[Lyn2007]

When I started losing weight my husband told me, "I am not attracted to skinny women." I probably weighed 240 pounds when he told me this (I started at 278) and when I asked him "well are you attracted to women having heart attacks at 40? How about women whose joints give out and they can't walk? Because if I don't lose weight that;s where I am headed." He said he wanted me to lose weight, but not get TOO skinny.

Well since then he has done a lot of quiet sabotage. He'd put cream of butter in my scrambled eggs if I asked for them plain. He'd add melted butter to the "low fat" waffle batter. He started buying Girl Scout cookies, muffins, cases of Coke, 24-packs of candy bars and leaving them where I would see them, but HE doesn't even like Coke or muffins. I told him if he buys those things he oculd keep them in "his" cabinet and I wouldn't bother them. He refuses. He sets bags of candy on my laptop, buys huge bags of chips and eats them in front of me, buys ice cream and eats it in front of me, and buys sausage and bacon and fries it every morning with extra "in case I want some." I keep asking him to stop but he says "just because YOU want to lose weight doesn't mean I have to stop eating what I like." BTW he is almost 300 pounds if not more.

I dunno, I am just tired of dealing with it and I wish he would stop. It is so frustrating.

[giselley]

well yeah, but at 5-7 that "not too skinny" is still maybe 150.

I personally feel that for a person to "dictate" by what ever means what they want another person to be/think/feel/ be is irrational and against human "God given" rights. You have the right to say no,l and if the person does not respect that, then they have a completely different idea of reality then you might.

He might not want you to lose weight because he does not want to take the effort to loose it himself.

I am a particularly visual woman and do not like the sight of overweight men. Jeepers, they even have more testosterone, a hormone useful in fat loss. It is a lot easier for men to lose weight then women.

[Sunnigummi]

It doesn't look like quiet sabotage to me - that's outright sabotage. You mentioned your marriage is rocky. Are you (or both of you) willing to consider marriage counseling to work on the non-weight related issues in your relationship? Once those are ironed out or you have reached a compromise, then you can bring this up in therapy and hopefully find out exactly WHY he doesn't like "skinny women". To me, it sounds like he is refusing to accept that HE needs to lose weight and be healthy and was hoping that as his partner, you would have the same outlook. Now that you are changing for the better, he is being stubborn about his viewpoint and trying to get you back to your old ways so he can be in his comfort zone again. I think your best bet is marriage counseling. If he refuses to go, then you should go alone. I've heard/read that it helps either way. Of course, it would be great if you two go together. However, if you end up going alone, at least you have a neutral party to confide in.

Good luck!

[waiting2exhale]

i would be irate if my man did that to me! He is not supporting you at all!

[CanadianCutie]

Just a thought here. Perhaps he's not really "not attracted to skinny women", but maybe it's more that he's afraid that you'll get more attention as a skinny woman, and leave him.

[Get n healthy]

Tell him, its doesnt matter if he likes skinny women or fat women. He just has to love YOU!

He needs to stop thinking about what HE likes and be more mindful and think about what is best for YOU. If that is quiet sabatage, i would hate to see blanant disregard.

Maybe he is insecure at what you will "be" when you are thin. When i start to lose weight before, my husband asks, "why are you doing this" and he really gets paranoid and insecure. He gets over it, but still, i think some men prefer us heavy, cause it makes them feel safe. Think it over.

Best to you, do what is right for YOU!

[Viviane]

Originally Posted by CanadianCutie

Just a thought here. Perhaps he's not really "not attracted to skinny women", but maybe it's more that he's afraid that you'll get more attention as a skinny woman, and leave him.

I second this. He's probably threatened by your efforts. Have you sat down with him and had the long, uncomfortable talk about your goals, the potential impact on your relationship, and his attempts to sabotage you? Maybe he needs reassurance that you love him and the changes you're making are about YOU, not him.

Guys can be kooky when it comes to this stuff- it seems like they're either taking the doughnut out of your hand or stuffing it down your throat!! Regardless, the sabotage needs to end ASAP.

Love your response to him about heart attacks at 40 and joints. You're dead-on, girl!!

[ParadiseFalls]

I'm sorry you're dealing with that. What he's doing is cruel and disrespectful. You say you've asked him to stop, but have you had a direct conversation about it and said, "Look, I know what you're doing, and you need to stop"?

[Lyn2007]

Some valid points here.

[Lyn2007]

And also yes... I think he doesn't want to lose weight himself. He often says he wants to lose weight but when I make healthy (delicious) meals he adds butter, salt, gravy, oil, bacon....

I have been very blunt. I think if he buys candy or cookies "for me" next time I will say, "Oh, are these FOR ME?" and if he says yes I will dump them in the trash. I won't throw out food he buys for HIMSELF but if it is mine I can. Maybe that will get the point across.

[PaulaM]

From all I have read on your blog, I think this time you will be strong enough to resist his food. I wouldn't let him cook for me if he is sneaking things into the food.

My husband has never been heavy so he really doesn't "get it" at all. I think he's been on a diet once in our 37 years together. He has no problem dragging me to restaurants late at night so he can get fattening desserts. I went along with it but now that I'm trying to watch it I will go and get tea. I keep trying to tell him it's like taking a recovering alcoholic to a bar and expecting them to have no problem. I don't have a sweet tooth so I try and keep desserts in the house for him, but he likes the socialization of getting out in public. I think he feels I should just be "adult" about it.

[Viviane]

Originally Posted by Lyn2007

People have commented on my blog (and they are right) that I lose weight when he is out of town (6-8 week stretches) and when he comes back I regain. Well he has been gone 6 weeks, I lost 16 pounds while he was gone and he is coming back this week. I am really nervous about how to handle it.

This speaks volumes.

[bargoo]

Why not prepare your own meals that way you can avoid the extra butter, cream, etc. And yes trash the cookies and chips, warn him first that if he brings them to you that you will put them in the garbage.

[MablesGirl]

Good luck Lyn with talking to your husband when he gets back. I think counseling is a good idea too. I'm sure he is afraid of loosing you. I have caught myself nagging my husband more the more insecure I feel about myself and my attractiveness to him. I'm sure you are getting him out of his comfort zone, as Sunnigummi said.

Paula, I hear you. My hubby has been thin his whole life, and there are Cokes, cookies, candy, chips at our house too.

[Mickeypnd]

wow. that sucks. Im kinda in the same boat as you are. my bf as told me he will help me lose weight, but he doesn't want me to lose so much because he is afriad of all the attention Im going to get from other guys.

I don't let that stop me, and I don't think you should either. No one should ever tell you not to be healthy to live a more full filling life. When you lose moer weight and the pressure he places on you becomes worse then I would consider talking to him (if you haven't already) and if that doesn't helping then maybe you should see a marriage consuleor.