Plans to see an old friend Friday**Nervous** - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

Kae · 03-08-2010, 11:29 AM

I have plans to see a former school friend on Friday. He's from Germany (and was an exchange student here.) I haven't actually seen him in like 9 years...

He emailed me to let me know he would be visiting the area and wanted to get together.

Needless to say, I am both excited and nervous about the reunion. It should be fun to hangout but I am sort of dreading it because I am heavier than I used to be and don't have the highest self-esteem these days. My mom said, "Yea, but you've lost a lot of weight." And I was like, "Yea, that's great but he doesn't know that... he's just going to think I'm fatter than I used to be."

Since he wanted to get together I invited him to come along to my friend's birthday party on Friday... I thought hanging out in a group would be less awkward. However, he said he is going to call me tonight to try to plan to get together alone sometime this week also. Not sure how I feel about that one... Ugh... Any advice on how to handle this?

On the upside, I will also be seeing some other friends on Friday who I haven't seen in several months and they might notice I've lost some weight...

Passionista · 03-08-2010, 11:43 AM

Are you hoping for a new or to rekindle an old love connection? Is this a judgmental person? Just trying to get a sense for how your weight factors into this...either way, be confident, easygoing and genuine! That goes a long way

shantroy · 03-08-2010, 11:48 AM

I had this same problem with several friends. I was afraid to see them because I'd gained weight. You know what, I lost several friends, because I didn't return their phone calls or hardly ever made plans with them. Finally a friend asked if she did something wrong. I was honest and told her what was up, that I was embarrassed and ashamed because I gained weight. My friend looked me dead in the eye, called me a fool and said that she could careless about how much I weighed. All that mattered to her was our friendship and I was a friend and would be a friend whether I weighted 65 pounds or 650 pounds. And she's right, I wouldn't have cared if she gained weight so why should she care if I gained?

Go and enjoy your friends company, have a good time and catch up about what's happened over the last decade. Weight won't matter when you're having a good time! Go and enjoy yourself.

Kae · 03-08-2010, 11:53 AM

No, it's not romantic. At least, I don't think it is...? I can never read guys' intentions. (The last time I hung out with a guy friend he thought it was a date and I had no idea until I got there... but that's a whole different story.) He's just someone who i went to school with. Honestly, it kinda threw me when he said he wanted to get together. And even more so when we said he still wants to try to get together to do something alone this week, in addition to the group party thing.

I don't know. I guess being around guys in general just makes me uncomfortable, even just as friends. I guess I have issues. LOL. Really though, I'm not sure if it's him that I am nervous about seeing, as much as it is seeing anyone that I haven't seen in a long time because I am heavier now. Add to the fact that he is a male and my nervousness sky-rocketed.

Kae · 03-08-2010, 11:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shantroy

Go and enjoy your friends company, have a good time and catch up about what's happened over the last decade. Weight won't matter when you're having a good time! Go and enjoy yourself.

Thanks... I know I should just try to chill. I know none of my friends actually care what I weigh... it is just my own insecurity that is the issue.

MomtoThree · 03-08-2010, 01:49 PM

I have to agree just go and enjoy the company.

A few weeks ago I had the same problem. I went to meet my best friends from high school that I have not seen since not long after my wedding so 10 years. My one friend had always been thin and beautiful. My other friend has always been heavier like me. We would eat together to celebrate, to comfort us ect.... Well, I was floored when I saw her and she was a size 6. I would have never guessed. You know what when we all went out to dinner I did feel akward since I was the only heavy one. However, once we started talking it was just like highschool again and the weight gain or loss really did not matter. We were still the same women who still loved each other and all the memories we had built over the years.

Michelle98272 · 03-08-2010, 02:04 PM

I understand your apprehension. I cut off contact with all of my old friends from my hometown, who all stayed roughly within 10-20 lbs of their old weight. They all stayed in touch and I let my discomfort and shame exclude me from that circle. It is sad. I have "friended" them all on Facebook and I see their comments back and forth to each other. I am the outsider. I did this to myself. My old friendships are one of many casualties that my poor self image/fat/bad habits caused.

On the flip side, I know I'd still have loved all of them if they got fat. If your friend is a true friend, he'll be fine with it. You might want to soften the first meeting by just being upfront on the phone or in an email that you are a little nervous because you've gained weight.

grrrkgrrrl · 03-08-2010, 02:05 PM

in order to ease your anxiety-- because i travel between countries as well, when i am meeting people i try to meet them both on group settings and on a one-to-one basis.. sometimes "catching" up cannot happen if you're surrounded with other people, so that's probably why he's also asked to see you alone.

enjoy the company he sounds like a lovely person if he's coming to meet you after all this time and he won't care about your weight any more than you would care about his!

Kae · 03-08-2010, 02:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by grrrkgrrrl

in order to ease your anxiety-- because i travel between countries as well, when i am meeting people i try to meet them both on group settings and on a one-to-one basis.. sometimes "catching" up cannot happen if you're surrounded with other people, so that's probably why he's also asked to see you alone.

enjoy the company he sounds like a lovely person if he's coming to meet you after all this time and he won't care about your weight any more than you would care about his!

Thanks so much! That really helps... I have just been letting my anxiety about not being happy with my body get in the way of having fun. I'm sure you're right so thanks a bunch.

JustSharing83 · 03-08-2010, 03:05 PM

I agree with the stuff that's been said... No one looks exactly like they did 9 years ago! I bet he has changes that he's uncomfortable with, but you're not going to judge him for them!

Plus, you're beautiful! Just be yourself - the kind, sweet person we see in your posts and enjoy the time you spend together!! Good luck!

xMeaganx · 03-08-2010, 03:47 PM

It will be fine. Just keep telling yourself that. He obviously wants to meet up with you and to hang out alone, he likes you and not just in a superficial way. He probably likes your personality and wants to re-connect. Go for it! Plus...I'm sure it will be good to have a friend in Europe if you do study abroad over here (btw I will respond to that message eventually!) so go on and meet him! Plus if for some reason he doesn't want to meet up after he learns you gained some weight, then honestly you don't need him around, but don't chicken out because of what might happen!

Kae · 03-08-2010, 04:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustSharing83

I agree with the stuff that's been said... No one looks exactly like they did 9 years ago! I bet he has changes that he's uncomfortable with, but you're not going to judge him for them!

Plus, you're beautiful! Just be yourself - the kind, sweet person we see in your posts and enjoy the time you spend together!! Good luck!

Thanks so much... You're sweet.

Kae · 03-08-2010, 04:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xMeaganx

It will be fine. Just keep telling yourself that. He obviously wants to meet up with you and to hang out alone, he likes you and not just in a superficial way. He probably likes your personality and wants to re-connect. Go for it! Plus...I'm sure it will be good to have a friend in Europe if you do study abroad over here (btw I will respond to that message eventually!) so go on and meet him! Plus if for some reason he doesn't want to meet up after he learns you gained some weight, then honestly you don't need him around, but don't chicken out because of what might happen!

Thanks!! You are right; it would be nice to have a friend abroad. Plus, my brother is moving to Germany in a couple months for the Army and it could be fun to visit with him again over there (while visting my brother) if things go well...

ThinkinThin · 03-08-2010, 09:29 PM

I agree with Michelle98272. Tell him upfront on the phone about it so he won't be surprised and all will be well. You may want to tell him you've been working on it and already lost some so he won't be caught off guard if he hears your friends saying something about your recent loss. Then, HAVE FUN!

weebleswobble · 03-08-2010, 09:43 PM

If he hasn't warned you that he's 9 years older, or that his hair has thinned, then I wouldn't bother telling him that you've gained weight. It's the way it is, he can deal with it--if he loves you, he loves you unconditionally. If he doesn't, he never was that good of a friend anyway and he can deal with it.

I'd get a nice haircut/hairdo, a nice flattering outfit, some spanx if that will help, nice makeup, a great new pair of shoes, and go to the party, and your special night.