sick, I started gaining but for the last 10 days I have been on a strictly vegetarian diet of 1200 calories per day, it is hard to get it exact but it has ranged everyday between 1190 - 1210. Since getting sick I have gained 11.8 pounds so I am .8 over what I started at.
I am going to call the doctor & see if she has any ideas or what I need to be doing different. I went and bought a stationary bike & I bought a new scale that is easier for me to read the actual weight on. Nothing like feeling old and fat because I have to squint & try to see the actual weight even with my glasses on.
I am kind of at a loss. I don't do well taking meds of any kind, I figured I was gaining because of that & not really feeling like eating, but in the last 10 days it should seem like some of that would have come back off.
I am really trying to work through this instead of getting depressed and throwing in the towel. I do exercise but generally only in warm weather but I am pretty active all day so I don't want to go below 1200 calories.
I am going to start weighing daily, ride the bike for an hour each day & call the doctor. Anybody got any other bits of wisdom for me?
Zumba, if you don't like the bikini idea, what about a tankini? That is what I got last year because even with losing the weight, I still have a belly roll (mostly skin now, but still) that bothered me. It hides what I want to hide and looks cute on.
Shay, maybe you need more calories? Might do to try for a little higher for a few days.
The animal cracker saga continues. He did not pick any up today. I put the last whole 8 in a Baggie tonight to take to work tomorrow, all that is left are broken pieces. He took some before I got to them, and then came in after I got the bag and ate pieces. I am not worried since I have my hidden stash at the office, but we are supposed to get wet mixed stuff on Friday, so I'm planning on working from home again. So I am going to take some of the ones from the office & bag up so I have some for the weekend... He's going to be out around town the next two days... Wonder if he'll pick up more?
As to my day, I was on plan even with the events, and ended up at 1250 -1275 calories, so all good there.
I still have some jeans that are 10's and fit very nicely.
I know what you mean about struggling to get to a certain weight and then undoing it all in such a short time, making the whole thing seems like the Myth of Sisyphus. I'm right there with you...
