[Tammy B]

I started the last leg of this weight loss adventure weighing in at 242 lbs., and I am 5'7". I currently weigh 150ish (can give or take a few pounds from day to day). How did I do this? I bought a treadmill over a year ago and I am ADDICTED to it. I have turned my food addictions into GOTTA EXERCISE addictions. So, here I am, 32, just bought a size 6 skirt from Target, and I am NOW in counseling. I have having the hardest time in my life with the new me. I am out of my shell and very uncomfortable. I am not used to the attention I get from MEN, or women for that matter. Certain women are nicer to me because I am thin, where certain women are jealous of me, and that hurts the most. But anyway, I am searching for "tools" to use to get comfortable with me. I do not want to go back to my old habits, and I am trying desperatley to learn to love myself, and be comfortable with myself. Can anyone offer suggestions? This really is a very serious matter. I always thought things would be perfect if only I were thin, and you know what? I still have issues and seem to have MORE bad days.

[jackslady]

One of the hardest things we deal with after having lost the weight is exactly the problems you are having. First of all, you are going to have to give others time to adjust to the new you. YOU MUST think of yourself now. Yes, there are always those that are jealous, but truth be known, they feel more guilt than jealousy so take that into consideration and don't be too hard on them.

As for unwanted attention, work on a good withering glance when you find yourself in that situation.

Now for you. Hold your head up high and be proud of your accomplishment. Take it one day at a time just like you did losing the weight. In time, you will find that this all just kind of goes away as long as you realize that no matter what, it is something new and needs to be adjusted to not only by others but by yourself also. Do not concentrate on it, just let yourself deal with one situation at a time. You can do this just like you did when you worked so hard at losing the weight. One of the things you might want to consider is volunteering for something. Those you volunteer for whether they be children or adults, are only concerned with how you can help them and not what you look like. This may also ease you over the hump!

I am very proud of what you have done and I am sure you look as beautiful inside as outside.

Donna Wilkinson

[boiaby]

Congratulations on your amazing accomplishment! I'm starting to worry about these things myself. I have taken off 116 lbs. and have 54 lbs. more to go which will put me at my goal of 150 lbs. I'm certainly not as uncomfortable in public as I used to be at 320+ lbs. but I'm still uncomfortable just the same. I don't know what to do with myself now. I got so used to hiding behind the fat that now I feel totally exposed. Like everyone is looking at me even though I know they aren't. And everyone who knew me before feels like they have to talk to me about what I've done and how I've done it. Which is hard since everything about my physical appearance has always been ignored in the past. (at least in front of me, anyway) I find it difficult to accept compliments at face value because they are so foreign to me. I thought I would look forward to new attention from men, but now I'm not so sure. If you find any advice that helps you please let us know. I'm sure others are going through the same things right now.

Beverly

[hottie]

Congratulations on such an accomplishment!! WOW! You all are TRULY INSPIRING and are great motivators and are tremendously encouraging!!
I can see how accepting compliments can be hard to do. I am seeing snips of this "problem" just from my minimal weight loss. It's as though nobody paid attention before and now, you have all kinds of attention. In some ways (with the example of people talking to you about how you've done it/what you've done) it is a form of invasion of privacy--now, all of a sudden, there's interest.

I think the key is to believe what people are telling you. I think our society is so looks-oriented and anti-fat, that as former or current fat people, we have not had the pleasures of receiving compliments. It's all artifical sounding because it's new. It never ceases to amaze me how someone is considered "attractive" if they are "normal size" yet-they lack any beauty face-wise. Yet, if one is fat with a beautiful face, they are not considered "attractive."
I think all of this (losing weight/dealing with it) DOES come from inside. It's what we all tell ourselves. We need to learn to accept ourselves and look INWARD for our own self-esteem. That is the hardest thing in the world for me to battle right now...I do see how the more I lose and definitely when I become "regular size" I will be facing these issues as well. One thing that bothers me, is, I see how I will be receiving a lot of compliments soley because of "looks." Sure, they will (and are starting now) to compliment me on my accomplishments-BUT-again, it is soley based on looks/not really having anything to do with the type of person I am. That's the biggest hurddle to me. It would be nice to be noticed for other accomplishments NOT associated soley on my appearance. I suppose it IS just the nature of our society *sigh.*
I think counseling is a great idea! It really helps to have a neutral person to help you see things more clearly/positive. To be able to talk about and focus on you (something that has been foreign for so many years) is really a blessing.
Good luck to all of you! and CONGRATULATIONS!! You have worked VERY HARD!! It will give you the confidence to succeed in other areas of your life as well! Thanks for sharing!

[RobinW]

Tammy, Congratulations on all your hard work!!

Best advice? Stay in counselling and talk to your counsellor about how your feeling. The worst thing you could do, is start eating to hide behind your fat. If you need a cocoon to hide in, buy bulky clothing and wear that until you start to feel better in your new skin. With the warmer weather coming, try over shirts, and light weight jackets to wear over a t-shirt and jeans. This will hide your shape a bit, and maybe give you a small sense of security as well.

But be proud of what you have done, and dont let others take it away from you!! You've come to far to go back. Give yourself time, you will be fine.

Robin

[Laughter]

Congratulations - you've done a terrific job!

Once upon a time, I lost quite a bit of weight (70 lbs.) and it was such a strange feeling for me - wonderful, but akward and uncomfortable at the same time. Especially when folks started noticing. And guys flirting . . . oh, I just didn't know what to do with that at all. It was almost like I didn't know how to be happy, you know?

Then I realized some of my thinner friends had been dealing with these things all along - the comments, the flirting, all of it. So I found one or two friends that carried themselves the way I wished I could and watched how they handled things. I learned by watching. I also confided in one of those friends and she was a great help in working out specific situations.

Stick with therapy and find a couple of friends you really trust - you'll work this out, I promise!