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Old 05-31-2011, 08:44 AM   #273
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FutureFitChick's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Boston suburb
Posts: 557

S/C/G: 273.5/251/245

Height: 5'8"


Coaches/Buddies, I am feeling frustrated this morning - like I will never get to a healthy weight. I started feeling hopeless about the situation, along with the enormous amount of house and research work I have to do. Overwhelmed I am and without any strong deadlines coming up, so that frustrates me that I am this anxious over nothing impending. I guess I’m just sick of the status quo. It seems like every week I decide I need to refocus on something before my face but never bring it clearly into view. Ugh!

I am running late this morning, as usual. I had a tremendous time turning off my mind last night and as a result slept for about six and one-half hours, but only felt like three - definitely not enough for me. After this, I am going to get some freshly made yogurt with strawberries and walk my Saint around the neighborhood.

I went to the Indy 500 this weekend. It was the first time for me since ~1992. I found it very enjoyable this time - in extreme opposition to my high school marching band experience. I am not the biggest fan of cars to begin with, so never intended to go again and witness humanity at its finest in the infield (think thousands of people drunk out of their mind in ninety degree heat). My husband’s boss sprung for employee tickets but found himself with a few extras. As a result, some of the spouses got to go too. Our tickets were on the inside, just twelve rows behind Simona de Silvestro’s pit. I watched her team struggle with trying to optimize her car over and over. She made pit stop after stop, until finally the team manager waved her out of the car. She was so devastated that her physical injury (burnt hands from earlier in the week) caused her to bump the wall and her team just couldn’t get the car to run optimally after that. Simona looked so sad to disappoint her team, so sad. In many ways I can identify with that crushing feeling of disappointing others, and it makes me just kind of stop inside, as if I’ve just gone through an adrenaline rushing experience and my body is trying to recover. They I pause, and look down at my body with all of its excess flesh, and the fear of my parents health strikes me. I feel doomed to their physical fate, my father’s massive heart attack last year, and my mother’s failing diabetic kidneys diagnosed only days ago. Then just quiet.

Today’s Essentials:
Weigh-in: +1 lbs.
Read Advantage Cards two times: once this morning
Read Response Cards at least two times: no
Ate slowly, sitting down, noticing every bite: no
Gave myself credit when I engaged in helpful eating behaviors: yes
Did spontaneous exercise: yes - lots of cleaning (but not enough at the same time)
Did planned exercise: no
Wrote out food plan for tomorrow: no
Tracked today’s food: no
Left food on my plate: no
Ate only to normal fullness: no
Identified and responded to a self-deluding thought: no

BillBlueEyes, great job with the heavy dumbbells. I am cheering you on for success on Wednesday.

ChefJoona, fantastic job for all of your food preparation yesterday. Sorry you shared my sleep woes and I hope you feel better soon.

PamatGA, your Memorial Day salads sound wonderful. Thanks for reminding me of what treasures are within Dr. Beck’s writing. I will review some of these lessons in the next twenty-four hours. You just made a big difference my outlook on the day and I am thankful to your for that.
Things I'm Most Looking Forward To:
More E-N-E-R-G-Y
Buying stylish, not oversized clothes
Being a healthy role-model for my nephews, students, and godson
Horsebackriding without guilt
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