[Hamoco350]

I don’t know how to go about typing this. I have fallen off of the wagon.

A lot of things happened in my life that left me depressed. I gained about 20 pounds, all in my stomach. It doesn’t sound like a huge defeat considering how much I’ve lost, but I have been so terribly ashamed of myself. I just gave up. I don’t know where my passion to become healthy went.

I have been morbidly obese since I was 2 years old. So when I actually followed through with changing my life in 2009 it was the most amazing event. All of the things I battled due to my weight – depression, an anxiety disorder, and cutting – just faded with a newfound thirst to experience life. I made it to 220, completed a 5k, and I became smaller than I’ve been since 4th/5th grade.

So I just feel awful about letting bad things in life mess me up like this. I just wanted to call myself out on the mistakes I have made. My emotional eating, my lack of exercise, my overall defeat. I’m just laying it out on the line right now.

I have to find whatever it is I’ve lost, you know?

[niafabo]

The important thing is your back and ready to get back on track. Remember it's not how many times you fall that matters, it's how many time you get back up. Just learn from your mistakes and get back on plan and before you know it that extra weight will be gone and you will be in wonderland. Don't lose hope.

[theox]

Hi Molly

Why are you beating yourself up over this?

Life happens, and we human beings aren't perfectly equipped to handle it.

Maybe you didn't handle the things that life has thrown at you recently as well as you might have, but you still handled them, and now you can use the experience to figure out how you might handle difficult situations better in the future. What's shameful about that?

You don't have to be motivated all the time - few (no?) people are. But, even if we're not motivated to do something, we can often still do it. And if sometimes we can't (for mental or physical reasons)? Well, that's just being human, and we can use our shortcomings as a chance to learn how to improve.

While you're looking for motivation, could it help to aim for acting in ways that promote your health goals to the best of your abilities at the time? If all you can do is somthing minor, do that. Even if it doesn't move the scale, you're still accomplishing something and making it easier to re-introduce your old healthy habits as you can.

You've made it through whatever else is going on in your life.
You've kept a very large percentage of your excess weight off.
You recognize that your weight is moving in a direction you don't want it to go in, and are working on getting it going back in the right direction (that's why you're here, right?).

That's great! That's better than many people have done, and it's a clear sign that you're not actually defeated.

And if you continue to work away at getting healthy - even if you only do one tiny little thing a day - eating a serving of fruit, drinking water, walking for a half hour, whatever - you're doing something healthy, and still working on improving your life. If all you can mentally handle is one thing a day, do that. Write down of all the positive choices you make during the day. If you make a mistake or a bad decision, write down how you can avoid that mistake or help yourself make a better choice in the future.

Are you still feeling depressed? If so, are you receiving any therapy to help deal with it?

You can reach the goals you set for yourself.

Hang in there.

[canadianwoman]

I just want to say good luck in getting back on the wagon. We have all been there...off and on.

[ShanIAm]

I have a glass half full approach about this. OK, so you gained back 20 pounds. But like one poster said, life happens. But the way I see it, you are nipping it in the bud (butt!) before you gain back 40 pounds, or 60 pounds or all the weight you have worked so hard to lose before. I think coming here is the first step is finding what you say you lost. But it’s not lost, it’s just hiding. And you will find it one day, one step at a time. I promise. I absolutely hear the determination in your words. I know you can do this and feel better about Hamoco again!

[Chubbykins]

It is not a defeat if you stand up and dust yourself off You'll be wiser next time misery calls for food. Though I do hope you won't have anything sad anymore happen to you.

[Hamoco350]

Thank you all for the encouraging words. Now I remember why I loved this place so much. It is so uplifting to be around (virtually, anyway) other people like me, who go through the same trials I go through. I can't wait to get back on track.

[Idealperson]

How are you doing now? If not now, when will you make the changes to be healthy? Start again because only you can do this for yourself...and you are worth it!

5'7" and 135#, oh yeah, baby!
WW Lifetime member

[gagalu]

realizing it and facing it is the most important thing you can do, so you're on the right track. i wish you luck, girly.

[Hamoco350]

I'm back on track, as of yesterday! I can tell the lack of exercise for the past few months has slowed me down... but I think admitting my failures set me free from them. I am as determined as ever! And I weigh in Sunday!

I don't know why it's so easy now, but for some reason I am just ready to be where I was

[gagalu]

yay!!! good luck! hope you see some good news on sunday! <3