Thread: Moving away.
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Old 05-20-2011, 07:13 AM   #10
indiblue
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Africa
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I moved 16,000 miles away for my boyfriend! (Seriously, quit my job and moved halfway across the world).

It's been hard, but I have no regrets. I felt I was in a place in our relationship where
A) I felt secure enough about myself, my own career, and my own financial situation to do this
B) I would survive if we broke up and I needed to move back to the US and
C) I knew he understood the sacrifice I made for him and that if given the opportunity he would do the exact same thing for me (which he will- he is leaving his job so I can pursue my own career and he will follow me).

I am in my mid-20s and I can honestly say I wouldn't have followed a guy five years ago. I needed a few years to do my own thing, to do what I needed to do to be happy. I feel confident in the decisions I made that were solely based on my own preferences and felt comfortable and at a point where I could start compromising with someone else.

I definitely disagree with others who say that a ring doesn't mean anything. For some people it doesn't, for some it does. I didn't need one because I wasn't ready to commit to forever, I was only ready to commit to the next few years. Following someone made sense to me NOW but I didn't want to conflate that with forever. We would move to another country and in a few years that would be over and we could reassess. I didn't need a permanent commitment to make a decision that affects my immediate future and that I could reverse if it didn't make sense in a year or two. BUT if I had needed a ring to make this big life change, it would have absolutely meant everything to both me and my boyfriend. We take marriage incredibly seriously. Just because the trend is that more people take marriage less seriously and are more ready to divorce does NOT mean that your boyfriend or you are one of them. Only you can decide if your boyfriend is making a hollow proposal or a deep-felt commitment. (Only you too can decide if you need that to make this change).

I'll also challenge that 50 or 100 miles is going to make or break your relationship with your friend and parents . I went to another state for college, yet another one for a job after college, and have spent a lot of time overseas for work and now live overseas. It certainly adds a different element to relationships with friends and families, but seeing them once a month versus every day/every week may not be the end of the world. I can't tell you that you'll be fine and should just suck it up- you have to decide that for yourself. But I do know there's a LOT of value in challenging yourself by living in a different area and meeting new people. You could gain a great deal from the experience.

The bottom line is- do you think you will be wholly satisfied moving away- as in, emotionally, professionally, financially, etc? Or will you be relying on him solely for your happiness? Will you be able to make friends on your own, seek our activities and things to occupy your time, and possibly find a job? Or will you stay at home all day waiting for him to come home, and then get depressed when you feel distant from him because he needs time alone? If something goes wrong, would you be in a complete mess trying to figure out your next step, or would you be in a position to move back to your hometown and move forward?

Last edited by indiblue; 05-20-2011 at 07:14 AM.
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