i'm really depressed about the past couple days
i guess it wasn't necessarily a binge, but it was a long string of bad eating
it started with what seemed to be a harmless subway sandwich ..that made my stomach upset..which was actually neat to me, because it must mean that other times my eating is pretty healthy..if just a couple slices of cheese are going to make me queasy
later that night i got pulled out to dinner at a mexican restaurant..got two soft fajita tacos, refried beans and a diet coke..there was an appetizer of some kinda cheese with chorizo that i ate a little bit of..didn't eat any of the rice on my plate
ok...so..that day didn't seem too awful..i could have definitely lived with that and not even really felt all that bad about it
next day (yesterday) ..chinese take-out for breakfast/lunch (fried rice, crunchy beef with a few veggies, and battered shrimp :P ) ..and a diet coke
for dinner....whataburger :/
i'm also starting to lose motivation to workout..i don't really understand why, i started out loving every bit of it, even if it was hard at times.......
i just feel like i am defeated and am lost in my own pity party thinking ..how will i ever be able to do this ? ...i've done it before..but how will i do it this time ?
the days this normally happens are the days my husband is home from work..not blaming him at all (though he doesn't help, heheh) ..but on those days i am sooo lazy and don't feel like cooking anything..i just want to spend the day relaxing with him.......we both also tend to eat worse when it's getting close to when we need to grocery shop..even if we still have stuff we could make...i don't get that....we jest, and call each other fat enablers :/ ..it's not really funny anymore though
i need more willpower..i need to be able to better say no to myself..and to listen to myself when i say no......definitely feels like a war going on inside of me....why aren't i tough enough ! why does it seem like my mind is made up and it wants me to be fat ?
all of my goals, weight loss related or not..seem so distant and more difficult than they should be
i have lost weight since starting, but not as much as i would like to be..at least 2lbs a week would be nice..maybe a pound more sometimes....but it has been more like 1lb a week...and i KNOW i could change this by tweaking these few eating problems....i don't like the idea of increasing my exercise to something more high impact..i just want to keep to my bar method and yoga..for now at least
i feel like crying over this..but i know i just have to keep going.....but..how can i ever achieve anything with my diminishing self-discipline..
edit: not to mention, the day i got subway was also the day i weighed-in and had lost 2lbs..and the day before that i had taken measurements for the second time and lost a good amount of inches.....why is it when i have made a mini succuss, i go and do things that can ruin it ??????