Hey girls!
Ok I will come out and say it.. I have a big big fear that might have contributed to my inability to lose weight. Here goes: I have always assumed (until fairly recently) that if I just lost the extra weight, I would look fabulous. I could wear this or that etc.
However it occured to me that I will probably weigh less but I would look terrible naked. Where will all this extra skin go?
For now I am very firm in most areas. After the twin pregnancy though my belly just exploded, especially after we started the cortisone rounds for the babies' lungs. My boys were front and back in my uterus and even though I did NOT gain a single pound other than the babies of course, during the pregnancy, I was left with a HUGE hanging belly after they were out. Do not laugh, it was a piece of meat hanging down to my my .... ehm... girly parts once they were out.
I never had a belly before being pregnant. A few months after that, when I started gaining, the pouch filled with fat so everyone who sees me now, thinks I am pregnant.
My arms and upper body are not really that fat. You would say "chubby" but since I am pear shaped, most of the fat is in my belly and thighs/butt.
Plastic surgery costs a ton of money and our insurance won't cover it and we can't afford it... and I won't even speak about the stretch marks the pregnancy (and most importantly, the sudden explosion of my belly growth due to cortisone) left me with. They start from my c-section scar to over my belly button and i am not talking 3-4 marks here...
So basically, I now realize I have ruined my body forever even if I do lose the weight
No matter how much less I weigh, I will never be able to wear a bikini...and my husband will never come near me again. Thankfully I am relatively healthy, no hypertension, no cardiac problems, no cholesterol etc. But I now think that you cannot undo everything weight gain has done to you... can you? (other than plastic surgery I mean).
I am less worried about my arms and thighs because I knwo for a fact with a little exercise, I will be fine. I don't even have stretch marks on my limbs... but there is NO way THAT much skin on my belly will "shrink" back. Ok maybe a little will but girls, we are talking, MASSIVE belly... and let's NOT mention breasts ok?
So I think one of my big hang-ups has been this... At least now I have an excuse "I am fat"... what will I say when I am no longer fat? I am skinny but old? Horrible? sigh...
Still I am determined to lose the weight this time. And I guess I really must start saving for a tummy tuck and breast lift, right? There is realistically no way around it when we are talking about THAT much excess skin
Just wanted to vent and come out and say it. I haven't told many people in real life and those I have kind of say things like I am being silly and "of course you will have a great body after you lose weight! You will look wonderful".
I have some skin stretching on my belly, and I attribute most of that to having kids. It is getting better with time, and people I know who have lost a lot of weight say that it takes a bit of time for your skin to keep up.
my husband is way way way way way waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more attracted to me now than before, saggy tummy and all. My guess is yours will be as well. I would much prefer some saggy skin than to be big again - at least I can wear any clothes that I want to to cover that skin up
But really, I can't stress the importance of exercise and strength training with your diet enough.
I think this is where a healthy plan like SBD is so beneficial. I do think it makes a difference what we put in our bodies.
I think it's important that you are facing a fear by putting it out to others. That said, what your body will do is for something that only time will tell. I tend to focus on the present moment and deal with tomorrow (or next week or next month) when I get there. My memory tells me that the clinical term is "Projecting". I try not to project so much into the future and concentrate on what I need to do today.
I started at a much higher weight, but I find as I lose more slowly and keep exercising that everything just keeps working into place. I don't know what the future has in store as I lose more but I also know it's important for me to remain realistic. I'm not 16.
One thing I know for sure-I love wearing smaller clothes, feeling healthier and receiving lots of compliments. I love to go shopping and see sizes that used to fit and recognize just by looking that I'm not that size anymore. I love participating in new activities that weren't possible before I lost weight. I belong to a gym and do notice that there aren't too many perfect bodies, even for women at normal weights.
I belong to a gym and do notice that there aren't too many perfect bodies, even for women at normal weights.
I completely agree. Even the thinnest women have things about themselves that they aren't completely happy with. Happiness and self satisfaction is more a psychological thing than a physical thing.
I completely agree. Even the thinnest women have things about themselves that they aren't completely happy with. Happiness and self satisfaction is more a psychological thing than a physical thing.
Definitely agreed. I think a lot of men are attracted to a woman who exudes confidence. I know a lot of woman who are NOT "skinny" but feel good about themselves and still get dressed up and go out and are confident and full of self esteem and have guys drooling over them. It's about attitude. Love yourself and the rest of the world will follow
I will tell you one quick story - my top weight was 198 at 5' 4".
After committing to SB, I reached the mid-160's, which took me back to wedding weight, pre-baby weight, end of college weight. One evening I stood in front of the mirror and stared in despair at my saggy belly. I was tearing up over the skin.
My husband had told me over and over that skin means nothing. He told me he loved every bit of me. Finally, that day he brought me a picture of my two amazing kids. He said "You are the mother of the best things that ever happened to me. The cost is a little extra skin? Seriously honey - look at the wonderful things you created with that belly."
I'm never going to have a perfect body, but no one is guaranteed a perfect body (and even women who have what I consider a perfect body, may not see their own bodies as I see them).
In fact, even without pregnancies and weight issues, there's always acne, and wrinkles, and scars, and accidents, and height/proportion issues, breast size and unwanted body hair, and moles, and freckles, and nose and ear shape/sizes, and how close or far apart your eyes, whether or not you're knock-kneed or pigeon-toed...
well as Gilda Radnner's character Rosanne Rosannadanna used to say "it's always somethin'!"
I really hope you don't have a husband who "will never come near" you again so long as you don't a perfect body.
I have to admit I'm lucky in that department. I've never dated men, I felt I had to be perfect for (which was a damned good thing considering I've been obese since grade school). Imperfect can be damned sexy, and perfect isn't necessarily any sexier. Sexy has a lot more to do with creativity, enthusiasm, joy and even humor. Funny is sexy, and I'm definitely funny-looking naked.
My husband and I met at our highest weights, and we've never let imperfect bodies interfere with our sex life. When you love someone, you can find some pretty unusual looking things sexy. Right before my husband and I got married (like a week or two before), I got a breast cancer scare. I had surgery to remove what thankfully turned out to be scar tissue from a car accident rather than cancer. The doctor hid the incision scar fairly well, but when I'm on my back, my right breast looks like a volcano (there's a golf-ball sized divet).
Hubby says it's "his favorite" because it reminds him how lucky he is not to have lost me.
A stand-up comedian talked about his wife or gf's stretchmarks as being beautiful and sexy because they remind him of tiger stripes.
I don't know if I can convince myself that the loose-skin batwings of my upperarms are sexy, but it's me I have to convince, not my hubby. I was obsessing over them one evening, horrified that the flap of skin swayed so much when I moved my arms that I was shaking my arm, watching in horror, and hubby walked in. It was so funny, he started laughing (and with us, laughing often leads to romance). So I guess batwings can be sexy! Who knew?
No, you may not get perfection, but luckily perfection isn't necessary. Perfection isn't the only kind of nice or the only kind of sexy, either.
I have a nice body now, a sexy body now (and I always have, because I am nice and I am sexy).
Smaller is nicer and sexier. Having more energy and stamina is nicer and sexier.
Perfect? Who needs perfect? Perfect is highly over-rated.
kaplods, you seem to have a very, VERY healthy love life congrats! and LOL at your volcano being his favorite -- glad it turned out to be nothing serious.
I'd take a two-sided approach to achieving a nice body.
On the one hand, you're already working on getting healthier and slimmer. Keep doing that; work on becoming stronger and more flexible and having greater stamina because there is nothing so sexy as being able to do That Thing (whatever "That Thing" is for you) that you used to not do because it made you look fat/pressed your body in uncomfortable ways/required more stamina than you had/took more flexibility than you could manage.
It doesn't just apply to the bedroom, either. What about the energy it takes to go swimming or biking or walking together? I feel closer to my husband now that he and I can share more experiences, go more places, do more stuff. We're really lucky right now in being able to say, "Hey, let's go spend the afternoon at the park!" on any given weekday; now we can actually take advantage of that freedom instead of my saying, "Maybe next week" because I felt too tired to go.
While you're working at getting a better body from that direction, work at it from another, even more important direction--from within. Try to appreciate the body you have now instead of thinking that there's a miraculous point in the future at which you'll look in the mirror and love everything you see. Get used to at least liking what you see, because there is no such thing as perfection.
Someone who can't learn to love herself big may find herself having trouble loving a smaller version. Instead of losing weight and thinking she finally looks "good," she just finds ever subtler flaws to criticize. It's a lot easier for those who feel they look good in a larger size, too. You only get one body; learn to love it now, because you'll probably not have it for more than a century and there's no reason to waste time disliking the present model in favor of a future one. My body isn't "ruined," it's changed--and frankly, even if I'd never been fat, I probably wouldn't have been any more satisfied with my shape than my sister was (and she was a runner-up for Miss Louisiana many years ago, losing out only because we are a short and stubby folk).
Loose skin has a tendency to grow more taut as people spend more time at a stable maintenance weight, anyway, so don't assume that what you see immediately following your loss is how you're going to look a year or five later.
I know, Kaplods is amazing. I don't know about in Greece, but if you do lose the weight and have issues like skin rashes, etc. here in the US insurance will sometimes pay for extra skin removal as it becomes a "health issue". So that is something to consider. Personally, my body didn't really go to pot after having my son, but my boobs have always been really, really saggy and big. My husband really doesn't care but I am so self conscious about it. I also have a huge varicose vein on one thigh (and I mean huge, and it meanders all around the thigh and even makes a loop de loop) and my husband has never noticed it, even though frankly it is very, very noticeable.
How DO you get a nice body?
