But the situation has just gotten worse and I don't know what to do.
My mom is a complete psychopath. She lies about everything, she has a prescription drug addiction, she's constantly calling me names and putting me down and making me miserable. She always tells me I'm not welcome in her house, and tonight she told me she wasn't going to pay for my food anymore so I could "stay fat" because apparently I never cook and clean (when I was in the middle of scooping the seeds out of a squash to cook for dinner).
I want to leave but I can't. I've been looking for a job for a month and can't find anything. She's destroyed all relationships with the rest of my family so if I were to call and ask any of them if I could stay with them she would turn it around on me and act like I was having a mental breakdown. Last time we got in a fight she threatened to throw my cat out into the cold if I left.
I have no money, no car, no job, no friends, no family. Just my psychotic verbally abusive mother. Nobody will hire me, I can't even get an interview, and I feel so trapped here (I applied for 30+ places). What in the world can I do?
WOW i seriously could have wrote that myself. I know exactly how you feel and i was in your same position this time last year. My mother is also a lying, manipulating, prescription drug addict. I also don't speak to anyone on my mothers side of the family because she has totally ruined any relationship with all of them and told me lies my whole life to make me hate them and now that i know better its to late. My mother wasted thousands of dollars on drugs and thats all she ever cared about. There is no "mother-daughter" relationship with someone who is addicted to prescription drugs. I basically turned into the parent trying to make sure she didn't overdose or leave the oven on and kill us. The best and only way to solve this is by moving. Apply everywhere! The job market sucks i know but even places like mcdonalds and walmart gets $10+/hr and honestly once you get a job you will meet people. Just want you to know your not alone! Im here if you ever need to vent
Thank you so much. I've cooled off a bit and my mom and I made up but that doesn't make everything "better"...I just know that I have to do it to make my life easier.
I applied for McDonald's, Subway, Wal*Mart, Target, local pizza places, pretty much everywhere.
She's not a bad person, she just has a lot of anger and other issues. I add fuel to the fire by arguing back, but at this point its hard not to. I can only take so much screaming before I snap too. I think our relationship would be 100 times better if I moved. I've already gotten tons of helpful advice on job hunting in the other thread, so I think I have that covered, but the problem is that nobody is hiring.
Thank you for the kind words, I really needed it. My mom doesn't have nearly as bad as a drug problem as yours, and I'm really really sorry you had to go through that. Nobody deserves that. As far as I know, my mom has stopped taking them for the most part and only does it occasionally now, and she's fully functional. It doesn't make it bother me any less that I know she still takes them sometimes though.
I wanted to reply to this yesterday but my daughter needed something and I never got back to it. I thought about it all night. As a mom, I want you to know your mother should build you up, not tear you down. You are not the problem, she is. You can not have a good relationship with a drug addict, you can't even have any kind of relationship with the person, you are dealing with their addiction.
My advice is reach out to your most sane family members. I promise you, they know your mother for what she is. Reasonable people will not turn you away because of your mom!
How old are you? Can you get student loans and go back to school? Live in a dorm, work on campus, forget having a car, do some odd jobs here and there (I did a lot of babysitting which pays in cash and adds up fast, especially if you can get some regulars)? It would be a frugal four years, but you would be on your own and cutting ties with your mom. You can not depend on an undependable person.
Also, there are support groups for families of drug addicts. Please find one! You need to learn now to disengage from your mom and truly understand that her craziness is about HER and not you!
WeightForMe, I want you to know that it is never too late to reach out to family. Your mother may have been a barrier between you and them but really, people will know her for what she is. Unless they seem as dysfunctional as she is (in which case, why poke crazy if it's leaving you alone?), reach out! They probably WANT to know you and WANT a chance to be family!
I don't know if anyone else has recommended this, but you should look for Al-Anon meetings. Those might help you handle the situation at home and who knows, you might be able to network to get you a job and out of your house.
Al-Anon is for folks who have to deal with family members who are addicted to alcohol and other drugs.
I grew up in your situation, as well - add alcohol, schizophrenia/bi-polar tendencies, and physical abuse and that was "home".
I went the student loan route and got the **** out of dodge. I know I'll have to pay them back, but I now have the tools I need to do it, and the space and peace of mind to heal after so many years of abuse. My school has a great work-study program, and job-placement help for while you're in school and after you've graduated, which most universities have.
You can also contact local churches to see if they have any job-networking resources they've set up with members of their congregation.
Put out advertisements for dog walking, babysitting, house sitting - anything to get you out of the house for a couple of hours, and a few bucks in your pocket.
While I was going through that whole mess, my saving grace that kept me "sane" was knowing at any given moment I had enough for a bus ticket out of there - and that the choice to stay was mine alone. That thought encouraged me to view my prison as a tool and a shelter that I was *using* to get something better.
I don't need any kind of help group, the drugs really aren't the problem. She acts totally functional, and the reason we argue isn't because of them. Honestly I thought she kicked them until a couple of weeks ago when she was acting strange and told me she still takes them sometimes. I don't know how often she takes them but hopefully it's not a lot.
Even before that started, my mom and I have never had a good relationship. One second we can be talking and laughing and getting along, and then the next second we're at each others throats. We have a very love/hate relationship. My mom has never neglected me and has given me everything I've ever wanted. I feel almost selfish posting about her downfalls online. I just can't take all of the fighting and screaming and name calling anymore. The past year or so has been the worst...the other night she called me horrible names and said she hated me because I wouldn't try the shrimp she made. I HATE shrimp. I have given it a chance, and I hate it. Why would you say those things to me for not trying the shrimp? It's ridiculous. I don't feel welcome here anymore. She usually apologizes for saying things like "I'm not a part of her family", but by then the damage is already done. It hurts.
Anyway, I'm going job hunting tomorrow morning. Wish me luck!
I've posted about this before...
