Hi everyone, I'm having a confidence crisis and thought I'd put it out here.
I'm turning 40 tomorrow , and I've been really looking forward for several months to a romantic date night with my hubby. We NEVER do it, and I'm hoping we'll enjoy ourselves and each other enough to start making it a more regular thing.
I've lost quite a bit of weight, and I've been dreaming about getting myself prettied up and hitting the town (well, really, just a romantic dinner ) together. I fit back into a dress I used to wear a few years ago that hubs really always liked me to wear (just a simple black dress, so still in style), so my plan has been to get all made up and wear the dress. Somehow, I always thought I looked great back then, even though I was the size I am now -- I think mostly because hubby always made me feel very desirable and sexy when I got myself fixed up. It was a fairly regular occurence back then.
Well I'm out of practice or something! I wear scrubs to work, I dress pretty frump-ily in my daily life, I have recently started wearing more make-up and spending a little more time on myself. But I'm freaking out about the idea of getting really dressed up and putting myself out there! I keep thinking "What are you trying to prove, you are still morbidly obese, you will not look great no matter WHAT you do, yeah, you've lost weight but it's a drop in the bucket, not even halfway there! Why try? What if someone looks at you and laughs that you are even making an effort when NOTHING you do is going to make you look good!"
You know, honestly, I didn't even realize I have this many self-loathing thoughts until now as I attempt to step out of my comfort zone -- a simple dress up and go out to dinner with your man occasion. What a shame! And I know exactly what I'd tell someone else -- ROCK THAT NEW SELF OF YOURS, KNOCK YOUR HUBBY'S SOCKS OFF AND HAVE FUN! But I secretly just want to crawl under a rock.
I AM getting dressed up, I'm going to "fake it till I make it", but I'm nervous!
Well if your hubby thought it was hot back then he will probably be really excited to see you in it again. Who cares what anyone else thinks? It's gonna be about you and your hubby. Try and have fun and try not to let other people get to you.
HaPPy BirTHdAy Shannon! You are so pretty and if hubby likes you to 'fancy up' you should! Many blessings and hope you have a wonderful time together--you've earned it!
Forget about everyone else and just focus on your husband Just let everything else fade into the background except him on your romantic date! Good luck and try to keep a lid on that negative self-talk. Once you show that inner voice that not only are you going through with it but you'll enjoy it too, I imagine it will be much quieter and easier to subdue.
Have a great time! You have accomplished so much you should be proud of already
happy birthday!!
i've been nervous and had those same thoughts when i've had somewhere to go, i worry someone will make a comment and all my built up confidence will be shot, but 99/100 times no one says anything, i have a great time and am left wondering why i worried so much. nobody at the restaurant will be paying attention to you except your hubby, and he will only be thinking good things about your appearance. get up, dress up, show up! (i cant remember who that quote is by) and have a great time!xx
90 lbs is in no way a drop in the bucket!!!!! 90 lbs is, I'd say, at LEAST 90 drops in the bucket!!! Of course, possibly more depending on how one measures "drops"!
You're going to look great, you're going to feel great. Maybe add a nice massage, mani, pedi to the prep--that's always good. You chould buy one of those store facial things too--make an afternoon of it, take time to primp, take a bath, use nice smelling things.
If you look confident, no one will make fun of you. Bullies don't bully confident people. And if someone does make fun of you--think of how sad it must be to be them! They have to make fun of someone else because they feel so ****ty about themselves. That's pretty pathetic!
You've done an amazing job! Keep it up, and give yourself some credit. It'll all be worth it when you walk out the door and your hubby's jaw drops to the ground, which I'm sure it will!
I think those feelings of anxiety and "I'm still so fat" are normal. At least, I had them, too! And I had a black dress that I loved when I bought it at a size, then gained up past it, and then I lost so I could wear it again... yeah, I understand what you're saying.
But please for yourself (and to some extent all of us), get all prettied up, go out and have a great time and then come back and tell us all about it!! I bet you experience a confidence boost in the end!!!
I want to second Paris's thoughts... make a day of it! Especially if going out is a rarity. Go by yourself or take a girlfriend if you want. Go to a spa, get done up, get a facial, the whole shebang. I bet you will leave feeling amazingly confident. Why? Because doing those kinds of things shows that you care enough about yourself to spend the time and money. You're worth it. And you are!
Then you will just be a shining, confident woman who is the apple of her husband's eye. I know I have had those moments where I didn't love myself enough, but my husband was drooling. I need to appreciate my hubby appreciating me, and I hope you do, too.
Take care and tell us how it goes. And happy birthday!
I want to second Paris's thoughts... make a day of it! Especially if going out is a rarity. Go by yourself or take a girlfriend if you want. Go to a spa, get done up, get a facial, the whole shebang. I bet you will leave feeling amazingly confident. Why? Because doing those kinds of things shows that you care enough about yourself to spend the time and money. You're worth it. And you are!
Then you will just be a shining, confident woman who is the apple of her husband's eye. I know I have had those moments where I didn't love myself enough, but my husband was drooling. I need to appreciate my hubby appreciating me, and I hope you do, too.
Take care and tell us how it goes. And happy birthday!
And that lady said everything I was about to say!!..
Just having all those things done - in particular the facial WITH makeup as well, will transform you and, if I was a betting person, I'd bet my bottom dollar you will not only look fab but feel it as well!
Happy Birthday and go and have a wizz of a time with your hubby!!
Aww, you're such a beautiful woman! Everyone is nervous about these things but DON'T be. I understand the scrubs and frumpy...I live it too. I'm trying to get more fun with hair and makeup because I really don't want to buy clothes right now...not until I drop a couple sizes...anyway. You're beautiful and I bet you your husband will be so excited to see you all dressed up and CONFIDENT. Have fun, own your look and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
I totally get how you feel, I feel totally stupid even putting on a dress/skirt and heels for something that's not a big to do, like a chubby little girl playing dress up. But everyone else is right, it's a special night, just go out and enjoy yourself and forget what everybody but your husband might think; undoubtedly, he'll think you look amazing. Take your own advice, go out there and rock your hot self!
Thank you all so much for your kind and encouraging words! So much! I'm not going to a spa today (though a GREAT idea for next time!), but I did my toes up pretty, then since I work every weekend and took this rare Sunday off, went to the movies with my daughter, sis and aunt.
Now I'm off to pretti-fy. Going to spend a good long time doing myself up. My hubs is being really sweet today, totally on board with our date night, so I'm not going to let on that I'm feeling iffy about the whole thing. I'm going to pretend I have tons of confidence and that I can't WAIT to have him all to myself.
Wow, what a GREAT night!!!! Anyone who's been doing the work, kiddos, bills, daily life grind and putting off having a romantic date night, don't wait!
As I was getting ready, I started to get that old sparkle in my eye, almost felt like I was going to prom. Darren was so sweet to me, told me I looked fantastic, opened the car door for me, walked me in to the restaurant on his arm, even called me Toots! haha And he just looked so handsome all dressed up in his suit.
The restaurant was so romantic! They gave us a table right next to the fireplace, he sat right next to me. The service was not rushed at all, lots of time to enjoy a couple glasses of wine and some conversation that was NOT about our day to day. The food was worth every calorie. We came back home and had a little more wine, stayed up late, and just really enjoyed each other.
This night really was important for me. For the first time in a long time, I really felt like Shannon. Not someone's mom, someone's nurse, someone's taxi, just a woman who is very much in love and confident enough to live amongst the rest of the world. And one thing's for sure about date nights, seeing your husband again in that light for a little while is going to make it SO much easier to tolerate the annoying crap he does daily to get on my nerves.
Success, and thank you all again, so much, for the support. You all were right - I just had to get out there and DO IT! FUN!!!
Feeling really nervous to dress up!
, and I've been really looking forward for several months to a romantic date night with my hubby. We NEVER do it, and I'm hoping we'll enjoy ourselves and each other enough to start making it a more regular thing. 
) together. I fit back into a dress I used to wear a few years ago that hubs really always liked me to wear (just a simple black dress, so still in style), so my plan has been to get all made up and wear the dress. Somehow, I always thought I looked great back then, even though I was the size I am now -- I think mostly because hubby always made me feel very desirable and sexy when I got myself fixed up. It was a fairly regular occurence back then. 
I'll report back tomorrow!
We came back home and had a little more wine, stayed up late, and just really enjoyed each other. 
