[mel23]

is anyone else almost afraid to go out with friends simply because you're worried that you're going to "slip up", and rather than just having it be a bad night, be the straw that breaks the camel's back? i'm not talking about not knowing what diet-friendly food or drinks to order, i mean that i'm worried i'm going to go out with all intention to order "healthy" alternatives, but end up on a spur-of-the-moment splurge that will kill my confidence, and POOF... bye bye diet. fall off the wagon.

i'm going out tomorrow night for drinks with friends (which will be my first outing since starting this diet on monday) and i know that i have enough "flex points" (i'm a weight watchers gal) left from the week to have like 3 or 4 glasses of wine if i'd like, but i'm just scared... gahhhhhh.

anyone else feel like this?

[Lauren201]

You can't live your life like that. If you do slip up and make a mistake you have to know that it's okay and tomorrow is a new day. I like to look at nutrition information before I go out so I can try to plan but ultimately I order what I really want (within reason) because going out is a "treat" and if I want to have a steak I'm getting a steak. I don't go out very often maybe every other month or so. So splurging once in a while is not the end of the world and it's part of life.

[Cali Doll]

Absolutely!!!

I do this a lot. If I don't feel mentally strong enough to fight my food addiction, I would prefer to stay inside.

I have a very active lifestyle and I do a lot of socializing. But, there are some instances when I feel that I would rather not be tempted.

Whatever it takes, IMO. Until I'm strong enough, I'm totally OK with this. This is important to me and I am trying to give myself the best opportunity for success.

[ERHR]

I've basically stopped eating out, but that hasn't stopped me from going out. I just eat a healthy, filling meal before I go and pack a snack if I think I might be tempted later. I've even brought my own food in to more casual dining places. I explain to my friends that I already ate and they don't seem to mind. The only time I eat out now is if there is nutrition data available and I figure out what to order in advance (not many places around here have data available though).

[icedragon6669]

YES!
Everytime I face a night out, dinner out, some social event I get so worked up... So obessed with what I plan to have and also so heartbroken as I know I cannot get through that without falling off the wagon. I cannot seem to get my head around the idea of just having a great night, and getting straight back on the wagon the day after.
Seems I can get to ordering food Ok, but once I have a first bite, my head just says "well lets just go for it!", the last time I went out (last saterday night) the only thing that kept me to moderation was fear of being judged by those I was out with, My mind happily started wanting this, that, and all of that.. but I didn't want the people I was with going "OMG LOOK AT HER!", so my head said "ok when we get out of here I want... this that and everything". But we sat around and talked for so long, by the time we got to going home, I was back in control and happy that at the end of the night I did end up eating in moderation! which is a first.

Sadly I do battle not to go out! but I also know I have to be social and cannot be a hermit, so this is one thing I must get hold of and beat!

[berryblondeboys]

I don't worry about it usually. I plan for it. I eat less during the day (making sure it's filling protein/fat calories to hold me) and then I know what to get beforehand. Basically I know that I won't eat any simple carbs and will eat the main entree with veggies. For drinks, I don't care - club soda is fine with me or a diet coke. I 'might' have one drink, but i don't need it to have a good time.

Now, I did just send my regrets to a get together tomorrow night party. The party is a wine tasting and gourmet desserts party. Hello??? What the heck do I eat or drink there and still feel part of the party? So, in that case, I declined. Also part of that decision is that it's more than an hour's drive there... so couple that with the food choices, it wasn't worth it. I see these people all the time too, so no biggee to skip this one.

[krampus]

Life is temptation and these choices are really tough. I can feel my muscles tensing up when I think about eating out with friends. It's like the act of getting together makes us just throw caution to the wind and make regrettable food choices.

If you really feel like you can't control yourself, it's okay to turn down invitations! Weight loss is a huge investment and a lifestyle change, and if you sincerely believe going off plan for one night will derail your motivation a lot, it might be something to consider to pass up the invite.

[mel23]

thanks for all of your responses. i love hearing everyone's own perspective and experiences

[walking2lose]

I did a really strict "clean" month in January (whole30 to those who are familiar). I wanted the scale to move after the holidays and was very motivated to do it. I don't eat grains anyway, but in addition for that month I cut all alcohol and dairy and ate nothing sweet except fruit.

I did lots of shopping and meal planning and felt really good, and I did NOT want to go out. In fact I only ate out one night the whole month and had a steak and broccoli (my own meals are more interesting than that!). I just wanted to stay home and stay in my roll... haha! So I know what you mean.

Fortunately I picked a slow month for social occasions (jan.)- it's hard for me to go out and not have a glass or two of wine.

I'm getting ready to do another whole30 (planned to start the 5th, but will start now Monday), and I will have a couple social occasions to navigate around.

Good luck - it can be done, you just have to plan for it and stay away from the "friends" who insist on ordering the nachos or pitcher of beer or whatever.

[shcirerf]

From someone, who is most likely old enough to be your mother, and who probably has kids older than you. And a slacking, but getting better lifetime member of WW. Don't worry about it so much. If you don't feel like it, don't go.

If you feel like it, keep in mind, you do need to figure out how to figure it into your week.

I spent a couple of days last week out of town, attending a 3 day event, where I knew, that I would have tough time staying on plan. I weighed in, stayed the same. I am ok with that. At the same time, I had a ton of fun, and it was a great stress reliever to get out of the house, that's another story.

It's all about balance, sometimes you can say yes, but sometimes you need to say no. It's up to the individual to find the balance.

Tonight, I had a horrific day at work, I wanted desparately to go drinking, instead, I came home, had 2 beers, and now I'm hanging out with you!

[LisaP916]

I am not on a diet. I am changing my lifestyle. As such, my life doesn't stop because I've adopted a healthy lifestyle. I plan for my nights out and I enjoy them. I've been on Weight Watchers for two weeks. The first week, we had dinner plans with our friends and they picked Chinese. I ate, I tracked, and at weigh in I'd lost 6 pounds. The second week, I went to dinner and a concert with friends. I ordered grilled chicken, steamed veggies, and mashed potatoes (which I didn't eat). I also had a few drinks. I tracked everything and I lost two pounds.

Life happens. :-). We just have to learn to live it in moderation.

[Shmead]

Time will build your confidence: now you are terrified of slipping up and ruining everything, but two or three times of not slipping up will make you feel so good.

However, I am a little worried that you are almost assuming you will mess up--your concern seems to be about how you will recover. I think there are a lot of social groups where that is the norm: no one really stays on plan when they go out, and everyone kinda laughs about it and makes each other feel better about it. But it doesn't have to be that way. It's quite possible to go out and stay 100% on plan, and every time you do it, it makes the next time easier.

One more thing: consider going out and not drinking. Three or four glasses of wine only has 450-600 calories on paper, but in my experience, three or four glasses of wine also includes the calories of the order of fries you end up splitting and the end-of-the-evening taco run you some how end up as part of. This doesn't mean you have to not drink ever again, but when you are forming these new habits, it might be a good compromise.

Lastly: do you feel self-conscious? It's hard to go out and play a different role than what people are used to: when you've been a cheeseburger-fries-and-a-margarita girl, it feels weird to be someone else. I used to practice, ALOUD, saying "I'll have the chicken breast, grilled, and can you sub in steamed veggies for the fries?" because it felt so fake to me, as if the waitress would hear in my voice that I was a poser. Do you dread having to explain to your friends why you are acting differently? If so, let me tell you something: people get used to the new you really, really quickly. It's only weird for about 3 trips, and then it's just how you always have been.

I am really not exaggerating here. I used to smoke 2-3 packs of cigarettes a day. Six months after I quit, people were telling me how weird it was that I used to smoke: they could barely remember it. And these were people that never saw me without a cigarette for ten years! It's a little uncomfortable to have to explain yourself (or obfuscate), but it's only one or two times. After that, it's just the new normal.

[PElaine]

I can hear your fear of slipping in your "voice", and that you feel bad about yourself for not being able to handle the situation better, but the truth is, you are probably smart to not go, because it is really difficult this early in our recovery from overeating to be around so many triggers: alcohol, tempting food, and people who are eating what they want while you "can't".

If you were an alcoholic, would you go out bar hopping and drink soda all night? If you had just quit smoking, would you hang out with friends who still smoked? At some point you might, but not at an early stage of recovery you wouldn't.

I am early in my weight loss process, but I won't go out to eat in restuararnts at all right now. When I want to be social, I suggest non-food activities: movies, concerts, walks, museums, meeting at Starbucks, that kind of thing.

And, when I do go out to eat, I look at the restuarants menu before hand and decide exactly what I am going to eat before I go.

I hope this helps.

Elaine

[mel23]

first, again, thanks for everyone's input and support. i love love love reading about everyone's own experience and perspectives.

i diddddd it! i went out with one of my best friends (who is very supportive of me whether i'm dieting or not--as are all of my friends, which is awesome) and had 3 glasses of wine (=6 weight watchers points... woot), a small salad with just avocado, lettuce, tomato, and some dressing on the side, which i didn't really use b/c i feel like avocado is so tasty in and of itself that it just made the salad fine, and a small piece of bread. and then i came home, and now am parked on my couch watching Juno (on Oxygen right now in case anyone's in need of some TV action). annndddd tomorrow AM = my favorite spin instructor at my gym, who teaches both the 9:30a and 10:30a class, and i usually take both (which means i should start pounding some water). today was a good day, and i hope tomorrow will be even better. yay for small goals being achieved!

cheers

[LisaP916]

That's fantastic... Congrats on good choices and a fun night!