I don't know what the **** I'm doing...or what's wrong with me. This is the third time this week I'm bingeing and there is just absolutely no reason for it. Last night I went through a whole box of cereal while I was studying and damn well knew I should've stopped. Because of that I didn't eat anything until 11am this morning when I had gotten up for work at 6. Once the afternoon hit I started going nuts. Ate some dark chocolate at work that a coworker had. Then once I got off work, instead of going to the gym which was my original plan, I walked 3 blocks to the baskin robbins for a hot fudge sundae because I was craving. Well after my chocolate craving still wasn't going so I stopped while walking home and got 2 chocolate cookies....then since I was thinking about twix earlier, since the vending machine was right there...I bought a twix too. I am so ungodly stuffed right now....and feeling so incredibly awful :-( Of all days for me to binge....I have friends coming over in a few hours, whom I'm cooking dinner for, and then we're all going out for the night. I don't even want to think about food right now let alone having to cook it and eat some of it. Not to mention I have no idea how I'm going to fit into my jeans tonight. Plus I'm wearing a nice fitting top....I just want to cry. What makes everything even worse is that I feel numb, like I want to cry but I don't...I want to feel horrible but I don't.....I don't feel anything. And that scares the living crap out of me.
You might want to look into some books on food addiction- eating an entire box of cereal is more than a person needs (obviously you know that). Then starving for hours till you binge again is NOT healthy.
What you should have done is eat a balanced breakfast with protein so you wouldn't have gotten so hungry at work.
I read this book: Conquering your food addiction and it helped me SOOO much. I actually read it twice! I didn't follow the diet plan or anything- but it helped me psychologically understand why I was eating the way I did. It only cost me $3 for the book with shipping so it's definitely affordable.
Also you sound like you aren't carrying any food with you so you are eating what's around- I suggest starting to carry snacks and eating small meals more often.
Tonight eat a light meal (don't leave more then 3-4 hours in between meals and snacks) and drink plenty of water. Tomorrow eat a good breakfast with protein, take snacks and lunch with you, and anytime the craving monster rears it's ugly head remember how you felt after each time you got out of control and overate.
A nutritionist might be able to help you also if you are unsure what to eat.
I've been through this, I really have, so I hope that my advice can help you
It does sound like you have an addiction to eating, but so many people do, and it's fixable. I think what needs working on is your frame of mine, the way you think. I can see that you've already lost weight, so try using that as a motivation; when the cravings kick in, remind yourself of how well you're doing, and ask yourself "Do I really need this peice of food? Do I want to lose the hard work I've done?"
I think for some people, it's best to go cold turkey. If you know that one piece of chocolate will set you off, steer clear of chocolate. I haven't had any in a month, and after about a week I simply stopped craving it Cold turkey isn't for anyone, but for me it works very well
Try following Bee's advice and taking a look at some books
It's very interesting that the concept of food addiction was raised here. I do know that with other addictions, such as substance abuse/alcoholism....you have to totally stop the substance/behavior and then with time, it becomes easier and easier.....the more time you put between you and the former substance/behavior. But it's all or none....you have to totally stop the substance....but it's tricky with food...because we can't just stop eating.
I am a BIG believer in "carbs make you constantly hungry and craving", esp. simple carbs (white flour and sugar). While you certainly cannot eliminate food altogether, you can eliminate this category of food and basically eat a totally "clean" diet. By doing this....you're not swimming upstream quite so much. I mean, to me, eating these carbs is like trying to stay off alcohol but still working in a bar. You can do it....but why make it so darn difficult? I think Beerab gave some great suggestions on how to cut the problem off at the pass.
There are many here who do low-calorie diets and are able to eat simple carbs/sweets/chocolate in moderation. My assumption is that they have not verged over into the true food addiction as much as others have. For instance, just because many women become very involved with dieting...it does not mean they have an eating disorder. It has to do with just how far the obsession/compulsion and the behavior goes....into the uncontrollable territory.
For me....there's a physiologic component (remedied by doing low carb/Atkins) and then a behavioral/obsessive compulsive component. I know that most of the time, my thinking went...."well, I just ate a very forbidden food (chocolate) so I might as well go whole hog and have a ton of it and totally satisfy the craving and then go back into my being uber strict mode". If I was "bad"...I might as well take advantage of it and be really bad...and then discipline myself. There was no such thing as portion control for me most of the time. I had to cut those foods out altogether.
Also...with the eating of the entire box of cereal....studying is often not very fun....so one feels compelled to add something fun (like eating robotically) while doing it....just to make it a little bit fun. Because if you stop it, you're just stuck with the "not fun" studying....and who wants that?
I also agree that reading up on food addiction would be great. Another suggestion would be to read "Good Calories, Bad Calories" by Gary Taubes....which explains why eating simple carbs makes it extremely difficult to control your appetite, physiologically. It would be great to understand this from both a behavioral and a physiologic angle, IMO.
While you may have eaten a lot of food your body still needs nutrients. Why not have a nice salad or maybe a fruit smoothie? Give your body the vitamins and minerals it needs. Remember, tomorrow is always a new day to start fresh.
[B][COLOR="Navy"] What makes everything even worse is that I feel numb, like I want to cry but I don't...I want to feel horrible but I don't.....I don't feel anything. And that scares the living crap out of me.
I haven't written anything on here for awhile, and I've been lurking quite a bit, but I just had to comment because it's like you wrote exactly what I'm feeling. I'm not sure I have any helpful advice to give, but I just wanted to let you know that you're certainly not alone in feeling this way. My last binge was on Thursday and I felt awful about it, but not awful at the same time. Awful physically but apathetic emotionally. Scared me too! The worst parts about my binges are they are so secretive, no one knows they're happening except for me. Sometimes I think if I were able to talk to some while I'm having a bad day or mid-binge, then I might be able to stop. I think I need to start getting on here more, but I'm not always around my computer.
So far, the only thing I've found that works for me, that stops a binge, is planning out what I'm going to eat the rest of the day and sticking to it. When I'm on plan, I normally eat on a schedule and I write everything down. When I binge, I'm eating 24/7 and writing nothing down. However, on Thursday, I binged in the morning, but then came on here, read some posts and decided to take back control of my day. So, I looked at the time (it was around noon) and planned out the rest of my day as if the morning had never happened. I ate my lunch, snacks, and dinner as if I'd spent the morning on plan. It shook me out of the "gotta eat constantly the rest of the day" mode. I had a plan. Of course, I realize this may be easier said then done...but I figure it's a strategy to try. On Thursday, coming on 3FC helped me stop myself. That seems to be the hardest part...stopping ourselves. I wish I had a guaranteed method to do that!
But, I also wanted to say that you posting your problem has helped me. I think you're very brave and it's inspiring to see people admit their problems and feelings and seek help. I've spent the last couple months keeping everything to myself and that's certainly not working. So, I'm going to try to be more like you (and the others who come here!) and post more often!
Keep trying...start over...that's one step in the right direction!
Thanks for all the input guys. Yesterday was defnitely a bad day. Once my friends came over though I started to feel a bit better and we had a nice dinner and alot of fun when we went out. It was something I needed. I feel more focused today and have decided that I need to start back with the food journal. It works for me but only for a short time, I always manage to fall off and stop writing down what I eat. But this Tuesday I actually have an appointment with a therapist here at school and I'm hoping that talking to someone will give me insight, advice, and ideas on what to do. I would love to read up on food addiction because I definitely feel that thats what my problem is with chocolate. I just don't have the time though :-( I have to read so much for school that there's just no time for me to read anything for leisure by the end of the day...especially when I have eye strain from studying all day. Thank you all for "listening"....I think I shall go make myself a bowl of oatmeal to start my day :-)
Glad you are better, I know exactly how you feel. Because I often times overindulge in junk food, I stopped buying it. However I found myself bingeing on CHOCOLATE...
I can eat two king size Hershey with almonds in one sitting. I'm not a lover of food, but junk I adore. I've tried to stop cold turkey. I'm able to with all junk outside of chocolate....
It's an ongoing battle. In the midst of your bingeing don't beat yourself up too much, there's always tomorrow to recommit.
Glad you're feeling better, and that you're going to talk to someone. That is a very positive move!
In the future when you binge like that, you have to forgive yourself, and get back on track. Skipping meals will only lead to more binging. I know, it's tempting to think that it will make up for a bad behavior, but it won't. Seriously, you need to lighten up on yourself! Negative thoughts, feelings, punishing yourself, guilt... they all lead to overeating. Here's a hug, maybe it will help.
I agree with a lot of the posts; you are NOT alone!!! I've had that same experience hundreds of times and it stinks! I do find that "punishing" myself by starving the next day isn't a good idea because it's setting myself up for a fall. I would still try to eat the next meal; you could just make it smaller if you're not feeling like eating a lot. At least you won't feel deprived of a meal. I'm glad to hear you've come out on the other side a little happier. Hang in there!
I don't see that anyone has brought up blood sugar. I'm prediabetic, so I'm tuned in to that. Alarm bells were ringing before I hit past the first few sentences. Too much space between meals, no mention of protein food or fat food to stabalize blood sugar. It's all carb "quick blood sugar drop fix" stuff.
Also, it's all sweet stuff for the most part. From an emotional eating perspective, sweets/comfort foods points to "heart hunger" and the need for nurture. How's that area of your life right now?
Look at your day:
Last night I went through a whole box of cereal (time? 10 PM? Midnight?)
I didn't eat anything until 11am this morning. (There you go. You got on the blood sugar roller coaster. What did you eat?)
Once the afternoon hit I started going nuts. Ate some dark chocolate at work that a coworker had. (2 PM? 3 PM)
Then once I got off work (5 PM? 6 PM?) I walked 3 blocks to the baskin robbins for a hot fudge sundae because I was craving.
walking home -- 2 chocolate cookies, I bought a twix too.
Don't skip meals. Try to eat every 4 hours or so, and have protein/fat included in the meal.
See if the library has "The Sugar Solution" from Prevention for you to borrow.
Astrophe I know all those things you just listed there. I really just could NOT eat that morning following the binge. The cereal I ate wasn't exactly frosted flakes...it was a very high fiber and protein cereal so my body didn't exactly burn it off over the night which made me not be anywhere near hungry till like 11 the next day. And when I did get hungry I made myself a bowl of oatmeal with cinnamon at work. After that I can't really remember now because it was almost a week ago. But I think I had an apple or orange that afternoon as well. There was nothing going on in my life for me to want "nurture" foods...and after the hot fudge sundae I remember walking home and thinking man, that was really good, haven't had one of those in forever. But then I started thinking about other "chocolatey" things and I remembered the subway right by my building and how they had cookies. Then the idea of the cookies wouldn't get out of my head. The taste of them, the texture of them ect. Once I got those I realized the vending machines were right there and earlier in the day I had been craving a twix even though at that time I fought the urge not to go to the vending machine and buy one. So I just don't know. I'm hoping it's the last binge I have for a very long time.
I don't see that anyone has brought up blood sugar. I'm prediabetic, so I'm tuned in to that. Alarm bells were ringing before I hit past the first few sentences. Too much space between meals, no mention of protein food or fat food to stabalize blood sugar. It's all carb "quick blood sugar drop fix" stuff.
This is essentially the science behind what I was trying to say. Skipping meals is NEVER a good idea! If you still feel full from the night before, or think you're full from the night before, find something to nibble on, preferably something low on the glycemic index. An apple, granola bar, some carrots... whatever works for you. But letting your blood sugar drop will send you into crave mode.
This may be the worst advice ever, but when I was on a low carb diet in the past and my blood suger seemed to dip, but I didn't want to eat anything, I would take a few dinner mints and let them melt in my mouth. You know the kind you get when you leave a restaurant - they are pastel colors and melt in your mouth. That brought my blood sugar up, but didn't fill me up. Again, it may not be sound advice, but even those with diabetes take sugar pills sometimes to regulate levels so it can't be too harmful.
out of control
