[ladycarbivore]

At the moment I feel like there is no hope.

No matter how I try everyday, no matter how many vows and promises I make to myself I can't seem to get my bingeing in control. Fo the past month and a half I've been struggling, on a regular basis finding ways to get food and eating and eating then feeling really guilty.

For the month of May, I had lost 10lbs and was aiming to make June another 10lbs month. I don't know what happened but I completely blew it one night, then that led to continuous binges and overeating sessions.

I've been going through a lot of stress for the past 3 months or so, and I am assuming this is why I am doing this, but because of my diabetes that I am trying to control with diet and exercise....I really can't afford these habits yet it doesn't stop me.

I can eat copious amounts of food, almost subhuman levels, it's scary how much I can pack away in one sitting. I want to stop so bad, I need to reach my weight loss goal but I am having such a hard time.

I live alone and spend every evening by myself, which makes it so easy to have this habit because nobody will ever see me. When I'm at work I don't overeat at all, in fact I take healthy lunches with me, it's when I get home I start planning out my binge. Last night after purposely seeking out the grocery store for binge worthy goods I ate a small tub of macaroni salad, 3 pizza buns, 2 chocolate chip cookies, and 3/4 of a large bag of chips. I immediately regretted it and felt so bad that I tried to make myself throw up which didn't work. I only ended up with a tender throat from ramming my finger down it. I would never cut it as a binge and purger.

I am desparate to change this, for my health and longevity...but I don't know how. I was doing so well for months on end, but each time I slip back into this rut it gets harder and harder to climb out.

[cheerios]

i feel ya i been on a 3 week binge and its hard for me to get back on track because i live with people but you live on your own so you should take that as an advantage and not stuff your home with junk food only buy stuff that is healthy...buy frozen meals so you can heat them up quickly before you advert to fast food..just try to think that it was okay for you to binge and its just a chance for you to learn from your binge..i'm kind of learning because of my 3week binge i gained 5lbs and that set me back in the weight loss game because now i have to work harder to lose another 5lbs that i put back on myself because of my binges..try to start each day new till you get it right and you start to get back on track..or try to make a plan and stick iwth it

[Lizaly]

I've been there, too. Just don't give up! You need to find something that works for you. I've tried so many different things and failed over and over again. I've been to a point where I tried to make myself throw up, too. And it did work and that was dangerous. I did it two or three times, but got rid of it before it became a habit.

Last time I binged was 32days ago. That's huge for me.
I've been eating the same breakfast for 32days now, different lunches everyday and I try to find a dinner that I could eat every day, too. It's working for me. I buy the same foods everytime I go to the grocery store, I don't have to think too much of what to eat. I like my breakfast and it makes me feel satisfied. Also, I don't count day by day anymore. I count day1, week1 and than start again with day 1, week 2.
I do this because I noticed everytime I got to a number of days on which I binged, that number would scare me and I would end up binging again.
I also hope that this way, I won't have to count calories all the time. With the same reasonable breakfast and dinner everyday, lunch won't have a great impact on my maintenance if I don't go completely overboard. And if I do, I can have a lighter lunch the following day. Or if I eat chocolates at friends'
you will find out what works for you eventually. Maybe try and see a counselor? I'm on a waiting list to see one.

[going2bskinny]

maybe you aren't eating often enough I am a binge eater too and I started a diet where I eat every 3 hours now and I have been able to keep the binge eating in control with it. I posted a thread about it in this section if you want to check it out.

[motivated chickie]

I feel your pain. I've done extreme binges too where I eat so much, I can't breathe. And then I eat more. I've probably packed away 5,000 calories in a night easily. I went into eating disorder treatment 2 years ago and that helped a lot. Insurance paid for it & I lost 25 pounds.

But I'm not cured. For the past 6 weeks I've been in relapse and haven't been able to string more than 3 binge free days together. Last night I binged on pancakes, Twizzlers, and a huge bag of Doritos. God, why do I do that? But I keep trying. I treat every day like a new day & I don't give up.

I tend to be binge free when I practice healthy habits. I like to eat the same healthy foods and exercise daily. Exercise at night has helped me from late binges. Also, I try to minimize stress in my life and get a lot of sleep. Also, I try to keep up my friendships. I have noticed that I don't feel like overeating when I've spent quality time with a friend.

Try to get 24 hours without a binge under your belt. Find out what your binge triggers are and eliminate them. Also, try to relax. The harder you are on yourself, the more your stress.

I'm glad you posted because I need the help too. Keep posting and I will too. Maybe we can help each other out.

[ladycarbivore]

I definitely know what my triggers are.

-grocery shopping...even if I have the full intent to buy only healthy foods, I somehow manage to buy junk here and there

-hunger...if i don't eat enough during the day, by the time work is done I am hitting the corner or grocery store to stuff my face, then even eat dinner too.

-stress...that's a killer, the past 3 months have been very stressful and I've been dealing with it by binging and gaining 12lbs

-boredom...I find that if I am planted in front of the t.v, I'm most likely to overeat or execute a binge

I am going to take that advice and eat 6 small meals a day. I don't eat enough throughout the day because I obsess over calories and I almost always wind up pigging out when I get home. It has to stop, my health can't afford it anymore and I am losing my mind. I need to get back into the healthy zone I was in for quite a while, until a stressfull event threw me into this tailspin I'm stuck in.

Thanks for all your support, tomorrow I'm going to pick up some groceries and I'm going to test myself to not buy anything I shouldn't eat and also ensure I have enough food to accomodate my mini meals.

[girlonfire]

I think we all believe our binges are the worst ever and that no human could possibly eat as much as we do. Not to diminish binges or their destructive effect, I find it helpful to take a step back and stop shaming. Telling yourself that your binges are "subhuman" and that no other person could possibly eat that much isolates you and makes you feel alone. I have eaten a entire package of precooked chicken, 1/2 gallon ice cream, bag of pretzels, candy, and 2 eclairs(one of my worst ones ever). And yet, I have seen and read stories of people who easily eat TWICE that amount. An important step is recognizing that we are NOT alone in the binge struggle and not to shame ourselves for the amount we have eaten. All we can do is pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and keep on trucking. Think of weight loss as the Oregon Trail game: we have a destination in mind and although there might be some dysentery(binges), we have to keep going to get there and as long as we get there intact we've succeeded!

And trust me, it is a GOOD thing you didn't purge. It is very unhealthy and doesn't really get rid of many calories(maybe 60-70%) and will ruin your teeth. Here are a few more for you and your journey!

[marielenrdz]

Wow, you sound a lot like me. I've been binging for the past three weeks. I eat right all day, because I'm around my co-workers and they always ooo and ahh over my "self control"...but at home, I've let out my dirty little secret and start searching the house for junk to stuff myself with. Then I'm dizzy, nauseated and ashamed. I still incorporate excercise daily to help slow the damage, but I've still managed to gain back four pounds. Every pound counts for me, whether up or down on the scale.

I realize I need to take control. I still have serious food issues and personal demons to confront. Until then, I understand that I'll have binges and will then get back on track and make up for lost time....until the next time I binge again. It's an ongoing battle, but little by little..even if it's two steps forward and one step back, I'll eventually get to my goal. And you will too

[ladycarbivore]

That's so true. I never binge in front of anyone else, in fact if I didn't live alone I doubt it would happen at all. People at work always marvel at how "healthy" I eat, little do they know I have a huge problem.

I bet they wonder why I'm overweight. I'm also fairly sure they notice my crazy yo-yo up and down gaining and losing the same 10-15lbs. That's the thing with being overweight, you don't get that way by eating salads and whole grains. So perhaps my undercover lifestyle really is quite transparent.

I'll never forget when I was close to my heaviest a customer, (I work with the public) asked me if I was pregnant. I said no, and they were heartily embarrased. I brushed it off at the time, but I was sooo mortified. Is that how I appear to people? Does my stomach jut out so far that people assume I'm pregnant? That situation has burned into my mind and I'll probably never forget that.

Tomorrow I'm starting a detox/cleanse for the day and I plan on doing my 60 min of yoga. I really hope that I don't fail, I need this to work out. No more gorging on a whole pizza to myself not including dessert. And certainly no more crying while I eat because I feel that bingeing is my destiny. I alone am in charge of my destiny and I will not let food continue to have so much power over me.

So my plan....

-eat 6 small meals per day to avoid hunger
-exercise on a daily basis, yoga on weekends
-use sparkpeople application to track and monitor my food intake
-8 glasses of water minimum per day
-love myself, now more unworthy thinking

[BeeHappy]

Your plan looks really good! The most important thing I saw was "love myself,no more unworthy thinking"

Binging sucks. You feel bad about yourself, you binge, you feel worse about yourself. It's a vicious circle! We have to believe that we are worth it and we have to love ourselves. Easier said then done, I know, but we just have to try.

I remember a point when my binging was so bad I went to my therapist and had a melt down in her office and she told me to look in the mirror everyday and tell myself over and over "I love you." I told her "but I don't love myself!" And she told me, "If you tell yourself you do enough, one day you will." And you know what? She was right.

You can do this

[LataJones]

Regarding the stress, I find one thing that has really helped me is telling myself that I am not the only one dealing with stress in their lives. In fact, there are plenty of people that are dealing with more stress than I and yet they don't binge eat to cope.

Good luck.

[susiemartin]

Know what you're going through.

[Natasha1534]

Do you have someone that could go grocery shopping w/ you??? Someone that you could count on to keep you on track and away from the junk food??? I know it sounds silly and like babysitting...but a good friend that can keep you on track when you're shopping could be all you need to help you out right now.

[ladycarbivore]

Unfortunately I don't.

The only person I have shared this problem with is my boyfriend and he lives in a different country at the moment.

I do not have any friends.

I need to get back to where I was before I found myself in this rut, I had so much self control and willpower, and everytime I slip back into the bingeing problem it gets harder and harder to get out.

I want to be strong and be able to say no to myself and listen, rather than have to rely on another person to keep me in line. That is a responsibility I don't want to place on anyone but myself.

I have purged all bad foods out of my house and will be executing my plan tomorrow without fail. It's a civic holiday here tomorrow so I intend to eat well, relax and make sure I do my 1hr exercise dvd and perhaps if it's nice take a walk.

Thanks again for everyone's replies and support, I'll check in after day 1 of no bingeing.

[hope for recovery]

Step 1. We admitted we were powerless over food, that our lives have become unmanageable.

I know that no matter how hard I try, I will never have control, I will never be in control of food. This is why I am addicted to it, because I stubbornly don't let food be whatever it wants to be.

The only way through which I am binge free today is by admitting my powerlessness and this is where my solution starts from. I just let food be and I trust that there is a higher power that would be so loving and carying for me that I will not have to binge eat today. Then, when my emotions are all over the place, I pick up the phone and share, I do not eat on them because once i start i do not stop.

I feel for your pain because I have been like this for years until I found a solution. I never have to binge ever again. My sobriety to date by the grace of God is over 7 months.

If you need any help, do PM me, nobody deserves to live like that in the pain of overating. There is a way out, there is hope. If it works for me, it will work for you!