his making it so dam hard! - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

bbg200 · 06-25-2010, 09:32 AM

need to vent!.. im so hacked off at the moment!!.. i posted about a week ago about having my hands full and getting alittle stressed about it.. but yesterday an today is the icing on the cake.. an i wanna eat it!...

yesterday i got up at 7am sorted everything out from cleaning the whole house sorting the dogs and there mess an dressing an feedin the kids... i didnt finish all that till 3pm... went to my moms an took the 2kids an the one dog with me (shes still a pup an cant be left to long alone) all the time i was there i was running after the 2 kids plus pup to come home at 8pm to cook a full dinner from scratch (chinese chicken fried rice an sticky pork mm was nice) didnt get to eat mine till after 9pm then did my work out.. all through out this my partner was in bedroom!.. i know he isnt feeling well but that just took the pe because he only has a cough an lost his voice but today he is fine!, i didnt get to sit down an stop till 12:11 am, an even in the night i had to get up to the girls.. urgh..today is heading the same way

QuilterInVA · 06-25-2010, 09:45 AM

Try www.flylady.net and you won't have to spend all day cleaning and fuming.

2Bees · 06-25-2010, 10:30 AM

(((bbg))) Kids and dogs are like that vine that takes over tall trees. You beat back the mess and it grows right back just as fast.

Flylady is great but is more geared towards someone like me who doesn't want to get going rather then you who does too much lol. She has you set a timer for 15 min to work on a task then stop. IMHO you need to stop and take some time for your self,take care of yourself-build some down time into your day even if the dogs or the kids or the laundry don't get washed up.

How you work things out with your partner, I dunno, don't come to me for relationship advice, i KNOW NOTHING but I bet he doesn't know you were so unhappy-so don't get to that point of exhaustion .

chnkymonkey · 06-25-2010, 11:05 AM

It certainly sounds like you need to find a way to slow down. You are trying to do too much.

bbg200 · 06-25-2010, 12:08 PM

thank you 2bees, im not normally this bad but because ive now got my baby sister living with me (dont know how long for) and a new pup at the same time - on top of normal family life (planned to have the pup months ago an was ready for her) didnt expect everything to jump on me at the same time, 90% of the time my partner helps but since my sister has been here (over 2weeks) an the pup, he has been "ill" i had words today an told him im not coping well with all the stress could he watch them for 10mins while i had that time to myself.. he got up got ready an is now helping (doing the garden as i type!) im feeling alot better now ive had a few mins to myself an that he is willin to help more... i KNEW! he wasnt that ill i guess he was just enjoying his "me" time abit to much..chnkymonkey

p.s i was abit confused about the flylady site but thanks for the suggestion

dorothy52 · 06-25-2010, 12:13 PM

If you keep going like this you are going to stop doing the right things for YOU. I was married to a marathoner for 16 years. He always got his work out in no matter what we had planned for the family. I remember getting ready for vacation, kids packed, cloths packed, and waiting for him to finish his 20+ training day, rest, shower, eat, and climb into the car. I put the things I needed to do on hold, not getting my run in and feeling angry at him because I made that decision. NO MORE. What I should have done is split the responsibilities, plan better, and GET MY RUN OR WALK IN. I release you can't dump the kids or the dog, think out of the box. If he is home sick, he can can watch them, I'm sure you have. If not, go the park were you can all have activity and fun. Good luck and treat yourself to SOME ME TIME!

SCraver · 06-25-2010, 12:34 PM

How old are your kids? Can you get them to help out? My son is 17 months old and I am already showing him how to pick up his toys and how to throw things in the garbage!

(Of course, he then pulls other things out of the garbage) But depending on age, kids can do things. They can pick up, put laundry in the drier, put dishes in the dishwasher, give the pup some water.

Shmead · 06-25-2010, 12:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bbg200

i had words today an told him im not coping well with all the stress could he watch them for 10mins while i had that time to myself.. he got up got ready an is now helping (doing the garden as i type!) im feeling alot better now ive had a few mins to myself an that he is willin to help more... i KNEW! he wasnt that ill i guess he was just enjoying his "me" time abit to much..chnkymonkey

If I am reading this correctly, yesterday you never asked him to do anything, you were mostly mad at him for not seeing how busy you were and volunteering?

If that's the case, you have to stop that. It's reasonable to expect someone to share the burden--it's NOT reasonable to expect them to read your mind.

If I were your partner, this is what I would have been thinking as I lay in the bedroom: "Wow, I can't believe she's in there making a fancy dinner after all that cleaning she's already done today. God, she has a lot of energy". I would TOTALLY have assumed you were doing what you wanted to do, not what you felt had to be done--after all, if I were you, feeling tired and overwhelmed, I would have done exactly what I HAD to--kept the kids and dogs alive and clean--and let both the house go completely and made something easy for dinner--or asked my partner to do it. Since that's how I think about those things--that fancy cooking and housecleaning can always be put off--I would assume that you think the same way and that you were doing the cleaning and fancy cooking purely because you wanted to. If I figured out later that you'd been angry with me all that time, I would have felt betrayed almost--it's not fair to make me into the bad guy when you didn't ask, and it makes me feel bad to learn that I was being a jerk when I didn't mean to be.

So, ASK FOR HELP. Mind reading is not a fair expectation.

chnkymonkey · 06-25-2010, 01:08 PM

I'm so glad you spoke up.

And took time for yourself.

Ya know what - I have laundry that has been clean, on the couch waiting to be folded (8 loads or so) for over a week now. I've been busy, and I'm waiting on DH to take the responsibility.

I know I should just ask him. Actually I have.

Its not folded in piles of mine, his, and ours (towels). I folded the other night. But last night he came out looking for a shirt and went thru my pile (actually one of his workout shirts was in my pile, as I thought it was mine).

But really, we are in a very busy phase right now, so if that's the best it gets, that is what we live with. I will have to get the laundry off the couch this weekend before we have visitors on Sunday.

But this week when I've had the choice between a workout or folding laundry, I chose the workout. I gave up on being superwoman a few years ago and chose to take some time for myself.

bbg200 · 06-25-2010, 02:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shmead

If I am reading this correctly, yesterday you never asked him to do anything, you were mostly mad at him for not seeing how busy you were and volunteering?

If that's the case, you have to stop that. It's reasonable to expect someone to share the burden--it's NOT reasonable to expect them to read your mind.

So, ASK FOR HELP. Mind reading is not a fair expectation.

i did ask for his help i went to him an told him ive got my hands full an need a hand.. he just took it as i was moaning and said he was to ill and didnt want to move, the fancy dinner was because the meat had to be used along side other things and i also asked for help with that but got the reply.. "i dont want to infect the food with my germs"..and not once did i mean to make anyone feel like a jerk or saying something bad... im just venting out my anger here or id end up taking it out on food.. an at the moment thats not a good idea...
SCraver the girls are both 4yrs old and they both help me with cleaning away toys an cleaning the bedroom ect

chnkymonkey lil things like that i do leave

its more of the hygen thing of cleaning up after the pup where kids are going to play, washing an cleanin the kitchen because of food ect..

i dont want to sound like im moaning or anything because i ent i just needed something to get it off my chest as normally i would go right to the fridge! as i said before 90% of the time he takes half of it on an i take the rest, its just been the past week or more since his been "ill" and his attitude towards me.. thank you to those who have replied an ive missed

chnkymonkey · 06-25-2010, 02:34 PM

I fully understand you needing to vent. And if it keeps you away from the fridge to come in here and vent, then please... vent away!! ::hugs::