Well, I admittedly lied to myself for a number of years. I didn't own a scale, and the mirror is a liar (Yes, it is. I tend to think I look better than I am. The camera is honest). I would stand on the scale backwards at the doc office so they wouldn't tell me my weight. I felt that knowing would upset and undermine my efforts. I lied to myself and convinced myself that I wasn't eating that much and if i over ate, it was OK because I was going to the gym. I am a good liar.
I am not completely forthcoming about my weight. I will tell people what I want to lose freely, before I blurt out what I weigh and what I want to weigh. If someone asked me what I weigh, I don't think I'd have a problem telling them. The fact that I'm losing weight and I'm proud of where I have come from and the direction I'm going in is helpful.
kaplods - that's such a great point about not knowing what "normal" really looks like. The lies we tell ourselves and the lies that others tell us are so prevalent! I also like the point you make about any weight loss being a success - but how we feel like failures if we are not losing a certain, for the most part unattainable, amount per week. I have felt like that throughout my weight loss journey because my progress has been soooo slow! However, it is progress! I need to keep that in mind.
Other than a few close friends and my immediate family, I don't talk about my weight or eating habits with anyone.
If I'm talking to a "normal" sized person (whatever that is!) I don't talk to them about how many calories they had for breakfast or how long they worked out in a gym. If weight issues aren't a normal topic for the person I'm speaking with, I don't talk about it. I haven't lost enough yet to be noticable enough for comment, so I don't know how I'll respond when that happens. I'd like to think my response to the comments/question "Looks like you've lost weight/Have you lost weight?" would be "Yes, thanks for noticing" and then change the topic. If someone asks again, I'll discuss, but only if I know they're truly interested.
I guess I feel like it's too personal. Like, if I found out someone I've known for awhile was gay, I wouldn't be quizzing them about their new lifestyle unless invited to.
Went to an event this weekend where quite a few people remarked on my weight loss. One person who asked if I had been exercising was the same person that asked me when I was due (pregnant!) this past spring! Go figure. For some reason, I found myself getting emotional at some of "compliments." Many of the women who told me how great I look now are women who are stick skinny and really never bothered to take time to talk to me before. They are very cliquish and often make others feel they aren't worthy of their notice.
It made me feel bad to know that I wasn't worth their notice or compliments 40lbs ago, but now it's ok for them to be seen with me. So high school. But, this is the way of the world. We live in a very superficial society. I know I began my weight loss journey for health reasons, but am I playing into society's hand by losing more weight just for appearances sake? I know I like how I look better when I am thin than fat, but honestly, the compliments I got over the weekend did not make me feel good. At least, not from the people who gave them.
guacamole, I understand where you are coming from and have experienced it myself actually from both sides..I actually lost some of my overweight friends--one imparticular--and not from anything I was doing--just the fact that my body was smaller made them uncomfortable..and then, I dealt with the opposite end--thin women coming around chatting me up because I was thinner...I just don't get it..I never made a friend because of the size of her jeans and don't WANT to be a friend because of the size of MINE!
exactly - I don't make friendships based on sizes! I also am feeling very precarious and vulnerable about my weight. I feel like at any moment, particularly after a bad eating weekend like the one I just had, I could regain all the weight and go back to being fat/invisible/unworthy - whatever you want to call the state of being obese. It would be so easy to spiral downward again. I know with some of the people who complimented me over the weekend, I would lose "friendship" along with losing control over my weight.
ETA - the other thing about the compliments from these women - it didn't cost them anything to compliment me. I would estimate that they ranged in sizes between a size 0 and 4 - while I am a 14 and still overweight! You can bet if I were down to a size 2 they would NOT have been complimenting me, but giving me the evil eye and looking at me as competition. I didn't overhear any of them complimenting each other.
What is funny is that I've been very open abou it with my best friend and husband, but never discussed diet/exercise with others - ever. A year ago tomorrow I started a blog and for the first two days I kept it to myself, but then I started sharing it here and with friends on Facebook. I've been extremely open with my mental struggles this year. Yet, I still don't talk about it in day to day life with people. Only if they bring something up from my blog or if they just need to say something abut my big loss will I talk about it. I don't even think to talk about it in real life....which is odd as it is a huge part of my life right now.
Right now as I'm heading into year two of blogging (tomorrow will be one year exactly), I'm debating about posting an end of year photo in workout clothes exposing my mid section as I've joined a bathing suit challenge. I want to document my journey to getting a fitter body.... And I've learned that photos hugely help me realize how far I've come... But do I want to post that for all to see? Not so sure.
Last edited by berryblondeboys; 12-29-2011 at 10:21 PM.
I personally don't find it helpful to tell other people that I am on a diet (except here on 3FC!). I can't tell you how many times my husband has announced to me and his family and friends that he is on a diet - and he is serious this time! He loses about 20 lbs and then gives up.
Actually, even on 3FC, I have announced mini-goals that I am trying for by a certain date, only to not make it. I make it eventually, but not in the ambitious time frame I was shooting for. It's discouraging, so I have stopped making mini-goals according to goal dates.
I say, actions not words. I am just silently (in my real life) plugging away. If people notice, great. However, once you announce you are on a diet, you open yourself up to the "diet police" who feel it is now their obligation to keep you on track. So annoying! If I want to eat chocolate, that's my business. If I want to have an off plan meal or day, again, my business. So, what people don't know can't hurt YOU.
You guys are great. As a male of the species, I don't really try to hide anything, but I'm also really not into discussing it. I'm 6" 2' so I can weigh a lot without "looking" fat. But there is no doubt when I look in the mirror with my shirt off that I'm just exactly that. I told my family and my in-laws that I was going to lose weight and my father-in-law took on the challenge as well. But I didn't tell anyone else. Not that I wouldn't answer if they asked, but for me weight loss is a personal issue that really has nothing to do with anyone but me. I just keep my family and in-laws updated on my progress, to keep my FIL motivated to keep going. Besides, I don't want to discuss it ad nauseum, except on here.
Guac I'm with you. If you want to lose weight, then do it. Don't blab on about it, especially if you are only talking about it. If you are really serious about it, it will show. You won't have to tell anyone.
Speaking of lies, I heard something that I thought was funny once:
"I wear a size 34, but a 36 feels so good, I buy a 38."
Same here. I am a very private person. Also, I'm not sure if this has anything to do with it but I was always a very thin person. It wasn't until some personal trauma and getting older/slowing metabolism that I packed on the pounds. I have this huge sense of shame and truthfully hate myself at times for letting myself go. I think talking about it is horrible because it's admitting that I failed myself.
I say, actions not words. I am just silently (in my real life) plugging away. If people notice, great. However, once you announce you are on a diet, you open yourself up to the "diet police" who feel it is now their obligation to keep you on track. So annoying! If I want to eat chocolate, that's my business. If I want to have an off plan meal or day, again, my business. So, what people don't know can't hurt YOU.
I love that! I'm so inspired by you Guac and hope that I will make the same progress you have one day soon!
I love that! I'm so inspired by you Guac and hope that I will make the same progress you have one day soon!
Thank you so much! This is the first time anyone has said they are inspired by my progress, and it makes me feel so good that I be of some help. I so often have to take my inspiration from others here on 3FC, so I am glad to give back.
