[Larry H]

I was at a picnic yesterday and met a very nice couple. Many of those present knew me and remarked on my weight loss and how good I looked. It turns out that the woman I had just met said she recently lost 70 lbs on Weight Watchers. She asked how tall I was and what my target weight was. I told her 5' 6" and 143 lbs Then it started. Immediatly she started telling me that 143 was way too low. She said she was the same height as me and 143 was way way too low for me. She said didn't you consider your age? I am 66 years young. Made me think, no I had not considered age.

Now I did not pick 143 out of a hat! I went to several respected web sites such as the Mayo Clinic. 143 is the center range for a medium build man of my height. If I had a small frame 143 is the upper end of the acceptable range and it is at the lower end of the acceptable range for a large frame.

That is how I selected 143 lbs as my goal. I went back and looked at the age consideration and found that a man past 60 should actually weigh slightly less than a young 20 year old man.

How should I respond to people like her? Incidentally my dear wife also thinks that I am aiming way to low. I am comfortable with this goal. Why can't other people accept it?

Sorry for the long rant

Larry

[TooManyDimples]

I say if people ask your goal weight just say something along the lines of, "I'm not too sure, once I get there I'll know." Everyone always has an opinion. If you don't want to hear it, just don't share. =)

[bargoo]

You could just say "It really is none of your business " but I suspect you are too polite to do that.

[alinnell]

I think you should keep your goal, however, as you near it, reassess yourself and determine if it is a good weight for you or not. Also, once achieved, is it easy to maintain? For example, I'm 5'8" and my goal was 135. I got there and had a heck of a time maintaining it (even though I had been 130 previously and maintained it for a couple of years). I've found that 138-142 is my comfort zone and that's what I'm striving for.

And if anyone says otherwise, just say that the BMI charts indicate that this is a good weight for someone of my height and leave it at that.

[natamars]

First off, Larry, you are doing fantastic! I remember being part of a challenge with you a few months back, and your progress since then is inspiring!

I agree with alinnell, until you get a bit closer to goal you won't know what will work for you. There's a pretty big range of healthy weights on the BMI charts, and age, frame, and muscle tone will all play a role in what your final goal will be. But don't worry about what anyone else says, you're doing all the right things and should be proud of yourself!

[berryblondeboys]

I'm with the camp of end weights should be flexible if you haven't seen that number for a long time. See, I'm 5'6.5" and my doctors have always felt I fit above the normal guidelines for someone of my height because of my build. My husband who is 6'1" tall, has a smaller frame and fits in the lower end of the suggested BMI range. He and I have a very similar ideal weight despite the nearly 7 inches in height difference!

BUT! Do I really know my idea weight? I was 178 when I graduated high school and I was a late bloomer and actually grew a bit more after high school. At 178 I was slightly chubby (and not fit). But with more height and being more fit, how will 178 look on me now? I don't know and the doctors can only guess.

My plan? To get a calipers fat test as I get close to see what's realistic. I've already decided I'm aiming for a weight I can maintain with normal effort. I have no idea if that will be 165, 170 or 175 or lower. I'll have to figure it out when I get closer.

[fatferretfanatic]

Larry, you are a serious inspiration. I am sure this woman had your best interests at heart, but I don't see how she has done a ton of research about ideal weights of men of your build, height and age. If you are comfortable with your goal, that is what matters-it doesn't sound abnormal to me at all, or too low. I know it must be frustrated, and I, being a very polite person (all too polite at times) would probably just say something like, "Thank you for your concern; I will take that into consideration." That doesn't mean that you have to alter your goals, but it also doesn't make her feel like her advice has been discounted. I think you're doing a wonderful job, and I know you can keep up the good work.

[Mickeypnd]

I too have stopped telling people my goal weight, I really got tired of people telling me that Im going to look anorexic if I try to go down that low.

if someone asks I just say, I'm losing weight ten pounds at a time.

[Ferumbras]

My feeling is say that you've consulted health professionals/doctors. It's a white lie, if you've only been looking at online medical forums like WebMD or Mayo Clinic online, but it's not an all-out lie and should shut the other person up pretty quick.

In the end, it's your weight loss journey, your body, and as others have said, none of her business. What would she know about what's right for your body? Don't let her get to you. You know what feels good and right.

[krampus]

Americans have this idea that men are supposed to weigh 170+ no matter what, but it's way off. Unless you are aiming for bulky muscle mass (which isn't your goal, is it?) 143 at 5'6 is perfectly fine!

[Lovely]

Oh you're totally fine.

My usual response is something like "Not sure. Below 200, but I'll know when I get there."

The high number to start seems to make others feel comfortable. *laughs* Probably so they'll think they can always weigh less than me or something.

[ButterCup85]

Just do what makes you happy, as long as it's healthy I figure. The weight for my height 5'5" is something ridiculously low for me. I'd look sick. My doc says for my build 170 would be fantastic. It's all about you and how you feel!

[Rosinante]

I agree with all of the above.
I'm sure she meant well, most people do. Although when it's woman to woman things are often clouded by sour grapes: in about 30lbs time my best friend will start telling me I look gaunt; believe, I won't but I will be getting close to her weight, and that take the edge off her support.

It's your body, your weightloss and you've done your research. I'd go for, "Thankyou for your concern. I'm happy with my goal, which has medical support. Of course I will review as I go". I don't see why you should have to conceal your goal, as though it's shameful but saying you'll review is also sensible - we all should do that.

All that said, given that at 5'2", I look slim at 136, 143 at 5'6" sounds fairly whip-thin to me. As you get closer, you might indeed feel more comfortable at a higher weight. Life's a balance - it's not worth sticking to a goal weight if we don't like how it makes us look/feel but it's not worth altering it just because someone else says so.

And well done on all you've lost so far!

[RachaelJ]

My WL doc wants me to go 40ish pounds of weightloss. I'm not comfortable with that. I started at 161 and I'll be comfortable with 130. Even though that's the upper end for my height. I think you should do what you feel comfortable with and what you feel your body is accepting of in a healthy way.

[zoodoo613]

Just don't engage. Just smile and nod and change the subject.

I'll be honest. When I saw your goal, it seemed low to me too, but I didn't mention it because: a) you still have a way to go yet, so it's not really relevant, b) it's none of my business.

When you get closer, you may decide to revise your goal, but that's up to you. And your wife. You should always listen to your wife.