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Old 05-18-2010, 10:31 AM   #7
saef
Girl Gone Strong
 
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Atlantis, which is near Manhattan
Posts: 6,770

S/C/G: (H)247/(C)159/(Goal)142-138

Height: 5'3"

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Different kinds of friendships provide different things.

Some people are looking for a mirror, someone who's so similar to us that we use them as a reference & keep checking them to see if we are living up to the norm.

Some are looking for someone who's almost a mentor, someone we admire & model our behaviors on, as if we were their student.

Some are looking for someone to feel superior to & slightly patronize, to be the teacher.

And there are many other kinds of friendships, too, but in those three, I've attempted to describe some of the "power" dynamics that go on in some relationships.

I can see how one friend losing a great deal of weight could change each of those three relationships, some for the better & some for the worse.

In my 20- and 30-year friendships, my friends seem to take my body inflating & deflating as part of life's changing rhythms. In general, these changes are not just about weight. Sometimes we're more comfortable with each other & sometimes we grow a little apart. But it's easier to deal with because there's so much shared history there, it's not a problem to catch up on the latest episode, since they've got so much background information. And we're all aging together & watching one another age, and weight & health issues are just part of that. When someone seems to be -- temporarily -- winning the battle against age, we're cheering that person on.

Also, I've been lucky in that my so-called "role model" friends, the people whom I admired & wanted to be more like, long ago got into eating healthily & cooking for themslves, and took yoga classes, or became interested in modern dance or tap dancing, or learned to ski & hiked on weekends, or got bikes with their husbands, or obtained certification as personal trainers, or bought a horse & went trail-riding every weekend -- and I'm just now catching up with them & we have even more to talk about.

I've also found that some friendships are a lot easier, because I'm willing to talk about the "elephant in the room." That was my weight. I pretended to be okay with it, happy with myself as I was, and never acknowledged to them that I was fat, or that this was interfering with my life or causing me mental anguish. Talking about it & my body was pretty much banned in all our conversations. Now suddenly I am willing to talk openly about it, and many of them are surprised, because it had seemed so off-limits, and they never knew this was a source of grief to me. I was never a person who b*tched about scale readings & sighed over being unable to lose weight or exhibited any what I want to call "Bridget Jones" behavior -- I scorned that kind of thing -- so until now, they just had no clue.
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