Thread: Moving away.
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Old 05-22-2011, 09:50 PM   #13
indiblue
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Africa
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It does sound like there are some things to work through before you decide to move with him.

On the first point, it sounds like you are aware of challenges that could arise to your happiness if you move with him- it's a remote location, you tend to not make new friends/go out, etc. But it also sounds like it could be real opportunity for growth. Perhaps you could commit to joining a community group (through meetup.com, joining a gym, a religious institution, etc), or finding a job and meeting people through there. Or it may not be people you need to be happy- maybe you could commit to doing one outdoor activity every week (a hike, a bike ride, etc). What helped me was to make a list of goals: to write an email to my closest friends once every month, to read one book a month, to try to learn to garden, etc. Keeping a list of goals will help you structure your time and have something to work towards, something outside of your boyfriend to think about. You said if you did go he would be your life, but it doesn't have to be that way. You can forge your own life to compliment your life with him if you commit to it.

On the second point, for me it was very important to have enough savings and be confident enough in my own job prospects if we did break up and I had to move back to the US. Because I did ensure these things, I didn't feel trapped in the relationship, I felt like I was there because I wanted to be there, not because I didn't have any other options. It sounds like you have some options too- move with your dad or get a place with friends.

For me both of these really come down to making sure you have your sense of self and independence before deciding to make this move. It's making sure you know who you are, what you love, and what makes you happy. It's also making sure you can take care of yourself and won't end up in a position where you stay with him because you financially are forced to. You want to be with him out of love and because you are both happy and together make each other happier, not because you feel like you don't have other options.

good luck with your decision!
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