Fat...47...and ready to make a change
 

Hi all, I'm checking in on this forum --- being 47...er (40-something). I had a humiliating experience that further knocked the point across that I need to do something about my weight. My husband owns a Corvette and we went to Lowes over the weekend. Instead of taking my car (Mid-life post menopausal purchase - a Mustang GT) :D Anyhoo...The Corvette seems to me to have been made for short flexible Frenchmen and unless you're 18 years old you cannot get out (or in -- for that matter) with any dignity! So I don't like getting down into the car in the first place but he wanted to take it out for a spin ---- immediately I'm thinking, "Why does he want to go in the Corvette? Doesn't he know that I feel uncomfortable in it?" But I don't say anything because we've already been "discussing" at length the issue of my weight. So in I go... The seatbelt (I know even before trying) won't go around my lap, so I don't use it.

We do the Lowes thing load the back with purchases and get into the car, and he asks: "Aren't you gonna put your seat belt on?" I burn with humiliation and begin to feel tears coming, so I growl back, "It doesn't fit!" We drive home in relative silence -- but never fear.... we visit the subject later on that evening.

So what did I learn? My husband says ---That I'm just angry and all I have to do is not put food in my mouth! Can't I do that? He's lost 25+ pounds just by not eating --- I should be able to do that, can't I?

What I felt was intense humiliation! It was just like being in High School again when the cruel kids make "mooing" noises behind my back. It just goes straight down into my heart like acid. And I wish I had the powers that Stephen King's "Carrie" had! Whew! What anger THAT is! I can't quite shake the notion that this was all to show me just how fat I am and how I need to stop putting food in my mouth and figure out how to get rid of that anger I have.

So maybe that moment made me turn the corner --- but it's anger driving it. Maybe I need to harness the anger instead of eating it? I visualize myself taking boxing lessons, and I just beat the ever lovin' **** out of a punching bag instead of eating the anger, saddness, depression, hurt, etc..... I think of poor Rocky, trying to get into shape, day after day, battle after battle to triumph --- and I put myself into that role. This is an intense white hot anger I feel and am afraid to let it out so I eat and feed it until it goes to sleep again. A terrible cycle that happens over and over again. Until I look around and am tottering just over the edge of 300 pounds. ---- This monster anger needs letting loose before it kills me.

Part of the weight loss program I am enrolling in is seeing a therapist. I think I'll take advantage of those "visits" (you get 3 or 4) and then look for some kind of physical thing like boxing --- kick boxing! And see if I can't find my inner Rocky! I'll let you know what happens! :boxing:

Welcome to the best group on 3FatChicks! We have a weekly chat thread, jump right in!

Take small steps, make changes that you can live with forever. This is not an easy journey but it can be done. Spend some time looking at the pictures of those who have made goal. It's very inspiring. Hope you find your inner Rocky!

Well, that sounds like a rotten weekend! I think the therapy sessions are a great idea; maybe your DH could use some, too?? Do find a way to put this anger to good; you're worth it!

I'm sorry your DH was insensitive to your feelings. It sucks - but you know what? Use the energy you're feeling and help it propel you towards the change that you want...

...and about that boxing thought - get Wii Fit or one of those other games and do your boxing there!

Glad to have you with us...and (hugs) -- be sure to join us on the weekly thread

Welcome to 3FC. Sorry you had such a difficult weekend but this is a great group for support. I've discovered boxing on my Wii and have found it to be great fun and a great way to get exercise as well. It may work out better than you think :lol: And those therapy sessions sound like a great idea (but I'm a little biased. I'm a shrink)

I'm sorry you felt like that on what should have been a fun outing! :hug:

Whatever else you do, remember that it's ok to have bad days or bad weeks - do not let a few days of poor choices discourage you! I have had days where I get so mad at myself for eating something I shouldn't have (and often really didn't want), but I take that feeling and turn it into a reminder of why I am doing this. I did not like feeling fat and tired and heavy and embarassed, and I will not be that person again.

We all have different reasons for starting on this journey, and different ways of handling it. Maybe a martial arts or self defense class might be the perfect thing for you!! :D Rocky on!!! :boxing:

BP

Oh so sorry you had this experience! I have been on the receiving end of many of those "discussions" and it just sucks. But this time I am taking that anger and turning it into something positive. Remember you have to do this for YOU! I have some affirmations and reminders written on notecards laying in the top of my make-up drawer so I see them first thing every morning - has helped me mentally this time!

I am also 47 and weigh 196. I am tired of not feeling normal. I want to lose weight for my health and to get out of depression. I have young children and I want to be around for them. Your posts are encouraging to me. I am depressed because since I was 15 I have been trying to lose weight. 32 years later, I am heavier than I have ever been. I am sad to think that I was never happy because of my weight. I am trying hard to think that it is not too late, or what for?, I have always failed.

I think that I would probably tape my DH's picture to the boxing bag and beat the heck out of it.