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Old 01-30-2011, 02:09 PM   #1
Effort = Success
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 198

S/C/G: 212/126/120

Height: 5'5"

Default Frustrated... Depressed...

I've been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia for about 2 years now, and I had serious problems from it a year before that. Looking back some of the aches and pains never seemed normal compared to every other kid around me but it wasn't ever painful enough to worry about. Stress, over-working myself, not sleeping... I have no idea what might have caused it, maybe all of the above. I've also always had bowel problems. I wake up between 4-6am every morning because of my bowels. If there is a day or two of relief then it's just the rest of me that kicks it up a notch and I still feel horrible. I don't have medical and don't have money. That's just lingering at the back of my mind though. I am trying to keep myself healthy on top of every day chores along with college followed by needing an income and new place to live in a few months. I have no idea how to achieve this considering I've barely dug myself out of being in pain and literally doing nothing but sit in bed with a heating pad. I can hardly handle my pain, staying healthy, keeping the house clean, grocery shopping, cooking and school... I don't know what I'm going to do. I've applied for SSI and I've applied for state medical but they say that I am not considered disabled. I seem and look perfectly fine, I can bend and stoop and lift. I can walk a pretty good amount... but only for so long. I can do all of those things but doing them consistently every day... I'm so stressed out over everything. My family doesn't understand what I'm going through much less care to. They keep telling me to find work and to finish school and to lose weight. I wouldn't want anyone to ever have to suffer from this but if there was a way to show them; make them feel what I feel... I'm battling myself and the world around me. I feel like I've already lost every single day because of this problem. I used to be so active and productive. I even did have a very active job in high school.

Since my graduation 2 years ago I had:
-been arrested falsely
-gained 50lbs
-been kicked out of my house
-been homeless for almost a year
-lost my medical
-family trauma/drama
-started smoking
-lost myself

Sorry for the long rant but I need some reassurance that things will work out. I just feel lazy even though I'm doing the best I can to get better and function...

P.S. I haven't smoked for over two months! ^_^
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