[momof4under5]

FROM Chubbykins Posted in the May
Hey all! I hope you are alright.

I'm doing fairly ok atm. My only problem is, I started eating low carb five days ago and my apetite is totaly gone. And by that I mean I do NOT want to eat period. I forcefeed myself anyways of course. I didn't have any pains or anything, I simply am totaly bored of food. I'm starting to fear its the depression again, now attacking just another thing I used to like and ruining it for me. Why can't I just find a healthy ballanced mindset for once? I am really trying.

Best wished to you all!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thought Id start up the June chat. I copied Chubbykins post since she just posted in may's.. that way everyone can read it !!

Leaving for the beach in t-40hours !!!!!! Lots to do before then ....trying not to stress just trying to get stuff done ! My son swallowed a penny two nights ago so I was told I had to "slice" his poop until I find it...well the first poop I gagged and bout threw up my lunch and a friend said ohh no he swallowed he slices...I kinda like that idea so today I had him check his own poop and he looked at me like what ...i was like I AM SERIOUS I DIDNT SWALLOW THE PENNY YOU DID !!!! lol I hope it comes out before the beach lol!!

Anyways husband was a jerk last night and I about put a whole in the wall and threw his food at him . Thats about it!!! Hope everyone is having a good day !!

[bonnie2009]

mom-have a wonderful time at the beach.

I have been feeling somewhat sorry for myself but feeling better now. I hope the feeling "holds" feeling sorry for myself is never a good thing.

Everyone have a wonderful Friday!

[me4life]

hope you don't mind me joining. btw...i had the same reaction when did low carb unfortunately i also realized i wasnt going to the bathroom at all...lack of fiber i guess. as soon as i added some fiber back my appetite came right back.

[momof4under5]

oh my gosh stressed OUT!!!! we are to leave for the beach tonight and the check that comes on the 3rd today wasnt sent out until today....so stressful...luckly the lady we rent off for the beach is going to let us pay once the check clears the bank...but wayyy stressful!!!

[marie81]

Hi everyone, sorry i have been quite of late, i am having a bad time with things my sister has gone back to her boyfriend fingers crossed it works out this time.
i dont know what i am doing anymore and i feel so sad, i over dosed last night on my AD's and sleepers, i cant remember a thing just i wanted to get out of this crappy life. my husband has been telling me what happened but i have no memory of anything and its quite embarrassing.
I need help real help this time not just pills maybe to go away and get better but i am worried i will lose my job if i do.
Iv been asleep for the last 24hours now im awake but i feel strange, i keep thinking that maybe the pills worked and any moment now im going to die of internal bleeding or something, i would welcome it, i just want to give up.

[Chubbykins]

Omg Marie!
Go get help immediately. Perhaps even consider joining a treatment center?
If you're so far that you have suicide attempts you need to do something or it might be too late.

The doctors will know what to do hopefully. Don't leave it!

[Aunty Jam]

Marie - Your health is a lot more important then your job. Please go to a medical center and tell them how you are feeling, they will help you.

Mom - Did you find the penny? I haven't been to a beach in years, hope you can de-stress.

Vermont - If you're a doody-head what am I? This is the first personals I've done in quite a while. I've been keeping fish steady for about 12 years and on and off before that. I went as far as to sell off the extra tanks and stuff that I had. Mostly they don't have names except for my betta, a few large cichlids and some of the dwarf puffers. I also have 3 different types of freshwater shrimp and several kinds of aquatic plants (yep, total geek). I used to be really excited about it... always planning my next tank (much to my husbands disgust). But I can't get excited about it anymore. Really I don't get excited about anything anymore.. it's all just to much trouble. I'm thinking it's probably the depression talking and I don't want to do anything drastic I'll regret... but at the same time it's so hard to give a damn. I wish I had a bike to go riding with you... it sounds like a good time.

Bonnie - Glad you're better.

Hi to our new people, sorry to not include everyone in personals... I'm still quite lethargic.

I snapped at my step d last night... I was dying my hair and I made a mess as usual and she says "Why don't you have it done at a salon?" I freaked out and told her she didn't understand how little money we had. I wanted to keep ranting but I threw my books and headed for the shower. She went out and told her dad "I think I said something wrong but I don't kow what..." She keeps saying "I'm 18 now" whenever we don't agree with anything and I've just decided fine... she wants to be an adult, she can know these things now. Hubby has kept her so sheltered from our money problems it is unreal. When the gas was turned off he told her there was something wrong with the lines and the city couldn't fix it until whenever and sent her to stay with his mom. She wants extras, snacks for lunchs, help getting her grad pictures, ring etc... nothing bad, but while she's asking for these things inside I'm saying "Fine, as long a you don't want to eat next week..." or "the phones will be cut off but of course, I'll buy you blueberry eggos and chip snack packs for lunch...". I know I shouldn't have snapped but I just lost my head. Today I told my husband he HAS to tell her how it is. If it wasn't for my family and their house (that we live in - parents had to move out for health reasons) we'd be homeless because her father hasn't had a job in over 2 years now.

So I got drunk on friday and got really ambitious. I got a message from my activity tracker (Runkeeper) that I haven't been active lately... "Are you taking a break? Get your motivation back by setting a goal!" So I got the calander down and wrote up a running plan to get me to 10k, problem is it starts out to much to soon. But now I've got it all written down and people look at it and say "What's this?" and I'll be constantly reminded of failure because I don't think my body can do it. The spirit is willing, the flesh is weak, I have a problem with the IT band of my left knee and a lack of time.

One good thing... yay.. something good. I'm getting hypnotized again on Wednesday. It's a weight loss thing, I loved it the first time and it really really helped. I got a half off coupon emailed to me so I asked my mom to lend me the money temporarily (I hope). My weight is up but maybe this will help get me out of my funk.

[Aunty Jam]

Wow for a lethargic person I can really rant hey.

[ems81wales]

sorry to hear your unwell marie you need to go see a doctor and see about seeing a specialist or something to help you. losing your life is not worth it think of your children they need you and wouldnt want to loose there mum i really hope you can get the help you need. Good luck and if you ever need to chat just message me on here xxx

Aunty jam good luck with the 10k training

Im not feeling to good im full of a cold i think im run down after the exams lol hope your all well xxx

[bonnie2009]

Marie, please get some help. I only know you through this thread but you seem like such a warm and caring person with a tremendous amount of responsibility on her shoulders. Get some help you can always get another job. I know if you do that you will be glad you did and I know all of your loved ones will also.

Aunty Jam, hoping things are better with your step d. Good luck with your running plan.

[Jynxmekrazy]

It's 4:30am and I haven't gotten any sleep. My sleeping schedule is so messed up right now because I've been stressed about my ex. It seems like that's all I ever think about nowadays. It makes me sick....actually it did make me sick! I was diagnosed with Bell's Palsy a week ago!

I don't know how I'm managing to deal with this break up (we were together for 4 years) and also this stupid Bell's Palsy together. I feel like when I try to better myself something just has to push me down even more. I don't understand?? I know life isn't suppose to be easy but why does life has to be so hard on me??

Apparently, the only way I can get better is if I get some much needed rest and be stress free. But I can't. My sleeping schedule is so messed up that I have no clue what I'm going to do. I tried to stay up all day until 10pm but that never works. Sleeping pills are out of the question since I'm already taking steroids for my Bell's Palsy.

I also just keep thinking about my ex. It's been 2 weeks since I've last spoken to him. It frustrates me so much because he's paying for my phone bill. We have a plan together and he's always paid for it. He told me he would leave it on because he wanted to check up on me. Ok?? It's been 2 weeks. Why haven't you called or at least texted me??

I wish this Bell's Palsy would go away. I feel like this is just bringing me down so much. I already have a low self esteem and now that I have this...I won't go anywhere. I'm just stuck at home. I'm too scared of what others think of me. My ex has no clue that I even have this. He thinks I'm living a good life because that's what I told him 2 weeks ago. Little does he know, this relationship made me sick and I feel like I'm not even getting any better whatsoever.


I'm trying to think positive but sometimes...I just get depressed. It's hard.

[marie81]

Hi everyone, and thanks for what you have all been saying.
when i am feeling normal like i do today, when i say normal i mean not in one of my funny bipolar trances, i am depressed but i would never want to kill myself.
I thought i had it all under control i hadnt had an episode for a while then i went mental. the only good thing to come out of it is that i kinda understand whats triggers it.
Its so sad its spending time with my husband that does it, and i realize how sad my life has become, then its like something comes over me and i sneak off and take a load of pills i dont tell anyone i just wait hoping it will all end soon. husband guessed as i was acting strange, i cant remember a thing from taking the pills to waking up in the sofa 10 hours later.
Its not me its the illness, i really cant just go and book myself in a clinic because of work if I lose my job i will loose where i live and i am not willing to do that to my girls, if work even find out i am bipolar i have lost my job as i lied on the HR forms
I am lossing faith in medical help as i seam to be worse now then before i started back on the pills.
I just dont know what to do. with a bit of luck i hope i will not have another episode for a while.

Anyway i wont go on, hope everyone is doing better then me xxx

[bonnie2009]

Marie, hang in there.

[VermontMom]

Oh marie I am so sorry that you were feeling that badly!!! I can see how you feel you can't check into anywhere...I hope so much that you never have another episode like that. This is so hard but you think its being sad and despondent about your relationship with your husband that brings it on? I hope/hope/hope you are doing a little better, hon!!! I know it doesnt' seem like our place to tell you what to do...but you know how devastated your girls would be. If only to hang in there for the thought of not leaving them, hang in there honey!!

Aunty Jam, lol @ your lethargy thank you for the fish info. I don't know anything about them, but obviously you do..and at some time you really cared about them..of course the financial restraints would curb your enthusiasm for a possibly expensive hobby...and yes the damned depression takes away our interest in things that used to interest us. That is nuts (if i may say so) about DH lying to his daughter to such extremes! especially if she is an adult now she has to handle it. I'm sorry what she said (about going to the salon) was so clueless and it made you go grrr.

Mom0f4, thanks for starting the June chat and how is/was the beach? did you have to travel far? OMG at having to poop-slice!! I think I would just try to 'trust in nature' to take care of things!! would a metal detector work if you could borrow one????

bonnie, I hope you are feeling better, i see that it was almost a week ago but I hope you are better now

hi ems, so you are done with exams? sorry that you're run down and have a cold, rest and drink lots of tea

hi to the new people! please know that this is a safe place to come and vent.

except for my stupid knees hurting so much, I am doing great. loving summer, loving the summer job, love that I have a motorcycle again I am thinking back a few months when I remember, that I did not care if the next day came or not. SO glad I don't feel that way now!!!

[VermontMom]

Chubbykins, I'm sorry that your appetite is not what it should be! hope it smoothes out for you.