You know...i came on here to this forum in the first place..looking for encouragemet in support..the kind i dont ever get at home...And NOT 1 person knows what my life looks like or what i have been through in the past..
Well i think its nice of you to say "Oh we arent trying to bully you..we are jus concerned"... Im sorry..but you need to re-read what you said and look at it from my perspective..cause truly... You are encouraging failure by your comments not support..
My entire life i had people say "try this diet, do this diet..how bout this diet" and time and time again i failed on each and every single diet..and to the point where i have gotten as big as i have.. There has not been 1 person that has believed that i could stick to a diet plan of any kind.. I came onto 3fc..looking for support..hoping that i would be surrounded by people who say "you can do it..keep going..keep pressing in".. and instead im hearing the same thing "maybe you should ask if this is the right diet for you...maybe you should think twice..maybe it doesnt fit your lifestyle".....
Well i got news for you...I'm a freaking broken person who has issues and any diet is going to work..but because im broken and i have issues and i have lived like this for years..its not going to change over night..and if you cant handle me venting or expressing my depression or my feelings about how i feel regarding said diet..then dont read it..Cause i have no one to talk to or share my feelings.. and i thought by sharing how i felt..i would find others who undestood..and right now..im finding that im getting a lot more discouragement... You might not think it sounds discouraging..you might think its tough love...But really..they dont..in fact..it does the opposite..it sends me spiraling into the world of " oh my god..ive failed..why dont i just give up now..cause obviously no one else thinks i can do it....why do i bother to try anymore"...
I am trying my Fing hardest on this diet...and yes i fail and i make mistakes but you know what..im still getting up in the morning and trying again...and trying again and trying again..because i dont quit..im not quitting..And if you think that this "program" isnt right for me...well.. your wrong.. Ive lost 13 pounds already...thats more than i ever have on any diet in my life..and i have not gone up even with cheating...and while i regret my poor choices...i know that im human and im working through those underlying issues that goes along with it..But i am not giving up...
So i just thought i would let "you" know...that maybe next time you try tough love..you should consider trying a little tact too...and thinking about how the other person my feel regarding what you say...
Do you want people to coddle you? Or do you want someone to tell you NOT to have the donut when you insist you're doing it no matter what? I am confused on what kind of support you want and why you're misdirecting your anger toward a community of well-intended supporters.
I hope that you are getting professional help outside of this Forum to help you deal with these feelings, and I would never make that suggestion as a taunt or take it lightly.
I don't know you, but I came across two of your posts this morning (through New Posts) - and I really just want to say that you should look closely at the way you phrase things. You seem to be in the defensive and victimize yourself.
You can't be a victim unless you let yourself be!
Goodluck on your journey, I hope you reach the goals you set yourself and I hope you can see the value in advise given. Nobody on this forum is here to make others feel bad.
You know...i came on here to this forum in the first place..looking for encouragemet in support..the kind i dont ever get at home...And NOT 1 person knows what my life looks like or what i have been through in the past..
Well i think its nice of you to say "Oh we arent trying to bully you..we are jus concerned"... Im sorry..but you need to re-read what you said and look at it from my perspective..cause truly... You are encouraging failure by your comments not support..
My entire life i had people say "try this diet, do this diet..how bout this diet" and time and time again i failed on each and every single diet..and to the point where i have gotten as big as i have.. There has not been 1 person that has believed that i could stick to a diet plan of any kind.. I came onto 3fc..looking for support..hoping that i would be surrounded by people who say "you can do it..keep going..keep pressing in".. and instead im hearing the same thing "maybe you should ask if this is the right diet for you...maybe you should think twice..maybe it doesnt fit your lifestyle".....
Well i got news for you...I'm a freaking broken person who has issues and any diet is going to work..but because im broken and i have issues and i have lived like this for years..its not going to change over night..and if you cant handle me venting or expressing my depression or my feelings about how i feel regarding said diet..then dont read it..Cause i have no one to talk to or share my feelings.. and i thought by sharing how i felt..i would find others who undestood..and right now..im finding that im getting a lot more discouragement... You might not think it sounds discouraging..you might think its tough love...But really..they dont..in fact..it does the opposite..it sends me spiraling into the world of " oh my god..ive failed..why dont i just give up now..cause obviously no one else thinks i can do it....why do i bother to try anymore"...
I am trying my Fing hardest on this diet...and yes i fail and i make mistakes but you know what..im still getting up in the morning and trying again...and trying again and trying again..because i dont quit..im not quitting..And if you think that this "program" isnt right for me...well.. your wrong.. Ive lost 13 pounds already...thats more than i ever have on any diet in my life..and i have not gone up even with cheating...and while i regret my poor choices...i know that im human and im working through those underlying issues that goes along with it..But i am not giving up...
So i just thought i would let "you" know...that maybe next time you try tough love..you should consider trying a little tact too...and thinking about how the other person my feel regarding what you say...
After this post, you are going to school me on tact? Look at the title of your thread...
You seem to know the answer to all of your issues... "we are wrong because ...." Dont ask for the advice if you do not want it. You have a very sour attitude and it is posts like this that taint the forums. It's quite unfortunate and I do not feel sorry for you in the slightest. We are all battling the same thing... we all have depression about our weight. We all have to deal with the consequences of cheating. You need to get off this pity party and deal with your own actions. Grow up.
This is the second post from you that I have read this morning. I have never read anything like them here before.
We are all responsible for every choice we make, every action we take. We can learn from others but they don't control our lives.
You sound very angry and while it's convenient to blame others for what's gone wrong in your life, you need to take responsibility. Others here struggle, fall, get up and keep going; they use the inspiration and advice they find here to help them in their personal weight loss journey.
i find it interesting and impressive that you have received compassionate responses to your posts despite the language you used. Wonderful people here on 3FC...hope you will avail yourself of their kindness and wisdom.
Honestly? You came here for help and we gave it. We are all going through the same thing so if you expected to get babied you came to the wrong place. We all have hard times and stressful situations but when we started we knew this was a no cheat diet. When new people come to the board and read posts like yours it turns them away from the diet so we don't need all that negativity. What if it could've saved their life but you put a bad taste in their mouth? And even if you are losing or not gaining as you say, it's not good for your body to go in and out of ketosis. Maybe you haven't reached ketosis yet with all the cheating though. I admire you for not quitting but I still don't think this is the right diet for you.
Last edited by ItsAboutTime; 07-19-2011 at 09:05 AM.
Sometimes it's very hard to now exactly the type of support that others are looking for. With an online forum, you get what you get. Some people are all "tough love" and others are more "soft love..." Of course we don't know exactly what you are going through in your life, because we all see things through the lens that is our own experience.
That said, people are really trying to help you in their own way.
Keep in mind that you will succeed if you keep picking yourself up and dusting yourself off...
The problem with this diet, though, is that a cheat will set you back several days, because your body has to get back into ketosis. That means that you have to be good for three days in a row just to get back where you were before you cheated. Then you get frustrated with the lack of progress, which makes you want to cheat more. It's a vicious cycle... and you will likely end up going completely off the program if you do this.
This program really is a way out from all of that, but you have to trust it and let it work.
Ask yourself this. Can you commit to a full week without cheating? IF you are hungry, have an extra restricted packet... that isn't going to hurt you. Stay away from places where there are food triggers. Rather than trying to deal with those situations at first, just remove yourself completely from them. Decline invitations to eat out... until you get on track. Get tunnel vision, just for one week. Then, see how you feel. See what you weigh. Decide at that point if you can do another week.
I know that you are frustrated and angry and probably more than fed up. Please remember that we all want you to succeed. You have already succeeded by learning a lot about yourself, your food triggers, what drives you to cheat, etc. Just keep going!
Seems like you want to give up. Not to sound harsh, but maybe you should seek councelling to deal with the bigger issues or you won't be successful. I know this, I got to be 260lbs because I didn't dig deeper. Best of luck to you.
Wow. There is obviously a lot going on and I am sorry you are not finding the type of support you are looking for on here. Nobody here is a trained therapist but, rather, we are all dieters, on the same diet, striving to improve our lives, one day at a time. With that said, I have a few thoughts. I will not couch my words in fear of upsetting you further but rather am going to offer a couple of suggestions:
1) Create your own thread on here, one thread, like a blog (I am too new to 3FC to know if there is a blog section). You can vent and vent and vent, you can express yourself in the ways you deem fit. You can state WHAT kind of response you want in your very FIRST post on that thread so that people can decide whether or not they want to read it and wether or not they can offer what you need. I think posting in multiple places the same or similar things that are soaked in negativity is not going to receive a positive response for too long because perhaps these are not the best venue for it. Does that make sense? I don't mean to discourage you from posting, but think rather you might receive MORE of the type of support you are seeking if you express yourself in the most appropriate place. Why don't you try creating this place to see if that doesn't work better. The other benefit to creating a single thread where you post is that you can use it as a therapeutic tool and look back and read what you are writing from day to day, perhaps learn from your struggles etc.
2). Obviously you don't like this answer, but perhaps this really is NOT the diet for you. I say this not because I am judging you or think you have failed etc. This is coming from someone else who debates whether this is the diet for me. I have been asking a lot on the forums and browsing to make this determination. I am tring to look at it honestly like, can I NOT cheat? Can I comfortably live on this level of calories? Can I give up exercise for this long? It is a very appropriate suggestion to ask you to do the same - look at your personality, your lifestyle, your desires, etc. and try to decide if this is really going to be where you achieve the most success. Success is measured not only by weight loss, but by how you enjoy and learn from the process! I am just guessing, but since cheating completely defeats this diet I think that is why people may be suggesting this may not be the right plan for you. I don't mean that in judgment but simply to point out that the try and try again approach you reference above isn't doing you any favors and you will not see results so, in the end, you are spending time, money, energy on a diet that may not result in the fat loss intended because of the diversions. BUT there are plenty of other diets that WILL continue to work notwithstanding some cheats. For example, you could use myfooddiary.com and just count calories. YOu can actually eat whatever you want provided you are within your calories. Now, I am not saying I suggest substituting whole foods for donuts or something but you CAN do both and succeed if that is, in fact, what you choose to do. Perhaps something where you can eat whatever food you want provided you limit the calories is the best place to start. It wll create an awareness of your nutrition, your habits, etc. You will be aware of every bite. Anyway, there are many other programs that can help you modify your eating habits in the "try and try again" approach while still allowing you to see results if you stay within their less rigid parameters.
3) It is fine to say you are hurt and disappointed in the responses you have gotten but I suspect you are angry because you know there is truth in the words. Sometimes the truth hurts. Rather than yelling at everyone else, I think spending some time thinking about WHY you are so upset might be beneficial. Are you upset because nobody patted you on the back and said "It's ok if you do yourself a disservice and eat bad things"? I don't think you will find that here. People are going to encourage you to stick to the protocol, and discourage you from self-destructive behaviors. If that is not hte type of support you are looking you may be sorely disappointed by this site.
Anyway, these are just the ramblings of a well intentioned person who is taking this diet one day at a time as well. Take a deep breath, take a good look at your goals and how you plan on getting there, take in everything offered and just let go of advice you do not find helpful but don't "bite the hand that feeds you" by lashing out at the advice givers you keep seeking advice from regardless of your lack of appreciation of certain words.
Height: 5'-2" - 41 years old - 2015 Reboot: 165.4/136.0/135
There is so much more going on here than "not receiving the kind of support" you want from this forum. It goes so much deeper than anyone here is fit to help you with. Good luck with whatever you decide to do, but I really, truly hope that you will talk to a professional and get down to the root of your issues.
This post makes me sad...very sad. We are all responsible for our decisions, for our path on this weight loss and maintenance journey. If you give up who do you hurt? We are here to give support and help and while I have been here I have been given my fair share for which I am extremely grateful.
You have to look inside OP and be brutally honest with yourself. Until you do this you will forever be going around the same moutain and lashing out at those who wont join your pity party.
You know I have read quite a few of your posts over the last few months and as harsh as it sounds, I think you really need grow up. It is everybody's fault but yours and nobody helps you losing weight. Sorry, but that's not how it works. Only you can do it. Nobody can lose weight for you. Losing weight is not easy, needs hard work and can't be done overnight.
I saw your posts, you hop from diet to diet and never stick with any for long. Sometimes switching from one to another in only a few days. It takes time and determination to lose weight, switching programs will only confuse you and your body.
You say: "...but because im broken and i have issues and i have lived like this for years..."
Everybody has issues and all of us have lived like this for years (assuming you are talking about being overweight or obese). Guess what? You gained for years, you might have to work on losing for years!
Folks here have shown you support and encouraged you in every thread I have seen! And I have never seen anybody bullying you. Suggesting different options is advice, people don't follow your stories from thread to thread so they don't know your history. Don't expect them to know more than what you write in that ONE post. We can't look at your situation from your perspective (that's what you are asking for in this thread). But let me tell you, you are not the only one who encounters road blocks and hardship here. It is not smooth sailing for everybody else but you. I have seen quite tragic stories here and they receive great support and encouragement here and succeed. It is possible!
I have only seen people supporting each other here and I can say it sure helps me. It makes me sad and angry to see posts like this. We have wonderful people here and a great community that is very successful. I can't see how 3FC can discourage anybody!
I think you need professional help (instead or maybe on top of what this forum and its members can provide).
Why dont i just F****ng give up then????
