Why do some people not notice you loosing weigh? jealousy ? - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

MoEstrada23 · 08-20-2010, 12:35 PM

Hi everybody,
so I have been working soooo hard eating good still on phase 1 and working out 2 hours a day kick boxing. Kick boxing is a hard workout and i am proud of my self for doing this sticking to eat so far so good. So my aunt who recdntly lost weigh she looks amazing by the way. She came over had not seen her in a few weeks people who see me everyday notice my weigh loss. She told me that i should loose weigh and join a gym that i look very fat. I could not believe she said that my jaw dropped. I figured sense you haven't seen me you see a change and she really hurt my feelings. My mom was there and she got upset because she knows how hard i been working and she could see my weigh dropping from my clothes to my face. So why do people notice you are loosing weigh but don't want to tell you? is it jealousy ? i praise people that are loosing weigh and encourage them to keep going. Has anyone encountered anything like this before? it's like people are quick to tell you that your fat or need to loose weigh as if we are stupid and don't own a mirror? i dont get it whrn we loose weigh no one says anything. I almost broke my diet because of her rude comments i felt it was not working.

BritMW · 08-20-2010, 12:41 PM

Don't break your diet! Ignore her!
How rude of her to say that! Yes, I would consider that jealousy, you said she lost weight recently and now you are doing great and you'll steal away the attention and I say; DO JUST THAT!

My grandma is the same way, she has been a size 2 all her life and once I was at goal last time she asked, "you don't want to lose any more???" What kind of question is that! I had lost 56lbs!!!
LoL.
There will always be those people who bring you down, don't pay any attention to them.
Keep on keepin' on! Sounds like you are doing great!

Tarisaande · 08-20-2010, 12:44 PM

Just a few potential comments why people may not comment. There are lots more.

1) Not everyone notices as easily that someone else has lost weight. I am one of these people. If I see someone frequently and they gain 10 pounds over the course of a year, I won't notice it. One of my dear friends, who was slim when I met her, gained probably 20-30 pounds during the time I knew her, maybe even a little more, and it took me about 3 YEARS to realize she wasn't so skinny anymore.

2) People that DON'T see you often may not remember exactly how you looked before, and the difference may not be great enough for them to notice yet

3) Weight is a touchy subject. They may not want to comment because they are a) unsure and don't want to insult you if you HAVEN'T lost weight, or b) think you might get offended or upset

bargoo · 08-20-2010, 12:46 PM

You don't say what your weight is but if you are at your highest weight of 160 and you are 5'4" you are overweight but I hardly think you qualify for the fat lady in the circus. I think your aunt is so proud of her weight loss that she thinks everybody needs to lse 20 pounds. DO NOT LET HER GET YOU DOWN. Sometimes people don't say anything as they are afraid they might offend you and others just aren't sure. They might wonder if you are losing because you are ill. And sometimes they are just dense. Someday they will be complementing you. STAY STONG !

rdw1 · 08-20-2010, 04:51 PM

Sounds like she is really a rude woman, even if you had gained 10 lbs that is not something nice to say to anyone! I say ignore her and keep on keepin on... I also think if it was me, well, I am a bit mouthy... I would tell her if she can't say anything nice just keep to herself! Don't be rude though, sounds like she would just feed off that.... some people!

Ignore and move on

You're doing great and you are doing this for YOU don't let others get you down!

Natasha1534 · 08-20-2010, 05:03 PM

Wow...I'm sorry to say this about your aunt but she sounds EXTREMELY rude. Maybe she didn't mean for it to come out that way but that's no excuse. I'm glad you didn't break your diet...you just keep plugging away and you show her!!!

And next time she says something that rude I think your response should be "Oh...how embarrassing for you. I've actually LOST weight. Perhaps you should make an appointment w/ your eye doctor???"

femmecreole · 08-20-2010, 05:15 PM

I tell my kids at school. "Before any words come out of your mouth, think first: Will what I say make someone feel bad or feel good? If the answer isn't feel good, don't say anything"

My second graders understand it pretty well. Grown ups? uh, not so much.

rdw1 · 08-20-2010, 06:28 PM

@ Cat- LOVE IT!

MoEstrada23 · 08-20-2010, 07:08 PM

Thank you! all you ladies made me feel so much better and thanks to your replies i am extremely motivated...thanks

kaplods · 08-20-2010, 11:37 PM

My husband's mom sent him a letter, what we (hubby and I) have been calling the "you're fat letter."

In the letter, his mom essentially laid on a big guilt trip. It started out with "I'm worried about you" both in tone and content, but the main theme was how much my husband's weight is hurting HER and how much she hates to see us joking about our weights and getting bigger and bigger and bigger.

And the timing of this letter? After hubby and I each have lost about 80 lbs or more each.

I'm still not entirely sure the motive behind the letter. Did she notice our weight loss and want to take some credit for it, thinking the "concern letter" was a way to take credit for any of our future weight loss (although pretending that she didn't see the weight loss and accusing us of gaining when we were losing, seems highly odd).

Hubby thinks it was a deliberate attempt at "revenge" for something earlier in the week (him not giving her enough praise for something she was bragging about, or something. Or maybe it was turning down an invitation - I'm not sure. Hubby says this is actually a pattern with her and he's written several "I'm so disappointed in you" letters not only related to his weight, but to his career choices and choice in women (apparently she approved of me - until she realized I wasn't going to "fix" her son - or even attempt to).

People do things for a lot of reasons, and as difficult as it is to figure out from the outside, I think people often don't know themselves. I don't know if MIL was trying to hurt us, or if she really doesn't understand her own motives. Maybe she had convinced herself we really were gaining weight instead of losing it. I don't know, and I don't really have the time or energy to waste on figuring it out.

I guess the only helpful insight I can give, is don't let other people's crazy become your crazy.

museumchick · 08-21-2010, 09:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Natasha1534

Wow...I'm sorry to say this about your aunt but she sounds EXTREMELY rude. Maybe she didn't mean for it to come out that way but that's no excuse. I'm glad you didn't break your diet...you just keep plugging away and you show her!!!

And next time she says something that rude I think your response should be "Oh...how embarrassing for you. I've actually LOST weight. Perhaps you should make an appointment w/ your eye doctor???"

I absolutely LOVE that response!!! I'd use that if I were you. I mean, if she's not going to have the decency not to be rude to you, then why not give her a little of her own back? See if she can take it as well as she dishes it! LOL

All kidding aside, some people like that simply are socially inept. They don't get the subtle cues that people send that what they just said was offensive. Those people need to be told (in NO uncertain terms), that what they said was rude and uncalled for. Sometimes the light bulb finally comes on for them and they stop. If not, you did all you could do to get them to see.

Natasha1534 · 08-21-2010, 03:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brown

It's like pregnant women being offended that nobody comments that they're pregnant..well some people are afraid they're just fat. Weight and size are touchy.

Now I don't get (and I don't think I ever WILL) the "proud" thing...but I totally get this one!!! I had a good friend that I hadn't seen in a while and I ran into him and his wife at Target. She looked like she might be pregnant but, the way she was carrying it, it also looked like she could've just put on a little weight. So I didn't mention it. Long story short, he deployed again and when he came home he called to tell me that his wife had had the baby. I told him then that I had THOUGHT she was pregnant when I saw them at Target but didn't want to say anything just in case. He just laughed and said "yeah, what's that old thing about how you don't ASSUME a woman is pregnant unless she's got a sonogram in hand w/ her name on it and a baby on board t-shirt???" LOL

Windchime · 08-21-2010, 04:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Natasha1534

I told him then that I had THOUGHT she was pregnant when I saw them at Target but didn't want to say anything just in case. He just laughed and said "yeah, what's that old thing about how you don't ASSUME a woman is pregnant unless she's got a sonogram in hand w/ her name on it and a baby on board t-shirt???" LOL

Oh, for sure! When I am in doubt, I says something like, "So, what's new?" Usually if they are pregnant, they will respond by somehow indicating the pregnancy. I don't ever say anything unless I know for sure because I have read so many times here how people's feelings have been hurt by others assuming they are pregnant. I would not want to chance making someone feel that bad, so I don't assume!