Coping with being overweight
 

I realize what I am doing is lame. But I have isolated away from friends and family because of my weight gain. I don't really want anyone who knows me to see what has become of me. I haven't even seen my father in 2 years because of this and have made excuses not to see old friends and former colleagues.

I have lost some weight and feel better about that....but it will be a few months before I am at a point that I am not completely depressed over.

Any thoughts?

You're not alone!
 

I don't know if I have any words of wisdom for you, but I can tell you that you're not alone. As my weight has gone up over the years, I have become more and more of a hermit. I avoid social gatherings because nothing looks nice and I dread running into people I haven't seen in years because I hate how much weight I've gained. I do feel a bit better since I've started losing weight. There is just so much judgement towards people who are overweight. You do find out who your true friends are. People who really love you can care about you, won't judge you based on your size. Hang in there!

I too have done things like avoid going places- I have a friend who is always at the beach and he invites me and my husband and I'm like I'll pass.

I mean really ME at the beach? In a bathing suit?! Are they crazy!?

As I've lost weight I've felt more confident and even mentioned to my husband I'd like to go bike riding at the beach- he was so amazed he went out bought me a helmet, riding gloves, a bike rack for my car, AND he's taking me to get a bike today lol!

Don't avoid your family- I'm sure they miss you very much :)

I can only speak from my own experiences. That feeling you are describing--it started leaving me after I was eating clean and taking care of myself. I still had lots of weight to lose, but I felt better about me. I started caring for myself and learning to accept myself for the very first time. Because of that, I was able to open my heart again and let the sunshine in that was always intended to be there! My suggestion is to really work your plan--nutrition wise and activity wise. Next, start caring for your body and mind like you would for someone you dearly, dearly cherished and loved.

Please let us know how things are going.

I do know the feeling, worrying about having to watch someone react to the weight you've put on, even if they don't say anything... But you need to just take the deep breath, do it, and get it over with. Your friends and family love you for you, not for your appearance. Think of how much joy and support you are missing out on...

:hug:

Please don't let your weight rob you of a life. You're entitled to one, no matter what your size.

Self-talk is a choice. You have the right and the ability to talk to yourself with kindness and respect. It'll seem a bit schizophrenic at first, but the only way to do it, is to do it.

Get out in the world and enjoy it. Join classes and clubs, meet people, catch up with old friends and make a life for yourself. You are worthy of it, and if you have to say it to youself 10,000 times a day to believe it - then do it.

Yep - I thought I was the only Queen of Negative Self-Talk before I came here and found out how prevalent it is. The good news is that we have the ability to shut that talk off and replace it ... and you will find that it is easier with each day that you treat your body well with food and exercise. In the meantime, as Wisewoman Kaplods says - get out and LIVE YOUR LIFE. There is now, and there is the future ... forgive, move on, and claim your place in the world!

Hi all
i am new here and amfeeling the exact same things. I have sheltered myself from all people except my parents. because they live in the same building.i have stopped having parties(i used to do all the occasions) and also going to parties.i am at the end of my rope.

Thank you for all the advice and thoughts everybody. I definitely do feel better when I am staying on plan with my eating and exercise. I have to get over the avoiding people part.......

Your not alone on this one. The only place I go is to work and back home. It's just an awful feeling. There are times when I don't want to get out of bed. I think that's why I work second shift. Less people.

jrsygrl--not wanting to get out of bed is a big sign of depression. And when you are depressed it is 100X harder to take proper care of yourself with eating properly and getting exercise. So it is a vicious cycle. If you are depressed I hope you consult with a doctor. I suffer from depression and I think gaining so much weight made me more depressed. I have been on a good exercise program for the past 4 months and golf 2 days a week which gets me in the sun and it helps me a lot. I just don't want to see people who will see that I gained so much weight.

Wow so many of you sound just like me, I am certainly not happy about the pain that everyone is feeling but it is kind of a relief to find people who are feeling the same way I am!

I personally think it helps with the weight loss to have those connections with family and friends, and to be out doing things, whatever it is you like. Believe me, so many people have to deal with ups and downs in their weights, and even if they don't personally, they most likely have someone close to them who does.

I just went on vacation to see relatives, and part of that involved getting on amusement park rides (something I haven't done in 20 some years), and seeing pics of myself on a big screen tv with the whole family (!!) Yes, there's a part of that I found embarrassing, but then I wouldn't trade the experience of having fun with my cousin and her little girls, and as difficult as it was looking at my beefy arms and legs on a 40" screen, I did it with people I loved and who love me, and nobody cared, we were together.

I think it's important to remember that even though you may be overweight, that isn't your IDENTITY!

For example... I might be a larger person- but you know what else? I'm also a daughter, and an aunt, and a sister, and a journalism student, and a friend, and a feminist etc etc.

There are many components that make up your identity, and I can promise you that it is THOSE things- and not your size- that make people love you.

Your friends and family don't want to see you because they think you maybe thin, they want to see you because you make them laugh or you're compassionate or you're easy to talk to (etc), and they enjoy being around you.

They love you for who you are. NOT what you look like.


I think that you will find that you will feel a lot less depressed once you open yourself up to the love and support that your friends and family want to give you.

The people in your life obviously want to spend time with you, and that tells me that you are a beautiful person :) - They can see that, now you just have to try and see it too :hug:

In many ways I was where you are when I first joined 3FC. This is a post of mine from that first week back in December. The good news is I don't feel that way now and I NEVER have to again.

You are here now and I can guarantee if you eat right and exercise you too never have to feel this way again.

Here is my post:
"I too am new to the boards but not new to going on "plan". Your current situation is much like my own before I hit this seven year all time low. In those seven years I have yo yo'd my way up to a high of 194 (last year) from 125.

I have struggled with weight issues since I was a child and I know from experience being fit changes my life for the better. Like you I have a good life; a husband that loves me unconditionally, a son & DIL that gave me a beautiful grandson, and the time and money to do what I want (within reason). But the fact is I almost never leave the house, the husband that loves me unconditionally is neglected, and if I don't change things that grandbaby will be attending his mema's funeral.

I so want this to be the last time that I feel and look this way. That is why I am here."

I sure can relate to this thread. It's not easy to get those looks from people. One thing it did tell me is who my real friends are. I was really surprised when one fairly new "friend" seemed to be quite agitated about the weight gain I had when I was depressed about a failed adoption last fall. I realized that having her in my life was not a positive thing and distanced myself from her.

Cheekiemonkey - I think that the more things you can get out and do, the better you will feel, especially if you try something new. So many of us understand how you are feeling and we are here to support you. It can help to focus on some of the goals and good things that will come out of losing weight. Maybe having more energy for hobbies or seeing some new scenery on your walks. Take care of yourself - you ARE worth it.

Wow, I have to say I haven't gotten to that point...but how heartbroken my family and I would be if my sister, who is over 300 lbs had shut us out of her life because of her weight! When we spend time with her we don't see/think about the weight she's gained. My sister is funny, smart, caring, a great sister, mom, and daughter. We didn't love her any less when she gained her weight, and now that she's had the gastric sleeve and is losing weight, we don't love her more because of it. Life is waaay to short, don't deprive yourself or your loved ones of the memories of time spent together. That lost time can't be regained!

Hello,
This is my first time posting to this website, and I am both thrilled and saddened to see that so many of us can relate to this post. Believe me, sometimes I wish I could just avoid all people, but my life just doesn't allow for it. I do, however, avoid LOTS of events and situations because of my weight and my feelings of shame. The worst of which is swimming lessons form my youngest (he won't go in the pool without me). I have cut back on all volunteering at my son's school because I can see the shock and dissappointment in so many people's faces (I lost and gained back 85#'s), One teacher actually congratulated me on my pregnancy (she was very embarrassed, I actually felt bad for her because honestly I do look pregnant). That was the day I said to myself I am no longer going anywhere I know people unless I have to. Of course that day was also part of the kick start to get me on the right track with my weight. Perhaps we really need to hit rock bottom before we can do something about it. Now everytime I think of going off track, I try to think about the humiliation, embarassment and unbearable depression I felt the day the teacher thought I was pregnant. Sorry for rambling, but I just wanted to let you know how much I understand. I know our self worth is not based on our appearance, but it can be so hard to internalize that idea on a minute by minute basis.

Yup, I have withdrawn. It's awful. i imagine everyone saying, "Wow, Joan really put on some weight."

Getting dressed to go anywhere is a tortuous exercise in camoflauge (sp). This is one of the things I hate most about my weight gain.

I laugh at this, but used to be when I went "fishing" for compliments about my weight---you know, when you say, "I've gotten so fat," etc., and wait for people to say, "Oh, you have not, you look great"....well, lately people aren't saying a word! Even my mother VERY cautiously said, "Well, you've put on a little weight..."

The other day I was looking at my wedding pix--16 years and almost 40 pounds ago--and the difference is stunning. I looked SO great, and didn't appreciate it. I want that girl back! Or at least, a slightly older, wiser version of her.

i'm like that too until i have shed my pounds then will i open up goodluck to us both on losing weight

yep, I can relate to this post. I have been avoiding people and since it has been winter here when I do go out I have been wearing a cape to cover up the fact that my jackets are bulging at the front. I'm dreading going out now the weather is warming up.

my partner is really healthy and slim, he does sport or trains every day and his friends are all fit and really active as well, they are lovely people but I feel just huge when I'm around them so I avoid going places, I think they've just stopped asking me anymore since they know what the answer will be.

I have a family wedding I have to attend in October--so I will be forced to come out of hiding from many family members. I am feeling a little better that I have shedded some weight but not quite ready to come out of hiding.

I know this is not a healthy mindset. But ****- I'm dysfunctional :-)......

Well, hopefully this will be less eventful than you fear, and then you can move on :hug: I'm sure your family will be very happy to see you, and hopefully your new-found confidence from having lost some weight will shine through.

It's still a few weeks away, which means you may have even lost a few more pounds when the time comes.

Be sure to let us know how it goes!