Hey all, sorry in advance for the rant! I just don't feel super comfortable talking about this in real life.
So I already mentioned this in the 20-somethings thread, but a few days ago, I was talking to the boy I had kinda sorta been seeing about how slippery it was outside (because of a bad ice storm). His response was something like "you're fat- you should have tried sliding around on your stomach."
After receiving some fabulous advice from the ladies on here and my best friend in real life, I was feeling a liiiittle bit better, and agreed to be set up on a blind date. Personality-wise, we clicked remarkably well...then later I find out from our mutual friend that afterward he said "She was totally awesome, so I feel terrible about this, but I'm not...not attracted to...certain kinds of people."
At this point I'm already praying for the earth to swallow me whole and feeling like a whale, but my (also overweight) friend convinced me to go out to a bar with her last night. Things are going great, till we overhear the guys next to us say this:
Guy #1: Hey, should we hit on those girls later?
Guy #2: Yeah, okay.
Guy #1: Oh, wait, they're both fat. Nevermind.
To clarify, I am a size 12! When did size 12 become the new size 50?! And when did it become okay for everyone in the world to talk this way? Needless to say, after this week, my self-esteem has been beyond obliterated. Ugh.
i'm sorry you feel so bad due to others ignorance. But I think you are looking at this the wrong way. Sounds like to me you have dodged some bullets. Who would want to spend time with boys who act like that. Yes it's nice to liked for ur appearance but in the long run that isn't important.
You really shouldn't feel so bad about the actions of others! If that guy you went on a blind date with is throwing away the fact that you guys had a great time and great chemistry because of something superficial, that is HIS problem, not yours. If some random guys you don't even know make negative comments about you and your friend, again, THEIR problem, not yours! You don't want to be dating guys who act that way anyway, so why let it bother you? They're not worth your time at all.
You've made great progress on your weight loss so far, and you should be proud of that. Whenever you're feeling down because of negative comments, just think of all that you've accomplished and all the wonderful things about yourself and don't let it get to you.
Last edited by KenzideRhae; 01-23-2011 at 06:26 PM.
I'm slightly older than you and my conclusion is that these guys aren't the kind of guys that you want in your life.
Sure, it sucks that all these things happened in the same week, but it doesn't say anything about you, it says a lot more about them.
One of the things that you'll hopefully realize when the hurt of these comments goes away is that you don't want guys like these. You want a guy who loves you regardless of your weight, who sees you for who you are.
Guys can be pretty shallow because they're just wired to be visual creatures, but they don't have to be rude. All of these guys were being rude and shallow.
There are some good guys out there who'll see you and think you are amazing and beautiful, regardless of your weight.
Your post turned my stomach into a knot, because I know exactly how you feel.
I'd say I'm a pretty confident girl, but when my (previously incredibly kind) grandmother's alzheimers got to the point where she started making ugly comments about my weight in front of everyone, I wanted to disappear into the wall and die. I knew it was part of her illness, but it was playing right into my illness...hating myself.
The guys haven't been better. And there's not much anyone can say as an excuse. I know what you're thinking - "Yes, they're *******s, but they still chose to comment on my weight, so it's definitely me."
Here's the way I look at it now. My dad has this expression, "getting on your hind legs." It's like getting an indignant, 'who the **** do you think you're talking to,' additude. And you deserve it. Look at what you've accomplished! Look at where you've decided to be Don't you dare forget where you're headed - and keep thinking about how sorry those kind of *******s are going to be when you walk right past them in a few months.
So the guy told you that "You're fat - you should have tried sliding around on your stomach." yet had enough tact in that other conversation to say "She was totally awesome, so I feel terrible about this, but I'm not...not attracted to...certain kinds of people."? Admittedly I may be jumping to conclusions, but I think he's the type I was talking about in my other post that's just using Asperger's as the medicalization of being a jerk. That's a good thing to know so you don't waste any more time and energy on him.
And as for those guys at the bar...sometimes guys just suck. I'm sorry you had all of this happen to you in the same week, though. That's tough. *Virtual hug*
Oh heck, *BIG HUG* for you. People are jackasses and you don't need them and all that but I understand it's impossible not to internalize those kinds of comments.
Hold your head up high and most importantly don't eat your feelings or you're letting them win. You've lost a bunch of weight already and you are on track to losing more.
I dont get it either. Im a size 14 and I dont think I look terrible, but I have heard losts and lots of men say they would never date anyone over a size 8. People are ignorant sometimes, I swear. So vein and superficial. Not the types of people that are worth bothering with. I feel so lucky now, my husband loves me, no matter what I weigh.
You will find someone worthy of you, just remember how awesome and amazing you are. dont let their crap egos get you down.
As a health professional who works with women, I see women in all shapes and sizes, and sometimes really big at the end of their pregnancies. I see them looking like **** at the end of long hard labours etc.
I have never met a woman I didn't think was attractive, beautiful even.
As I get to know a new client, I just enjoy her and generally like people more and more, and miss them when I discharge them. About the only time I think about her weight is when I write down her BMI on intake and then after pregnancy if I am giving weight loss advice. That advice is based on health, nothing more in my mind. I already know she is lovely, the weight loss is for her benefit, not mine.
( I love the guys the same, men tend to be wonderful in labour, so I mostly get to see the best of them. )
You current weight is what I was at my peak last year. (well actually Nov 2009) My husband has only loved me and supported me for my health, not because he didn't love me as I was. I hope and pray for you that you find someone who cares about you right!
lol not worth your time. you don't need to impress anyone, let alone some guy who would only be interested in you to bone you. keep your standards high when you're within their standards and stay far, far away.
Rough week- Dating disasters
Don't you dare forget where you're headed - and keep thinking about how sorry those kind of *******s are going to be when you walk right past them in a few months.
