Difficulty entertaining...being the hostess - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

Eliana · 03-04-2010, 08:47 AM

I am such the hostess! My mission in life is to make sure everybody is comfortable and satisfied.

I had a friend over for dinner last night, and she'll be coming over every week on Wednesday so I have to get this figured out. She teaches piano to my kids, then I feed her before she runs out the door for her next lesson. I love doing this! For the sake of time, I serve up all the plates so dinner is on the table when she's finished with my kids.

Last night I served up the plates and wanted to serve myself a small portion, but I didn't want to be in-your-face about my portions. When I eat at someone else's house I make sure to keep my portions in check with theirs, or I never serve myself more than my hostess herself eats. I have weird hang ups. So in turn, I feel like the hostess should serve herself the most so everyone feels comfortable eating as much as they like.

How do I get over this? Should I get over this? Do others feel the same way?

I didn't eat it all, but that's hard right there. I like to only serve myself what I plan to eat.

LisaF · 03-04-2010, 09:07 AM

What if you have the food on the table, but not on the plates? Have everything on serving plates or bowls, and then pass those around or leave them in the middle of the table so everyone can take what they want. If you serve yourself last, you won't have to worry about people trying to match your portion.

TJFitnessDiva · 03-04-2010, 09:28 AM

I agree with Lisa

Eliana · 03-04-2010, 09:29 AM

So I'm having one of these DUH moments.

Thanks guys!

ShylahEQ · 03-04-2010, 09:38 AM

You know, I never correlated the size of my hostess' serving to the size of my own. Am I just a heathen? ROFL

I like the suggestion about letting them serve themselves, but understand that you are probably trying to save the piano instructor some time so she can eat and run. I don't think I'd worry too much about it.

If anything, leave your plate in the kitchen and grab it after they sit down and start eating? Maybe serve it on a smaller plate, so the plate looks more full? then you can say you ran out of the other bigger plates

JustBeckyV · 03-04-2010, 11:06 AM

Hmm - I have never even thought of that actually. I just eat what I eat and they eat what they eat lol

PeanutsMom704 · 03-04-2010, 11:22 AM

I am assuming your meal is a mix of protein, veggies and carbs? Just fill your plate up with the veggies, take your small portion controlled servings of the protein and carbs, and you'll have a nice full plate and your friend won't have to worry (although I don't think most people worry about taking the same amount of food as their hostess!)

FitGirlyGirl · 03-04-2010, 01:06 PM

I understand. I was taught not to eat more than my hostess. Where are you from? My husband thinks the not eating more than the hostess thing must be a southern thing, since he (a New Yorker) had never heard of such a thing. Since this is someone who will be eating with you so often, why not just explain to her? I'm sure she would understand.

ANewCreation · 03-04-2010, 01:16 PM

I say do what you need to do. I doubt she will even notice. Although I will say that your thinking is very common among women. I think because we're so social we think about these kinds of things. You may find out if you offer her options that she might just be as relieved as you are.

Your story reminds me of a visit I had with friends over Christmas. I had laid out the goodie tray for my visitors. My friend noticed that I had lost weight. She also noticed that I wasn't having the goodies she was having. She asked me if it was okay if she put back some of the goodies she had on her plate. Of course I said it was okay. Come to find out she was only going to eat IF I was having some. She really didn't want as much as she had put on her plate. Maybe your friend would be relieved to find out she could eat differently too?

I don't know if that made sense but I find out often that people are far more relieved than bothered when we're honest about what we need to do. It sometimes gives them the freedom to be honest about what they need to do too.

Just my 2 cents....

Eliana · 03-04-2010, 01:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FitGirlyGirl

I understand. I was taught not to eat more than my hostess. Where are you from? My husband thinks the not eating more than the hostess thing must be a southern thing, since he (a New Yorker) had never heard of such a thing. Since this is someone who will be eating with you so often, why not just explain to her? I'm sure she would understand.

My family (and thus my upbringing) is from upstate NY.

Not a Southern bone in my body!

My friend would totally understand if I had the guts to bring it up, which I don't. We talk about weight and I know she's trying...sort of. I don't want to appear as though I'm pushing my lifestyle on her, especially since this is going to be a weekly thing. I'd feel horrible if she ended up packing a snack for the ride to the next lesson.

I think it might by like New Creation said, a woman thing. I'm overly sensitive to making sure others are satisfied and I take my cues from others frequently.

marigrace · 03-04-2010, 02:42 PM

Wow ! I'm of Italian extraction....so we just tend to pile it on all over the place (lol) I still do that... only it is with roasted veggies and salads now .

PeanutsMom704 · 03-04-2010, 02:52 PM

I try to calculate whether I'm leaving enough so there's some for everyone - like if there were 6 people and 6 pieces of chicken, I would only take one, even if they were small and I was really, really hungry. I have seen people serve themselves half the serving dish and not care that some people wouldn't get any.

But aside from that, I figure that everyone else will eat according to their own hunger and/or diet plan and I wouldn't want to have to base my eating on that, and have more or less than I really want to have.

My family is pretty good about not doing the "clean your plate, children are starving" thing, but I do get annoyed with my son for asking for/taking a larger portion when we both know he won't eat it all. So I probably need to watch my own tendencies to get him to eat more and just focus on giving him multiple smaller portions if he wants more.

FitGirlyGirl · 03-04-2010, 02:54 PM

Eliana - this is totally off topic, but I just have to say that I love that you have hubby and son in your signature too and I'm glad to see they are having success as well.

I will enjoy telling hubby that I know of at least one person from NY that has the same hostess issues I do.

FitGirlyGirl · 03-04-2010, 02:56 PM

PeanutsMom - my niece does that! kids!

Eliana · 03-04-2010, 06:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FitGirlyGirl

Eliana - this is totally off topic, but I just have to say that I love that you have hubby and son in your signature too and I'm glad to see they are having success as well.

I will enjoy telling hubby that I know of at least one person from NY that has the same hostess issues I do.

Thanks! We're a work in progress. I told my husband tonight I can NOT make all of us do what we're supposed to do. It can NOT fall all on me. They both say they want it, but they're not willing to do anything about it. They were both trying to get me to go out to eat and I kept telling my husband that I did not want to eat out right now due to sodium. I just can't handle it on the scale. I told him I need him to be the strong JUST ONCE! LOL! And we all went for a walk tonight, GORGEOUS day, and I had to drag them with me. I hate that my family's weight is entirely my fault, whether they gain it or lose it.