[guacamole]

I haven't lost enough weight that anyone (except for 1 person last weekend) has noticed. My weight loss has been so slow and gradual, and I am still very overweight, that it is not a topic of conversation.

However, I have a friend who lost a tremendous amount of weight this year and it is a huge topic of conversation and exclamations when people see her. I know that she is thrilled with her accomplishment and she looks great. However, I would think it would be very embarrassing to have people gushing over how thin you are now - because that reinforces and reminds people how fat you were then.

When I lose all the weight, I want it to be so slow that people don't even remember the fat me I am today. I want new people I meet to only know me as thin, not have old friends constantly reinforcing I used to be fat. It's like having a banner on your forehead - "Former Fatty!" I just want to put this whole episode behind me.

Does that make sense?

[ilbnej]

100%. Totally.

I am hoping that as my loss becomes obvious that folks limit how many times they comment on it, as well as limit their comments to something like "you look great" or "whatever you're doing is working".

Not something that sounds like or implies "wow, you looked so terrible for so long, its nice to see you almost a human shape again". And not constantly - as though my weight is and always has been the only thing they've ever noticed about me or cared about, and they are just so thankful that I'm no longer embaressing to them that they just have to keep mentioning it over and over.

But for the record I feel the same way when someone effusively tells me how good I look (weight related or otherwise). All I can think is, do I normally look so bad that when I dress up a little it is worth gushing over?

And when I find myself doing it to someone else, I usually will stop, pause and make a joke of it - "you always look good, but tonight you look especially nice".

[eliz204to126]

I agree with you. A few years ago, I had lost 40 lbs (since have gained back over 20) and people would notice and say things - I'm sure out of encouragement - that were received negatively. I think to myself...if you feel the need to encourage me about this weight loss, what is that saying about what you thought about me before? I don't mind the "you're looking good" but the "OMG!! how much have you lost? You're getting so much thinner! etc etc" comments really bite. I like your idea of losing slowly so that people don't notice so much.

[Harriette]

yes it makes sense! I have had this problem recently - yesterday no fewer than 10 people exclaimed "You are getting so thin!" and several people (at a business meeting) would not shut up about it. It's Very! nice to get compliments, do not misunderstand! BUT there is a time and a place and I am trying hard to become a thin person in my head which is hard enough without constant reminders of how fat I was

It's a bit weird since I have not actually lost any weight recently (2 lbs last month) but I guess I am getting smaller since I am getting more and more comments.

I just wish people would exclaim and then move on to more important things like business meeting topics. yes thanks I am beautiful and thin, now back to your regular programming.

[bargoo]

Like it or not it will happen. Especially people who haven't seen you for awhile. They really mean well. Just say thanks and change the conversation, In time it will stop.

[rubidoux]

I have a similar issue, which is that I feel both like I'm excited about my weight loss and like talking about it and like it being noticed AND I feel like it should be perfectly okay for me to be at my previous high weight, too. Almost like I don't want to admit that I was messed up before -- and I still don't really believe I was/am. If I want to be 5'0" and 214 pounds, or if I am that weight and it is impossible to change it, then I that should be a valid choice and there should even be people who run over and gush about how great I look once in a while. lol

I get the feeling of the comments making you feel like you must have looked terrible before. That does cross my mind, but I kinda push it down. I know I didn't look great.

Ya know, I am sure that your weight loss is obvious, btw. You and I are just about on the same track stat-wise, except you're taller which probably does make a bit of difference. But I am pretty sure there's a night and day difference in the way I look. People I don't know treat me way differently. Men are smiling at me (which is so odd). I see a huge difference. I wonder if you're putting out a vibe that you don't want people to mention it. Which is fine, if you don't... It's none of their business! But if you feel a little disappointed (even though I know part of you doesn't want comments, another part of you might), I'm sure it's not that they don't notice.

[guacamole]

"Ya know, I am sure that your weight loss is obvious, btw. "

It seems like it should be, but for some reason it isn't. I know that it isn't because all of my clothes from my highest weight still fit me (they are just a little looser), and when I told my MIL, who accompanied me to the overeaters anonymous meeting, that I had already lost 29 lbs, she just kind of looked at me blankly, as if to say, "Really, where did you lose it?"

[Tonia]

I'm not sure I can say this well, but here goes....

I totally get what you are saying, 100%! I finally came to the place where I couldn't care about what others said and I had to do this for me. Also, I began to realize that when I view people I don't think of them in terms of size so I chose to believe that they don't think of me as "Tonia, that really fat chick.".

And, the fact is, when we lose weight we DO look good! I think people go on and on and on because it is so hard for most of us to stay focused.

Stay focused!

[my2cats]

I am a huge smartass usually so I can get away with this - but in the past I dealt with it something like:

Random person: "Wow, have you lost weight? You look great!"
Me: "Thanks! You know, I think it's the crystal meth, I'm just hardly ever hungry!"

And then there's the slightly awkward pause and then they start laughing and we move on to something else.

[kelly315]

I think it just takes time. Your old friends will get over the novelty of it eventually, and if they're good friends, all you have to do is say something about how it bothers you when they talk about your weight.

[guacamole]

Like the crystal meth line!

I think if a close friend said to me privately that I looked good, I would be thrilled.

I have been thinking about it, and here is what I think I am feeling...and it doesn't say anything great about me.

So, my friend who lost all this weight, has been struggling ever since I have known her (about 18 years) to lose weight. She would always take off some pounds, but always put it back on. She is a very private person and never talked too much about her struggles, but I know the weight really bothered her. She is very wealthy and sylish and her weight didn't seem to suit her, "Lifestyle of the Rich and Famous," so to speak.

When I saw her a few months back, she was at the lowest weight I have ever seen her at, and a few months prior, she had looked as she always did. I saw her at a party and everyone was gushing and asking how she did it. She says all she did was eliminate white flour and sugar from her diet.

After knowing her so many years, and seeing all the fad diets she has tried, I find it hard to believe that in the space of say, 6 months-1 year, a person could lose at least 100lbs (that's probably what we're talking) just by eliminating white flour and sugar. I could be wrong. However, my guess is that she took the plunge and had some sort of weight loss surgery, but doesn't want to admit it.
Again...just a theory...could be wrong...and I do feel guilty for doubting that she lost the weight just by exercise and diet modification. Now a bunch of people are trying to follow her diet advice without much luck, and I am wondering if it because she gave them false information?

So, maybe I am afraid that people will think I had surgery, or think that I did it so quickly that it's only a matter of time before the weight returns...all the things I am thinking about my friend.

I know I sound like a jealous and horrible person, and maybe I am.

[snorkelmom]

Yeah, I'm waiting for the Weight Watchers lady at work to notice that I've lost weight. She was grilling my coworker a couple days ago. We're both on Optifast, and the WW lady has been on maintenance for over 10 years and is a little judgmental about any other plan. She was pummeling my friend with questions, making me feel like it's only a matter of time until I get that "look". Like I'm cheating somehow. She's just that type of person. Not looking forward to her noticing.

[sunflowers8890]

I always comment when I notice someone is losing a good amount of weight, but I don't make a big fuss over it. I comment because I am heavy myself, and I am just curious to see what has been working for them. I always seem to get genuine answers, like they are happy I noticed and that I asked.

Does it make a difference to you if it is an overweight person... asking because they seek encouragement themselves, vs. a 'skinny' person, who has never dealt with the struggle of losing weight?

I have one friend who is a bubbly little fitness queen. She is always dishing out advice to me & another pal who is also overweight. We confided in each other that we know she means well, but sometimes we'd like for her to just shut up

[my2cats]

Well this is just going to make me sound neurotic - but if someone thinner than me compliments me it makes me feel self-conscious about the weight I have yet to lose. If someone larger compliments me, I feel slightly awkward talking about it (though I realize because they're larger doesn't mean they are self-conscious.. but I think it's because I always am/was?).

This is really only for people I don't know very well - from close friends / family I'm comfortable enough that their intentions are good that I just feel good about it.

[cherrypie]

people can't win one day there is a thread here about how no one is saying anything and the next day a thread about how people are.