[Porthardygurl]

I admit it..as i type this..im actually sinning. I am commiting a food sin..The kind in which im eating 3 big delicious doughnuts..the truth is..ive been food sinning..for days..in the form of little cheats.. "oh its okay to have fat free sugar free pudding, cause even though its only allowed on phase 2, ive been on phase 1 for like a month, so it wont kill me to have some" or "well its just popcorn and thats allowed on phase 2..and im technically supposed to be on it...im just not putting fruit or bread back in my diet" and etc..do you see what i mean? Its the line of excuses that says " i can have this because.." The truth is..it hasnt stopped. See.. i was doing great. When i first started this program i wasnt aware that i couldnt have fat free sugar free pudding in phase 1 or full fat cheese or whip cream.. i didnt know..and i did throw those things out when i found out..but then i found myself consistently still having these little cheats here and there.."oh this sugar free chocolate wont kill me" and on and on it went..so over several weeks, the scale has been kind and i have worked out a lot and so its been forgiving to my waistline..but ive gotten away with the cheats..Until today..I was honest with myself and honest with my fiancee and said "You know, i cant do this..i cant keep on doing these little cheats." AND ITS TRUE! I cant keep saying its okay..thats how i got so fat in the first place..But here's the thing..I fail very easily because i am a PERFECTIONIST! and if i screw up once..it all goes out the window and i cant do it right until i start fresh..So here i am.. Im confessing to you now..because for the past few weeks ive been in hiding about my cheats..but i dont want to be the closet cheater eater.. So here i am! I want to do this right.. I want to do this clean..So here i am..I am carb loving and carb loading and my blood sugar is sky high and i will feel like crap tommorow which will remind me once again why i dont eat this stuff..but its also my way of saying "Okay, i failed, i blew it..ive blown it out of the water, ive had my last night and now im ready to start fresh, the right way this time..where i know what i can and cant have..and where im set up to succeed and not fail..

Yes, i walk around tonite and im sure tommorow with guilt and it has been hard confessing these things..but i dont want to live in hiding in shame and guilt..i just want to be real and i just want to succeed knowing i did a clean 2 weeks! So here (raises glass) to a new beginning and 2 weeks of clean without fail..without cheating!

[RandoMandaPanda]

I know how it is, hun! At least you're being proactive and honest about it now!!! You need to find yourself that one guilty pleasure that you can look forward to everyday... I have a hazelnut or chocolate iced latte every morning and if I'm on track ALL DAY, without fail, I have a sugar free Popsicle. The lattes are incredible stuff! I found Torani sugar free flavored syrups at the store, and they're ZERO carb, ZERO cal. I pour a tablespoon, maybe one and a half, over ice, add a cup of cold strong coffee (instant works) and 1/4 cup milk. It feels like you're drinking something from Starbucks or even a McCafé but NONE of the guilt because there's not a daggone carb in there except for in the milk or creamer, and you could even go without that!!! That's my indulgence. You just need to find that one thing that's on plan that you reaaallly want and let yourself have it only if you're good! Don't beat yourself up... Just get back on the horse. You'll do just fine ;-)

[Natasha1534]

That you came here and admitted it is a good thing. To me, HIDING stuff like that is just as dangerous as actually indulging in those treats. It's that whole mentality of "shameful eating" that keeps us fat, IMO. My biggest piece of advice would be to not even have things like that in your house. We don't keep any sweets in our house anymore that aren't sugar free. It's made a HUGE difference, especially for a family of ice cream addicts, LOL

[NikiZapa]

I think you stayed on phase 1 too long. You wanted more variety and so you started improvising. But your choices weren't the best. They made you feel guilty, they triggered your cravings and they made you think that since cheating didn't really do that much harm, you could go on cheating, until you were out of control.

If I were you, I'd say myself, this is it, fresh start. And I'd follow the phase 2 plan, choosing some good and tasty carbs. Although you are supposed to go back to phase 1 when you fall off the wagon, I wouldn't do that now, because you stayed there too long. I think that if you eat your good carbs along with vegetables and lean protein, you will be ok with the cravings.

I'm a perfectionist too. Most of my attempts to follow a diet have failed because of this. But I think that I've managed to get rid of this "all or nothing" attitude, simple by observing how destructive it has been. And as doctor Agatston says, you don't have to be good all the time. You only need to be good most of the times.

And finally think. If you give up now, where will you be let's say three months from now? And if you don't give up, again where will you be three months from now. (or even better, a year from now?)

Niki

[kaplods]

I think you're dooming yourself to failure by assuming that weight loss has to be done "cleanly" and with "perfection," and by associating guilt and shame with eating and with making mistakes.

I truly believe that no success is possible on the "eat off-plan/feel guilt/eat more off-plan/feel more guilt/binge/feel more guilt/start over/eat perfectly on plan/make a mistake or two/repeat the process" cycle.

I was on that cycle for nearly 35 years (and it only made me fatter and fatter).

You have to find a way to break the cycle. Find a way to pick yourself up immediately after a slip - and keep on going. Stop throwing yourself to the bottom of the cliff after every stumble.

It's rarely the stumble that causes the backsliding weight gain - it's the giant leep over the cliff.

What helped me is writing down absolutely everything I eat - even if it's off-plan - even if I have no clue what the calorie count is (this is hard for me even now, I tend to stop journaling the minute I eat a bite off-plan. I'm getting better, but it's still hard - and still ok to make mistakes).

Another helpful strategy is reminding myself of how much a slip really cost me (and calculating how much a leap off the cliff is going to set me back).

Calories in/calories out isn't always a straighforward calculation, because what you eat can affect how much you burn, but the rules of physics still apply. You can't gain ten pounds from a 2 ounce candybar. You can't even gain more than 2 ounces (and with most candy bars, you can't gain more than an ounce and a half - because it would have to be 2 ounces of pure fat for you to gain 2 ounces of fat).

Calculate the calories in an off-plan food can give you a worst-case-scenario, and remind you in a concrete way that a blow-out is a bad idea. It can remind you after a mistake, that all is not lost.

Another strategy that I hesitate recommending, as it requires a very different approach to the scale. Conventional diet wisom suggests that if you see a gain on the scale, you will invariably feel such frustration and disappointment that you'll be tempted to quit. I think this is a bit of "groundhog" psychology. Whether or not the ground hog sees his shadow, Spring will come when it comes. Whatever you see on the scale, it can't frustrate or disappoint you, unless you allow it to. It "means" something only if you let it.

For me, getting on the scale after an off-plan bite, provides the "do-over" that I've been conditioned (through the common culture of weight loss) to expect. I could learn not to expect the do-over, but I'm not at that point yet. For me, getting on the scale provides the do-over point. If I eat another off-plan food, I do it again (even if it means getting on the scale a dozen times in a day).

If you can't get on the scale without feeling like a failure, then I wouldn't recommend this until you can find a way to experience a lot more success and a lot less disappointment.

I think you need to start setting yourself up for success. For me, that meant lowering my expectations. I had to stop expecting perfection, because I realized that perfection isn't possible - and it's highly over-rated. You don't need perfection, you only need progress. By all old definitions of failure, I've failed off every single one of my 88 lbs. I don't believe a single pound of that 88 lbs was acheived with a weight loss of more than 2 lbs per week - and my average is only half a pound per week - even less if you count the two years I struggled to continue to lose weight, but only managed to maintain the weight loss I'd acheived (a huge acheivement in itself, though I didn't fully appreciate it at the time).

You can do this, but only if you unlearn all the ineffective and counterproductive strategies you've been using.

[Mmckellen]

Loving it, Kaplods. Your comments are always so well balanced.

[Ruthxxx]

Yes indeed, Kaplods, has hit it on the head as usual.

[seagirl]

Unless you are eating babies, you are not sinning by eating.

[Nola Celeste]

If you think of food and eating as "sinful," you impute an emotional and moral quality to it that defeats your efforts. It's a cycle--restrict, get frustrated at "slow" results, restrict more, snap, commit a "sin" by eating off plan, feel guilty, try to "atone" for your "sin" with even more punishing restriction, give up, get bigger, restrict...I think you see where that leads.

What are some other strategies you can use when stressed that are unrelated to food? What can you do to distract yourself from a craving? What are some ways that you can learn how to be okay with "I did well" instead of "I did perfectly?" What can you do to help put food back in its proper place in your universe?

I know you have a young baby at home. Your body is still readjusting to itself. Punishing it for "sinning," whether by eating more or by rigid restriction, is not going to go well for you. That's not because of any moral failing or lack of willpower; that's just physiology in action.

South Beach is a great plan that a lot of people live with happily, but if you're struggling with it this much after a short time, perhaps you need to reassess whether it's the right plan for you.

Of course, another way to look at it is that you've already lost 14 pounds in a very short time--that's a tremendous success even if you haven't been "perfect" the entire time, so maybe it IS working for you and you're falling into the trap of seeing anything that isn't a multi-pound-per-week loss as a failure.

[Nola Celeste]

Originally Posted by seagirl

Unless you are eating babies, you are not sinning by eating.

I was posting while you wrote that, but I absolutely LOVE this philosophy. Thank you for it.

[MissKoo]

Wow . . . you are really messing with your own mind. Gluttony may be one of the seven deadly sins but it is time to get real. Put the "delicious" donuts down. Or, put it on the ground an step on it! Grab a piece of delicious sugar-free gum and take a walk!

In a very famous 12-step program, of which I am not a member but close to someone who is, there is a magical phrase that comes after explaining the steps and traditions and all it will take to stay sober:

PROGRESS, NOT PERFECTION

Awesome, ain't it?

[katy trail]

everything kaploids and everyone said and....

this cycle is what renee talks about in IOWL. inside out weightloss. it's not a miracle cure. it's not as helpful as real sessions with a professional. but if you do the mental hw while you listen to the free podcasts, it could help to learn strategies such as the ones kaploids was talking about. to learn to have a healthy relationship with food.

fact:food is not evil. it is just food.

fact:the best food for us gives us energy to fuel our workouts and to live life to the fullest.

i hope you find what works for you soon.

[southbeacher]

Wow, this thread was just what I needed.

I too suffer from the perfectionist mentality, much to my detriment. If I'm not perfect, I throw out the baby with the bath water.

This time around I just have to do the best I can. I'm reading the book Full by Dr. Snyder (the inventor of the Full bars), and he says that if at the end of the day you can honestly say to yourself "I've done the best I can," then that's all we can expect of ourselves.

Already I'm stressing on Phase 1 - what if I'm in a restaurant and eat a fatty steak? What if I'm served a cheese omelet...of course it will be fried in butter and have full fat American in it. Then what?

I've just got to stop this madness and just do the best I can. Thank you poster, for saying that Dr. A said "you only have to be good most of the time."

Great thread.

[zeffryn]

Originally Posted by southbeacher

Already I'm stressing on Phase 1 - what if I'm in a restaurant and eat a fatty steak? What if I'm served a cheese omelet...of course it will be fried in butter and have full fat American in it. Then what?

Which is why it is so important to plan ahead when eating out. Having a full arsenal of available, on-plan foods is what makes this diet simple. You always have the ability to substitute in restaurants, there is no need to be bound to something off plan.

[zeffryn]

Ok, I've got to be honest. I question why you're not adding whole grains or fruit back into your diet. I realize that you're diabetic, but some strawberries are a heck of a lot better for your blood sugar levels than donuts and popcorn. popcorn, even without butter, is extremely high on the GI scale and should be avoided by diabetics, and eaten only rarely on south beach.

You say that fruit is a huge craving causer for you, as it is a lot of people, but donuts cannot be any better.

I hope you find something that works for you and something that can create peace in your mind and heart.