Sorry, must be selfish and post some of the continuing saga....as you may have noticed, things with b/f have been really good! Awesome good in fact. But then this thing happened, and although its still good, I feel badly.....let me know what you think:
After work I was really excited about U2 and I wanted to cook dinner, have short napand head
to concert, so me and b/f went to get his stuff from his place, hung out for a bit went to my place, I
cooked dinner and then we had a very very short nap and left for the concert. On the way, we
started talking about fashion and he was saying that Calgary fashion was horrible and worse than
St. John....I said whatever, I have seen those pics of yours and there is some bad dressing going
on...and it was all fun and in jest - nothing malicious. And then he said What Pictures, I said
your photo albums...and he was like, well, who are you referring to. Well, of course, I was
thinking the ex, she dresses really badly....like a 40 year old. Anyway, I was not looking to be
mean to her, even though I wish she'd die, but whatever. I went on and said, oh, no one in
particular. He said, more guys or girls, and I said, well, girls I guess and he said "like who, my
sister?" and I said...no, she is just casual dresser girl, sort of sporty like. And he was like, then
who? So fianlly I said,the ex. and he was like, I thought you were going to say that. I was
less than impressed that he would assume that, but she is a bad dresser. THe arguement went
on and he said that I am not a good dresser either and that although I am the best dresser he
knows in Calgary, that I shouldn't insult others. I waslike, look, it was in jest, we were just
playing with eacother and you are just being sensitive b/c its her. And he said, no I am just
disappointed b/c you are being petty....and I was a bit emotional so I said "Well, I didn't mean to
be mean to her style, but she is a bad dresser, and of course, I don't like her either." And he
was like, why don't you like her, you don't know her. I said, if she gets over you adn moves on
and stops phoning constantly I will. and then we were in the Saddledome so I stopped the
conversation.
U2 INTERLUDE: We didnt talk much before the show....then I forgot all about it during U2 -
and it was AMAZING!!! I loved that I could see Larry's face really good, he is sucha hottie,
and b/f got into it, esp the slow songs and acouple that he knew. They did two encores and bono
wasn't as much of a ham as he usually is. It was a cool stage too - had ramps so there were
people all around.....I got some good pics too b/c they did the first song with the lights on.
When we left we didnt' talk about it and he held my hand to the car and at the elevator he gave
me a big hug and kiss. I was in the bathroom and when I came out he was in bed and he was all
snuggly and then I said "about what I said, I know it was inappropriate and I am sorry that I
offended you." and he said "that's alright I know you are bitter about her but I know you are
trying to get over that and you had a relapse." I asked if he thought less of me and he said no. I
guess that was good. He was very sweet this morning too and kissy, drove me to work again
even though I could walk pretty well.
But it does bother me.....I am pissed at myself that I said that and let it get to where it sounded
like I was just being a *****. And I didn't mean to, but she was my primary example.....The
worst part is that she hadn't even come up for weeks. I guess I need to take a step back and
refocus and then not mention that again. I feel bad for it, and I almost ruined the night. and I am so jealous of that girl. and I hate it. I mean, I know that she is far far away and they have not been "together" (I mean in a physical sense) ina year (this month, how lame am I?) but I still hate that she calls and that he calls her. I mean, I know the phone only showed a couple of one minute calls, but they are always on nights that I am not there and there were several in a row - one at 5:54, next at 6:07, next at 6:20. Like, come on buddy, she isn't answering the phone, move on. But no long conversations which indicates that the long ones are when she calls, like 2 Saturday's ago, she phoned while I was there (as you may also recall). I don't know, I feel like just when I start to feel confident, something happens like this. Maybe I am just ina bad mood, over tired and stuff.
GRRRRRR.
Anyway, I think I'll take tonite "off" and do some laundry that I have been putting off and get to
bed really early. We will be spending lots of weekend time together, so I need that (and so
does he I think!)
Well, anyway, I better get some work done, this is a novel!!!
Thanks for listening to me vent, I needed that.
Belle